Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

soup

Perhaps this thread has run its course now and anything useful has been posted already. To crank it up to 500 posts for the sake of it seems pointless.

thorsoak

Dear Vax2002 and all others whose daughters would never EVER get into this situation - please pray that you never find you and your family being reported thus - see http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23369226-15-year-old-quizzed-over-alleged-murder-of-her-newborn-baby.do

Basically, this 15 year old bright, promising schoolgirl became pregnant by a "casual" boyfriend, could not tell her family who expected great things from her - and the report above gives a brief outline of what happened.

The girl was charged with the murder of her newborn child, found guilty and sentanced. The whole family - including the girl's grandparents - moved away from the area in which they had lived and had a successful business for over 40 years. I don't know where they moved - but as they left, the girl's mother said to her neighbour "we have to move for xxx and for her sister's sake - but we are all broken hearted - we feel that we've not only lost our little girl - but we have also lost a grandchild too".

How do I know this? Because at the time after the trial I worked with the neighbour. She said that the father of xxxxx was quite strict with his girls and always said how proud he was of what they intended to do with their lives.

It's a sad story - and a cautionery tale of what can go wrong in a parent/child relationship.

Torry_Quine

thorsoak wrote: »

Dear Vax2002 and all others whose daughters would never EVER get into this situation - please pray that you never find you and your family being reported thus - see http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23369226-15-year-old-quizzed-over-alleged-murder-of-her-newborn-baby.do

Basically, this 15 year old bright, promising schoolgirl became pregnant by a "casual" boyfriend, could not tell her family who expected great things from her - and the report above gives a brief outline of what happened.

The girl was charged with the murder of her newborn child, found guilty and sentanced. The whole family - including the girl's grandparents - moved away from the area in which they had lived and had a successful business for over 40 years. I don't know where they moved - but as they left, the girl's mother said to her neighbour "we have to move for xxx and for her sister's sake - but we are all broken hearted - we feel that we've not only lost our little girl - but we have also lost a grandchild too".

How do I know this? Because at the time after the trial I worked with the neighbour. She said that the father of xxxxx was quite strict with his girls and always said how proud he was of what they intended to do with their lives.

It's a sad story - and a cautionery tale of what can go wrong in a parent/child relationship.

A very real tragedy and why it is good that the OP has good communication with her daughter.

Oldernotwiser

Welshdebtor wrote: »

OP you/your daughter may find this link useful http://www.careconfidential.com/MyTeenageDaughterIsPregnant.aspx

I think it inappropriate to recommend a young person to an organisation with such a definite agenda as this one.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2008/nov/25/anti-abortion-schools

Rev

No practical advice. Just wanted to say well done OP for both handling this without managing to push your daughter so far away she never wants to see you again. And having built such a relationship with her in the first place that she felt she could tell you. How many teenagers do you know that feel they can be so honest with their parents.

And please, ignore all the delusional, ignorant, nasty little trolls who have never made a mistake in their entire life and who's kids (if they have any, which I suspect not, given how they think you can simply put your foot down with a 15 yr old) are completely perfect. They have nothing better to do with their sad little lives than upset people from behind their keyboards.

I say just keep doing what you're doing, going to doctors, talking about it, finding out who the father is etc.

Oldernotwiser

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Actually CARE are 100% impartial. They offer free non-judgemental, non-directional counselling. They will go through all the options with the client and let them come to their own decision. They can then give support whatever the decision.

I hope that you both manage to get a good night's sleep.

I'm afraid that's untrue - you shouldn't believe their propaganda.

CFC

poppyfield19 wrote: »

She works hard and her spare time is spent playing with her sisters to keep them happy, or in her room drawing or listening to music.

I think you'll find different. She must have met this chap somewhere and spent substantial time with him!

On the bright side, worrying that he will be angry doesn't mean anything in terms of age or abuse, so I sincerely hope it is another youngster who is the partner. I've dealt with a number of young pregnant girls (none as young as yours) and it's not uncommon that the putative father is very angry at them being pregnant. Heaven knows why, after all it takes two. Just a general sign of immaturity I guess.

I would add - try not to call it a baby; it isn't yet. And remember that if you encourage her to go to term then you'll be looking after a baby again, if she goes back to school. You've got to be on board with any outcome.

It's easy to be swayed by the thought of 'YES a grandchild, keep keep keep', but don't underestimate how hard it will be for her to make something of her life if she has a child. Some still do, but I don't believe that they are the majority.

Torry_Quine

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'm afraid that's untrue - you shouldn't believe their propaganda.

I know exactly what I'm talking about and stand by what I said. The centres which give counselling are independent and impartial.

Welshdebtor

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I think it inappropriate to recommend a young person to an organisation with such a definite agenda as this one.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2008/nov/25/anti-abortion-schools

Sorry but do not remember saying the OP should ring them, I only said the link may be useful

I made an earlier post about were advice could be sought

Torry_Quine

Welshdebtor wrote: »

Sorry but do not remember saying the OP should ring them, I only said the link may be useful

I made an earlier post about were advice could be sought

There is a diference though between the centres which are independent and any campaigning or education work which these organisations may do.