Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

CFC

Bettybigboobs wrote: »

I have read the thread and do agree the OP is playing a wonderful part. I do however (speaking as a mother myself) think that you should know the details on the father now rather than later. Something is just not sitting right with me. I don't think the daughter/mother bond would be destroyed as others have said, if the mother demanded the name/details of the father. For her own sake of mind if nothing else, then the mother needs to know.

There's a lot of truth in this. She's only 15, best not to treat her as an adult with the same right to privacy as an adult. Better that you get it out of her before her father does it.

Shes just a kid asking you if she can stay off school tomorrow. If she's ready for motherhood I'll eat my hat. I do wish you both well.

shell_girl

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thank you. I think I should go and sit with her for a while, so she doesn't feel so alone.

That's probably the best thing in the world you can do for her right now. Going back to what I said earlier about the father - she may feel that this is the last bit of her life she has any control over. It's not necessarily ominous that she won't name him, so try not to panic too much. At that age it could just be that it's the lad her best mate fancies and that may seem to her like the end of the world.

Beki88

I havent read through all the thread but wanted to say a well done to you for being so awesome about it!

I got pregnant at 15 and it was an awful time for me Everyone wanted me to terminate and I felt so alone. It is important that she knows you will be there no matter what, which it does seem like you have reassured her. It may sound daft but even with people around her she may still feel alone, as ultimately the choice rests with her and her alone. *hugs* to you both x

iluvfreebies

the note idea is def a good idea, is a lot easier to write difficult stuff down sometimes - the poor girl I hope she can feel up to telling you the whole story - yous are both in my thoughts - hope you are ok yourself - am glad your daughters dad seems like he will be a support to both of you as well

xoxo_2

I've been reading this thread but not posted yet.

I just wanted to say you're doing brilliantly Poppy. You should be very proud of yourself for how well you're handling it.

I think you should go and sit with your daughter and hold her until she can tell you. I'm very quiet too so when I have something to tell people I find it easier to write it as a facebook message or a text and discuss it that way. She may just be embarrassed talking about that kind of thing with you. Maybe you could ask questions she can answer with simple yes/no/nod of the head etc for now just to get some kind of idea. "Do you go to school with him?" "Is he older than you?" etc, she may find it easier to open up that way rather than having to say "Mum it was X and it happened Y" and you'll hopefully get some reassurance about who he was.

Good luck OP, to you and your DD xx

seabright

Can I suggest a car journey tomorrow? Quite often people find difficult conversations easier if they don't have to look straight at you. Also, there's no escape from a car. Might be a way of having the conversation and making it a bit easier on her to talk

POPPYOSCAR

seabright wrote: »

Can I suggest a car journey tomorrow? Quite often people find difficult conversations easier if they don't have to look straight at you. Also, there's no escape from a car. Might be a way of having the conversation and making it a bit easier on her to talk

Good idea but I think if it was me I would find it difficult to have that conversation and concentrate on driving at the same time.

rumdiddlyum

hi pop just wanted you to know im still following you and i wish you and your daughter all the best make sure everything you do is in the interest of you and your daughter because you are in it together and your daughters father sounds very understanding too so there is someone else to support. if you want to know the age of father and circumstance tell her gently that you are worried you dont want to know who it is but what age he is and if she was ok with it she will probably tell you if you say you dont want to know who it is but make sure she is fine and doesnt need any extra help like a counsellor as the nhs do provide them if neeeded big hugs

mumps

Person_one wrote: »

Oh, and I just wanted to point out that you won't find 'Post Abortion Syndrome' mentioned in any reputable psychiatric texts or journals. Not that some women don't struggle and have some emotional issues after terminations, but IMO these were either present beforehand or they weren't making the right decision for whatever reason.

'PAS' is an invention of the anti movement, the vast majority of women who have abortions don't suffer any major side effects, either physical or emotional. Please don't let scaremongerers influence how you communicate with your daughter about this.

So are you saying that if a woman has problems after an abortion it is her fault? She either made the wrong choice or she had problems already. Surely no-one can know for sure that they will feel OK after an abortion? I worry before changing my hair style in case I regret it afterwards so I am sure I would worry before an abortion.

I would also like to know how you judge what is a major side effect. It is how the woman judges it or does someone else decide if her problems are major or not.

mountainofdebt

I've often told Junior that he can tell me anything and yes while I might go off at the deep end at first, I will always be there to help and support him.

I must admit I don't think I would be as patient as the OP though if Junior was a she and told me she was pregnant but wouldn't tell me who the father was - I can handle bad news but I couldn't handle being drip fed information that was relevant. In fact I think he would owe it to me to tell me the whole story and not just bits of it.