Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

POPPYOSCAR

peachyprice wrote: »

Yes, very true, but once you are a parent there is part of you that will always be thinking of your children. I don't think you can ever re-capture the carefree (and yes, selfish ) attitiude you have when you are young.

Why can you not be carefree if you are a parent of grown up children?


We have found that as we are getting older and our children are becoming independent we no longer put them first anymore and we are thinking of ourselves an awful lot more. Children when they have flown the nest have their own lives to lead and their own mistakes to make and do not need their parents thinking of them all the time, so I would disagree with you on that one.

poppyfield19

vax2002 wrote: »

Dont you think it might form part of your parental responsibilities to find out what is going on, in case you need to stop it.

Of course it is. I'm taking her to the doctors first because I feel that's the most important right now.

poet123

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Why can you not be carefree if you are a parent of grown up children?


We have found that as we are getting older and our children are becoming independent we no longer put them first anymore and we are thinking of ourselves an awful lot more. Children when they have flown the nest have their own lives to lead and their own mistakes to make and do not need their parents thinking of them all the time, so I would disagree with you on that one.

I agree when they are adult you do not behave in the same way as when they are children, but fundamentally, once a parent, always a parent. If they had a crisis I am sure that regardless of plans made you would be there. So, whilst there are pros to the situation, I too believe that ultimately, there are more cons.

Really, imo those who choose that route are making the best out of a bad situation, life will never be the same, and they will be different to their peers.

POPPYOSCAR

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Of course it is. I'm taking her to the doctors first because I feel that's the most important right now.

I think you are doing the right things and in the right order.

vax2002

To be 100% honest I do hope both you and the baby work out fine, however I am deeply concerned that your child will not reveal who this "nasty" man is who has made her pregnant.
I would be making sure that fact was established at the earliest opportunity for three reasons.
Firstly it may be a much older man who has well we are not using the "r" word, so lets say lead her astray so he can break the law and Secondly that it may still be going on and you could have stopped it from happening again and to others and lastly, what will this person do to cover up what has happened, your daughter could be in severe danger without knowing it.
Liberal parenting is all well and good but sometimes when the muck hits the fan you have to re-establish your authority as an adult in charge, before the state steps in and does it for you.

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

I agree when they are adult you do not behave in the same way as when they are children, but fundamentally, once a parent, always a parent. If they had a crisis I am sure that regardless of plans made you would be there. So, whilst there are pros to the situation, I too believe that ultimately, there are more cons.

Really, imo those who choose that route are making the best out of a bad situation, life will never be the same, and they will be different to their peers.

Yes of course, but by the same token my teenage children would be there for me in a crisis as well.

Well my friend, although not best pleased at the time tells me that she is glad that it happened that way that she had them so young, and that she is living her life to the full now that they are offhand.So although not ideal for everyone for some it can be a good thing and not just making the best of it.

Errata

VAX - your febrile imagination is simply leading you to create scenarios which are frankly absurd.

gizmo111

vax2002 wrote: »

To be 100% honest I do hope both you and the baby work out fine, however I am deeply concerned that your child will not reveal who this "nasty" man is who has made her pregnant.
I would be making sure that fact was established at the earliest opportunity for three reasons.
Firstly it may be a much older man who has well we are not using the "r" word, so lets say lead her astray so he can break the law and Secondly that it may still be going on and you could have stopped it from happening again and to others and lastly, what will this person do to cover up what has happened, your daughter could be in severe danger without knowing it.
Liberal parenting is all well and good but sometimes when the muck hits the fan you have to re-establish your authority as an adult in charge, before the state steps in and does it for you.

Christ the child confided in her mother less than 48 hours ago, give them a chance to think. At this stage the identity of the father is not priority and will come over the next few days, she is probably finding it all very embarassing and talking about who she had sex with to her mum may just be too much for her right now. She is seeing the dr today and when she knows dates etc then she will be able to make an informed decision with the support of her mum (and maybe dad). Who the father is at this stage, if it was consensual etc is not the most important thing , establishing the facts of the pregnancy (EDD) and thinking about and planning the future are and it is important that mum retains the trust of her daughter so she can tell her everything when the time is right.

POPPYOSCAR

vax2002 wrote: »

To be 100% honest I do hope both you and the baby work out fine, however I am deeply concerned that your child will not reveal who this "nasty" man is who has made her pregnant.
I would be making sure that fact was established at the earliest opportunity for three reasons.
Firstly it may be a much older man who has well we are not using the "r" word, so lets say lead her astray so he can break the law and Secondly that it may still be going on and you could have stopped it from happening again and to others and lastly, what will this person do to cover up what has happened, your daughter could be in severe danger without knowing it.
Liberal parenting is all well and good but sometimes when the muck hits the fan you have to re-establish your authority as an adult in charge, before the state steps in and does it for you.

You are assuming so much as you have no knowledge of the Op and her daughter. Her priority here is to the immediate welfare of her daughter and what is best for her and the Op is IMO doing exactly the right things for now. There is plenty of time when the dust has settled to find out how this happened and take appropriate action then.

My Daughter is nearly 15 and she is in many ways a young women and if this happened to me I would be doing exactly the same as the OP.

Oldernotwiser

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I had my kids later in life first one at 34 but I have a friend who had her first child at 17 and when they were old enough was able to go on to have a good career, so there are advantages both ways in my eyes.

There's more to living life to the full than having a good career.

One would hope that most parents in their thirties don't go out and behave like teenagers!