Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

mumps

vax2002 wrote: »

As I said earlier, as far as the law stands, the child has been raped, thats the law of this land, like it or lump it.
I would sit the child down and establish some authority over the situation, the first thing is, who is in charge, I think it is called been a "parent".
I would establish the age of the other party, you know the "angry one" she is scared of, for all we know we could be talking about a 40 year old man here that has abused a child, and also establish how long this has been going on for.
Things would get done right, all i.s dotted and all T's crossed again which is your responsibility as a parent.
this is no time for namby pamby cotton wool dont get her cross time, this is time to stamp your foot down and gain some control over the child, if you are in capable of doing so, it is time to call in social services and have the child placed with foster parents who are capable of establishing and adult and child relationship.
One things is for certain, what has been going on needs to be established very quickly and given that information a stop may need to be made to it and if that involves the police prosecuting some pervert for rape, then so be it.
Just look where not wanting to upset her or cause strops has landed.
Yes it is a mess, yes you can sort it out, but not without putting your foot firmly down.

Isn't statutory rape an American offence, in English law it is Unlawful Sexual Intercourse with a minor. Well it was in my Police days. Of course she might have been raped but it is unlikely the Police will take any notice if she is having a relationship with a teenage boy.

shy-but-need-help

Just wanted to add here- alot of talk about social services being called as though they are always the evil, finger-wagging, bringer of doom, even if they ARE called (which most likely they won't be) they would be called in to be a supporting role, not a chastising one- they wouldn't be there to tell you you're wrong or anything like that, but the offer your daughter appropriate support to get the best life for herself and her baby, they'd be the ones with links to centres for continuing education with a baby pre-16 and be a good link to accessing necessary support. So please if they are mentioned to you OP don't assume it's a bad thing.

I also agree about notifying school if she decides to keep her baby, when I notified my college they carried out a health and safety assessment/talk with me which was very straight forward and just made a couple of minor adjustments.

mum2one

vax2002 wrote: »

I think you may find they will be contacting you.

I'd don't mean to be rude as its not in my nature, but all you seem to be doing is stirring up mud, throwing accusactions, and getting on a lot of people nerves, so why don't you do us all a favour and go to another thread,

mumps

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thanks looby - yes I'll definitely need to find out who the father is and know the situation exactly....
But I do think it's most important to take her to the doctor tomorrow and get her checked, does that sound fair?

Good luck, I hope all goes well. It isn't the end of the world, I was 17, just, when I found out I was pregnant. He has a first class honours degree and is a very useful member of socieity so not quite the disaster some people thought. I had a lot of pressure from my GP to have an abortion but I knew I never would. Just listen to your daughter and find out what she wants and I am sure you will get through it together.

G51shopaholic

Be strong for her but no matter what you need her to continue to put her trust in you. You really need to find out how far along she is.

It will be difficult but you need to talk through all the options available, including termination; depending on how far along she is, adoption & keeping the baby.

Each one is a life changing decision. unfortunately time is not on her side.

Good luck & god bless

Frugalista

mum2one wrote: »

I'd don't mean to be rude as its not in my nature, but all you seem to be doing is stirring up mud, throwing accusactions, and getting on a lot of people nerves, so why don't you do us all a favour and go to another thread,

Whilst I may not agree with the majority of vax's comments, I would point out that it is not your place to chase him/her off the thread and if he is getting on your nerves you could also leave.

This is an open forum - anyone can post.

ETA - there have been numerous posts on "I was 15, had the baby and we all lived happily ever after" - what about those who had terminations and never regretted it? It's seems like most posters on here have decided that keeping the child is the best thing - what if it's not?

System

Frugalista wrote: »

Whilst I may not agree with the majority of vax's comments, I would point out that it is not your place to chase him/her off the thread and if he is getting on your nerves you could also leave.

This is an open forum - anyone can post.

You forgot the rule about

Please be sensitive : This may be a web forum, but you’re still talking to other human beings.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=3477038&postcount=29

mum2one

I only guess its been a long day for the both of you, but you've both come through it, sorry to be nosey, but did you said you had 2 other children, - trying to think they may pick up on any tension, and you may need to be prepared how to answer it.
I don't mean to throw another spanner into the works.

KiKi

Dave101t wrote: »

to find out who the father was you will need to get the names of all the kids who were in 'attendance'.

Your implication is disgusting and adds nothing to the discussion. Pure vitriol.

I hope you're willing to take that back - especially if it turns out she has been abused or raped by an adult.

KiKi

mumps

Frugalista wrote: »

Whilst I may not agree with the majority of vax's comments, I would point out that it is not your place to chase him/her off the thread and if he is getting on your nerves you could also leave.

This is an open forum - anyone can post.

ETA - there have been numerous posts on "I was 15, had the baby and we all lived happily ever after" - what about those who had terminations and never regretted it? It's seems like most posters on here have decided that keeping the child is the best thing - what if it's not?

No one is stopping anyone from saying they had an abortion and never regretted it. Some people who were 15 year old moms, or like me a little older, are offering support to the OP to let her know it needn't be the end of the world. If anyone who was pregnant and decided on abortion or adoption and wanted to share their feelings on that then I am sure the OP would be interested to hear. I think there was a post from someone who had an abortion and had suffered from a post traumatic disorder, to be fair I know people who have had abortions and did not regret it but I also know people who never got over it. The 15 year old has a big decision to make, people might have a view on it but it is her decision.