Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I think that you would be very surprised if you knew what teenagers actually got up to and would not want to emulate them.

For someone who mentions so often that they worked with teenagers and young people you have such an awfully low opinion of them. I know many teenagers, through work, through friends and family and have several friends who teach them, its not that long since I was one! Most of them are the decent citizens of the future who are just developing their impulse control a bit.

I wonder why on earth you chose your career and I sincerely hope you managed to hide your contempt and distaste for teenagers from the ones you were supposed to be helping and supporting.

adouglasmhor

viktory wrote: »

That's as maybe, but both myself and another poster (quoted earlier) have noted that there are a considerable number of one parent families - far higher numbers than in previous years. I suppose it would depend to some extent where you live and work.

I knew quite a few people who were raised in one parent families in the 40s and 50s with the help of Aunts and grannies etc.
Same in the 20s as well.

POPPYOSCAR

peachyprice wrote: »

But that's the thing that is so worrying about OP's situation. Her DD sounds like a perfect teen, rarely going out, no boyfriend, studying, planning her future, spending time in her room listening to music, making sure her little sisters are happy. So just how did she manage to get pregnant?

If it had been a case of 'My DD and her BF of how ever many months have been having sex and have found themselves pregnant' it would be a completley different discussion.

OP must be going out of her mind with worry just when and with whom this has happened.

I think the persona our children have with us is not always the same as the one they have when they are with their peers.

Her daughter obviously stays with friends, she may have been meeting up with a particular boy on these occasions that her mum knows nothing about.

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I wasn't having sex at this age, one of the reasons being that there was no really reliable method of contraception available before the pill came into use. Nowadays you have to go around with ears and eyes closed not be aware of how many methods there are, both before and after having sex.

The attitude that it's just a matter of luck not to get pregnant does a great disservice to women and particularly young single girls who may well decide not to bother if responsible adults tell them that it all comes down to luck!

Perhaps this viewpoint is one of the reasons that the UK has such a high rate of teenage pregnancy - perhaps they're all just "unlucky"!

Thank God we do have the pill and various other methods of contraception available.

However, they still aren't foolproof, anybody who has sex , unless they've had a hysterectomy, is at risk of pregnancy. Its not just a matter of luck because you can dramatically reduce your odds, but yes, there will always be a few unlucky ones and they could be the most sensible, intelligent, mature girls around.

Heck, I'm bordering on paranoid regarding contraception but I've still had a couple of scares!

paddy's_mum

I'm probably going to get well and truly flamed for this but ...

I just have a niggling, uneasy feeling that the identity of the father is going to open up the most awful can of worms. The girl doesn't seem to be behaving like a giddy girl - eg same age boyfriend, endless primping in the bathroom, acting moonstruck etc.

I so hope that there is nothing sinister going on but feel obliged to say that I found the girl's choice of word to describe the putative father's reaction as "angry" to be deeply worrying. A wet-behind-the-ears immature boy might well be described as shocked, oh-my-gawd or even couldn't-care-less but angry ...?

Might this be a teacher, relative, internet 'friend' ... the ramifications are obviously appalling to even contemplate but I find myself reluctantly agreeing with a previous poster who suggested that the girl might even be in physical danger if someone is desperate to shut her up.

I don't believe that there is some wicked, ungodly bloke every six houses all over the country but unfortunately, there are enough of them out there to make any parent worry. In the OP's shoes, I'd go on doing all the right things (exactly as she is doing) but I'd also make it very much my business to find out just who and, perhaps more importantly, what the father is.

Oldernotwiser

Person_one wrote: »

For someone who mentions so often that they worked with teenagers and young people you have such an awfully low opinion of them. I know many teenagers, through work, through friends and family and have several friends who teach them, its not that long since I was one! Most of them are the decent citizens of the future who are just developing their impulse control a bit.

I wonder why on earth you chose your career and I sincerely hope you managed to hide your contempt and distaste for teenagers from the ones you were supposed to be helping and supporting.

I haven't worked with teenagers for some years but if you don't think that many of them indulge in promiscuous (often unprotected) sex, excessive drug and alcohol abuse and antisocial behaviour then you must have led a very sheltered life!

If you're going to work with teenagers, there's no point in wearing rose coloured spectacles; you need to be a realist more than anything else. Most of them may go on to become "decent citizens of the future" but that doesn't alter their behaviour and attitudes before they reach that point!

(Just for the record, none of this is aimed at the OP's daughter.)

peachyprice

Me too Paddy's mum. Especially as the father has abandoned the family recently. (Not saying it's anything to do with the father BTW)

Oldernotwiser

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think the persona our children have with us is not always the same as the one they have when they are with their peers.

Her daughter obviously stays with friends, she may have been meeting up with a particular boy on these occasions that her mum knows nothing about.

I'm sure that's perfectly likely but it does go to show how little even the best parents know about what their teens get up to.

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I haven't worked with teenagers for some years but if you don't think that many of them indulge in promiscuous (often unprotected) sex, excessive drug and alcohol abuse and antisocial behaviour then you must have led a very sheltered life!

If you're going to work with teenagers, there's no point in wearing rose coloured spectacles; you need to be a realist more than anything else. Most of them may go on to become "decent citizens of the future" but that doesn't alter their behaviour and attitudes before they reach that point!

(Just for the record, none of this is aimed at the OP's daughter.)

Ah, the 'sheltered life' rebuttal, used to dismiss anybody with a more positive view of the situation regardless of their experiences. If you're willing to dismiss and castigate a whole section of the population based solely on age, I suppose that's up to you, I suspect you'd be up in arms if anybody tried that about the over 50s!

Oh and I don't actually think I need patronising career advice from you, thanks anyway though.

POPPYOSCAR

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I'm probably going to get well and truly flamed for this but ...

I just have a niggling, uneasy feeling that the identity of the father is going to open up the most awful can of worms. The girl doesn't seem to be behaving like a giddy girl - eg same age boyfriend, endless primping in the bathroom, acting moonstruck etc.

I so hope that there is nothing sinister going on but feel obliged to say that I found the girl's choice of word to describe the putative father's reaction as "angry" to be deeply worrying. A wet-behind-the-ears immature boy might well be described as shocked, oh-my-gawd or even couldn't-care-less but angry ...?

Might this be a teacher, relative, internet 'friend' ... the ramifications are obviously appalling to even contemplate but I find myself reluctantly agreeing with a previous poster who suggested that the girl might even be in physical danger if someone is desperate to shut her up.

I don't believe that there is some wicked, ungodly bloke every six houses all over the country but unfortunately, there are enough of them out there to make any parent worry. In the OP's shoes, I'd go on doing all the right things (exactly as she is doing) but I'd also make it very much my business to find out just who and, perhaps more importantly, what the father is.

You could be right but at this point I think it is all supposition and the Op is following the right course in firstly supporting her daughter and taking her to the doctor. To put added pressure on her daughter at this point when she clearly does not want to say will IMO not help the situation.Everyone needs to come to terms with the pregnancy and then the trust of her daughter will surely come when she can confide totally to her mum(or indeed someone else) as to what exactly has happened and with whom.