Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

soup

I don't know if its been suggested already but I'd nip out and buy a preg tester and do one tomorrow morning when she gets home to make 100% sure there is no mistake.

GobbledyGook

I think contacting her and letting her know that you love her and that she could come home if she wanted tonight was the best thing you could have done. Although she'll still be terrified she knows that she still has you which will be a huge comfort to her.

I think talk of the police and the likes is far, far too premature. Even if it was appropriate it's something that shouldn't be done without conversations with the daughter first to see how she feels about it all. Calling the police on her 16-year-old boyfriend might be the right thing to do legally, but might just drive a huge wedge between the mother and daughter which is the last thing the girl needs atm.

Listen to her, support her and inform her of her choices would be my suggestions. Don't tell her what you want her to do or what you think she should do, this is a decision that she needs to come to herself (with support) as it will impact on her, either way, for the rest of her life.

thorsoak

First of all, {{hugs}} - you are not the first mother to be told by her 15 year old daughter that she is to be a grandmother - AND YOU WON'T BE THE LAST!

You must be in such a turmoil, that probably being on your own this evening (with OH or really on your own - you don't mention OH, so I'm making an assumption here). Tomorrow morning, when your daughter comes home, as others have said, the first thing to do is to give her a hug and tell her that you love her - and that you will support her all the way in whatever she decides she is going to do.

Ask if the father is on the scene - or is this the result of a casual encounter - now that is going to be a difficult question I appreciate. Has she already consulted a doctor/nurse? And as has been suggested already, it might be advisable - depending upon how she answers the firt question - to test for STD.

Once you know a bit more, you'll be in abetter place to support her in what she wants to do next - if she knows what she wants to do next - abortion, adoption, bringing up baby with your support - but it will have to be her decision.

{{hugs}}

poppyfield19

Just want to thank you all for responding again

My daughter sent a text to say she might want to come home later tonight but she isn't ready to yet, which is fine if that is what she wants to do. Not sure what to do with myself though, don't have the younger 2 in the house so just me and the dogs for the night!

Definitely will not be calling the police right now if at all.

Abortion is something that I personally don't like the idea of - but if she decided that was the right thing for her to do, then I would support her in that decision. I honestly don't think she will, knowing her personality.

Sorry if I've not responded to anything, still confused!

Sequeena

I have no advice but I hope everything works out ok x

shy-but-need-help

I think it speaks volumes about your relationship with her that she knew she could call you and tell you herself. So many girls her age would try and hide from the situation (I have a cousin who gave birth in her bedroom after hiding her entire pregnancy). Your support will be hugely important to her. I agree with the posters who've mentioned doctors visits as well as doing a test with her, her options may be very different depending on how long she's known she is pregnant. If she decides to continue her pregnancy then there are alot of resources for under 16s also most hospitals will STI screen as part of booking in checks.

My husband and I were teenage parents, not quite as young as your daughter (17) and at the time my parents were very shocked as they just viewed him as my friend I hung out with, they did hit the roof but once they calmed down their support was absolutely priceless (especially as other posters have mentioned the gossip/stigma is absolutely awful, I spent most of my first pregnancy with my head down avoiding eye contact when out in public) We did marry, we now have five lovely children and we're genuinely happy even though the early years were a huge challenge.

Stay strong, you sound like a very loving mom who is worried about her daughter. As other posters have said your daughter can move on from this and have a promising future no matter whether she choses to end her pregnancy, keep her baby or adopt, she doesn't have to let the teenage parent stereotyping dictate her future.

poppyfield19

thorsoak - thanks for the reply. It is just me yes, so no OH to discuss it with.

I haven't asked if she's been to the doctor or anything yet, I'm assuming that she hasn't. She begged be to not tell anybody and said just I knew - I don't think she's done anything about it yet like that.

It will be difficult asking questions regarding the father. Hopefully she will be honest though.

savingmummy

Night to yourself could be just what you need tbh!
Nice bath, hot drink/favourite tipple on the sofa and relax with a fleece blanket

poppyfield19

Thanks - might go and get a takeaway (and pick up a pregnancy test too, so we can do that again in the morning) and try and relax a bit tonight.

I am so so glad that she has felt she could tell me about the pregnancy, even if it was by phone. I know that we can get through this together, whatever she decides to do.

Sequeena

Just so you know, if she does decide to go through the pregnancy she will have a basic STD test done at her booking appointment/scan (chlamydia, herpes etc).