Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Bloomin_Freezing2

Another hug and pat on the back poppyfields, I don't know how long i'd remain calm if my daughter kept on refusing to tell me of something of such importance.

She doesn't want to say because 'he'll be angry' is that right? So it's not someone she met as a one off then, it's someone she's in contact with. If she decides to keep the baby he's going to know soon enough when she starts showing. She will need you then if the poop really hits the fan. I so wish she would tell you, hopefully she will and it's not to much of a wait until then. x

Plans_all_plans

My thought was that she could be saying he'll be angry because she could be embarrassed if she doesn't know who he is and she's trying to cover it up.

By the way poppy, I'm not casting aspersions on your daughter by saying this is a possibility, I just think that it could be a possibility (even if it's a very small one)

pcal

have you any idea of boys she was hangin around with at the time?. maybe just drop their names in and say is it them. another thing i dont remember being metioned. could it be a friend boyfriend or a friends ex and thats why she doesnt want to say

Errata

If she's planning to continue attending school, you need to tell the school that she's almost 4 months pregnant so the school takes whatever steps are necessary to protect her health and pregnancy.
I suggest if she's adamant that she won't tell you, that you and her father sit down together with her and at least discover why she won't tell you. You have a right to that.
If her fear of the father's reaction far outweighs her trust in you and her dad then the three of you need to get to the bottom of that.

MrsAtobe

Keep doing what you're doing, you're a wonderful mum.

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thank you. I was wondering if I should speak to the school, or even, her friends mum(s). Do you think that's a bad or good idea?

I don't think talking to her friends mum(s) is a good idea at the moment, if she hasn't told any of her friends, but I think the school will need to know about her pregnancy anyway, so it might be an idea to ask the question.

Would your ex be able to help with finding out? I did wonder if the father might be the boyfriend of one of her friends, hence the reticence to name him. My 16 year old niece does that shrugging thing, drives me nuts:)

thorsoak

You are doing well, Poppyfields - you are holding everything together and your daughter knows that she has your support in whatever she decides.

The school is going to have to know at some stage - in your shoes, I think I would be telling her that I shall be talking to the school, that they will ask who the father is, and that you do not wish to say that you/she does not know - UNLESS IT IS THE TRUTH.

Tell her that as she is normally so honest and open with you, and that she won't/can't tell you, all you can assume is that something dreadful happened to her - which would not be her fault - and that she doesn't know the identity of the baby's father - ask her is this the case? If so, it isn't her fault, that although she should report it to the police, that will be her decision.

I think this is a case where you have to voice your fears outright - and at least get a denial of them.

mrs_marty

Tent wrote: »

Yes and you really want to know don't you ?[/QUOTE

If it was any of my daughters of which I have two and I had managed to stay so calm for so long, I bet your mean !!! it would be eating me up!!

Compassion goes a long way.

Your reason for sticking with this post..................................hmmm

carolan78

I would go along the lines shellsuit gave you and make it perfectly that sooner or later she will have to tell either you or her father or even the police because if she doesn't open up that is where I would go due to the worry of her not saying who the father is. I know she is going through hell of a lot for someone of such a young age but now know she is healthy and if she hasn't opened up over lunch it is time for you to get a little tougher on her to find out who the father is or at least whatever information she has.

Also 14 weeks wouldn't be half term it would the beginning of March, so I don't even think the dates would fit with the Feb half term unless she is 2 weeks further than the Dr thinks and if that is the case time is of the essence if she decides termination is her best option. Sending you my strength too because only knows I would need all the strength I could get from where ever I could get it if I was in your shoes. Your doing a fantastic job of the situation so far, just don't get too wrapped up in not wanting to add to your daughters problems because she is going through hell right now because you will go through hell with worry if she never tells you who the babies father is.

Also on a side note if she makes her choice without telling anyone who the babies father is then she may well choose abortion purely so she might not have to. That might in the long run be bad for her mental health she needs to make the choice one way or another with everything out in the open and a clearish head not one full of worry over how she is going to keep the father a secret.

Welshdebtor

Social Services as said by others, will become involved/be made aware as she is under 16. Though more often than not nothing is done unless they suspect something, if they do the police may become involved. Even through all this she does not have to give names etc. But her reluctance to give details could make SS's involvement longer/bigger than she wants/needs. I say this stressing the "may's" and "could's'"

I think at present especially given the limited time, she needs to concentrate on deciding what to do next before you try and get the name/age out of her. Whether the father is 15,16,24,33, or 54 she still needs to decide whether she wants the baby or not. Hope that makes sense. Guess what I mean is do not make it too much of a priority to get the age out of her soon .

Edit - then again if the father is of suitable age then maybe he has a right to know asap of her situation and plans. It's a hard one.

Maybe she find it easier to tell an outsider such in one of the groups she is considering for 1-1 sessions. However if she goes and tells this person that the father is alot older, is that person duty bound to pass it on or keep it confidential? I would hope it would be passed on. Or even fathers age aside, could she tell the person during a 1-1 session and for you to never know???? Which will leave you worrying.

atush

Poppy,

so sorry about your situation. As a mom of 3 teen boys, believe me I have made sure this won't happen ie I have made sure my sons won't put anyone's daughters in this position.

But eventually you will need to get her to tell you who the father is. He and his family must help you and your daughter. And if he is not a teen, well he needs to be called to account before he takes advantage of another young girl.

Good luck to you and your daughter. We hope things turn out well for you both, and try and support your daughter to keep her in education if you can. It will help her and her child's future.