Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

RAS

I understand where you re comng from rach in one way.

The difficulty is that if there is an older adult involved or it was forced sex, and she decides to terminate, then the evidence needs to be retained in case she decides to make a formal complaint later. If it was someone in a position of trust, the employer may insist that SS and police are involved and to put it bluntly, confirmed DNA evidence could save her going into the witness box.

busiscoming2

Poppy, can't imagine how awful the not knowing and wondering is for you.

Would you think that telling her you think something 'bad' or 'forced' has happened to her and are imagining it is one of her friends dads or the man who runs the youth club and that you need to know, may make her more forthcoming?

Welshdebtor

RAS wrote: »

I understand where you re comng from rach in one way.

The difficulty is that if there is an older adult involved or it was forced sex, and she decides to terminate, then the evidence needs to be retained in case she decides to make a formal complaint later. If it was someone in a position of trust, the employer may insist that SS and police are involved and to put it bluntly, confirmed DNA evidence could save her going into the witness box.

How would you get DNA from the "baby/embryo/foetus" if it terminated?I did not think you could take an unborn childs DNA due to the risk.However I believe it can be done but usually for medical reasons.

rachbc

RAS wrote: »

I understand where you re comng from rach in one way.

The difficulty is that if there is an older adult involved or it was forced sex, and she decides to terminate, then the evidence needs to be retained in case she decides to make a formal complaint later. If it was someone in a position of trust, the employer may insist that SS and police are involved and to put it bluntly, confirmed DNA evidence could save her going into the witness box.

Yes I undertsand WHY she would want to know but my question was HOW - she can coerce, bribe, emotionally blackmail, threaten to her hearts content but she cannot MAKE her tell. And given that surely doing any/ all of the above is a waste of vaulable energy and risks breaching the trust op has with her dd.

the_cat

Poppy - you are doing an amazing job

How do you think your dd would react to asking just if she consented or not and the age of the father? Maybe by not having to name names but just confirm these details it would help? Espec if you promised not to ask any further if she told you that much

If she won't do this (not today maybe but over the next 2-3 days) I think I would feel obliged to go to the police. Obv you don't want to come across as threatening her with this, but maybe you could explain that this is what you will have to do if she doesn't tell you anything?

Pollycat

Is it just me who is uncomfortable with all the speculation of who the possible father could be and the circumstances surrounding this girls' pregnancy - including whether she was forced or not.

I think the OP is doing a great job in dealing with this and can totally understand why she is so keen to find this out but I'm not sure all this talk about friend's brother(s), teachers, strangers etc as potential fathers is helping.
I'm sure the OP's imagination is running riot over this as it is.

poppyfield19, I do hope your daughter opens up to you in the near future.

johnswife

Poppy - as the mother of three daughters (18,19,21) I have been reading this thread with interest just hoping you can sort everything out. You must be so worried for your daughter.

Perhaps you need some help to go forward with your daughter. As your doctor seemed so helpful, perhaps you could go and see them again and tell him/her your fears about the conception. Your doctor may refer you to someone who can help you get the answers you want. Your daughter may even open up to someone who is trained in this area and your fears may all be for nothing.

I wish you the best of luck in the coming days.

POPPYOSCAR

Poppyfield do you have any plans for the next few days until her father comes over?

Is she going to stay off school for a while?

Welshdebtor

It could just as easily be someone her age who she thinks her mum will disapprove of, a boyfriend of one of her friends, or even a boy one of her mates likes.

Obviously anyone with children does not know what their children get up to 24/7, even less so when we do not know the girl involved personally.

But the OP's daughter sounds like someone who is not the hanging around streets, going out alone etc type of person. She is always (least as far as her mum knows) always with at least one friend. I doubt she would have much chance to meet an older man. Even the reading club she has a friend who goes with her.

I may be wrong but I am leaning more towards someone close to her age taking the above into account, even if he is the other side of 16.

That said (and as I said yesterday) we nor the OP know anything about the father, so maybe it is not right to "try and guess".

poppyfield19

She isn't feeling great at the moment in general so I'm going to keep her off school for this week and see how she is feeling next Monday.