Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Person_one

I think adoption would be a bit harder on the child these days than it used to be. A child given up today would know that its birth mother most likely had a choice but still decided they didn't want them. Not so long ago it was more likely the case that the mother didn't have a great many options and adoption wasn't really a choice, which I think is easier to come to terms with.

Its an option, but I don't think its an easy option at all, I know I wouldn't want to put myself through the emotional journey and the physical risks of a pregnancy if I didn't plan to become a parent at the end of it.

**confuzzled**

Just read through the thread and just wanted to say hope all goes well at the doctors and Poppyfields.....you're handling this brilliantly, you're obviously a very good mum:)

Person_one

Errata wrote: »

The daughter is the only one that can make a decision about her future. The options are:

Termination
or
Continue with the pregnancy and
a) bring the child up herself
b) have the child adopted
c) have the child fostered
d) ask the father to bring the child up
Each of these options has pros and cons. The daughter needs to be aware of and understand the consequences of all the pros and cons. This information won't be available from the OP or anyone else emotionally involved in the situation. Good information is pragmatic, accurate, has no agenda, and should be sought by the daughter as a matter of some urgency in order that she can decide on the future course of her life.
Someone has suggested not using the word baby, but using embryo or feutus instead. This seems very cold and clinical, although accurate; my view is that the word pregnancy would be a better fit.

C and D aren't really sensible options. You can't just hand a baby over to foster parents while you decide if you want it and expect to get it back if you ask, and even if the father were willing to raise a baby the mother would still have parental responsibility.

pcal

your doing the right thing. letting your dd make the choice and just being their supporting whatever she decides. and to the posters who said it will ruin her life having a baby. no it wont it will change her life. although its not ideal she could be a great mum. the doctor will giv her all options depending on how far along she is.

Bloomin_Freezing2

Seems to me that your daughter has a good head on her shoulders. I'm sure sh will make the best choice for herself and others concerned.

You have taught her well poppyfields! Well done you too for remaining calm.

marywooyeah

Person_one wrote: »

Oh, and I just wanted to point out that you won't find 'Post Abortion Syndrome' mentioned in any reputable psychiatric texts or journals. Not that some women don't struggle and have some emotional issues after terminations, but IMO these were either present beforehand or they weren't making the right decision for whatever reason.

'PAS' is an invention of the anti movement, the vast majority of women who have abortions don't suffer any major side effects, either physical or emotional. Please don't let scaremongerers influence how you communicate with your daughter about this.

I know people further down have disagreed with you but you are right - as far as I know it is not "officially" medically recognised i.e. its not in the DSM IV or elsewhere, but for years it has been informally recognised as a form of PTSD. I can tell you after being shown a list of symptoms of PTSD I recognised that I was suffering from most of them as a result of my abortion and my counsellor told me of PAS.

I am not intending to turn this into a debate of rights and wrongs of abortion or "scaremonger" anyone, I just shared my experience but if you read my earlier post (page 15 or 16) I also said that many posters on here had positive experiences of abortion.

gizmo111

Person_one wrote: »

C and D aren't really sensible options. You can't just hand a baby over to foster parents while you decide if you want it and expect to get it back if you ask, and even if the father were willing to raise a baby the mother would still have parental responsibility.

C is not an option long term, if the child is given up then it will be adopted.

MichaelCR

I know its easy for me and everyone else to say, But abortion is really the only way for this one, Because bringing a child into the world at 15 when you are still a kid yourself will do nothing but put her life on hold. Its unfair on that child to be born and be put up for adoption etc etc. Even if she wanted to keep the baby then how would she support it ?

Obviously illegal sex has occurred, In law terms its called 'Statuary Rape', But i think the worst thing to do is go to the police right now, As your daughter obviously trusts you enough to tell you in the first place, So don't do anything rotational right now.

Talk to her, Don't be angry, But be assertive, If she does abort then it wont be an easy ride, Abortions from what i know aren't an easy way out, And she will need your support. Young and silly comes to mind here !

Best of luck with this sensitive matter !

Errata

gizmo111 wrote: »

C is not an option long term, if the child is given up then it will be adopted.

It may be if the foster carer(s) are members of the parents' extended family.

viktory

Tish_P wrote: »

Viktory, the OP has made it clear the decision is her daughter's and she will support it whatever the daughter chooses. As a single mum and having been a teenage girl herself I doubt the OP has any rosy delusions about how difficult things can be so there is no need to keep banging on at her like this.

I am not 'banging on; as you so eloquently put it. I haven’t seen any posts like mine, actually outlining what the reality of life with a baby at the age of fifteen is going to be like. It is eminently possible that the OP is getting carried away with the emotion and romance of a new baby and I thought it important the other side of the coin is shown. While I fully appreciate the OP has *said* that the decision will be entirely her daughter’s own, I am not convinced she has given honest, hard headed, realistic information on the darker side of being a teenage, single parent. The OP may have been a single parent – but was she a teenage single parent?

Had the OP wished to only have posts where ((hugs)) and pats on the back are given, then perhaps she should have made it clear at the start. I had no idea one could only post if one was going to relentlessly congratulate the OP on what a wonderful mother she is. If this is the case, then please accept my apologies for trying to give a balanced view.