Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

newleaf

I'd say the next most important thing is to visit the GP and get some idea of how far advanced the pregnancy is. Maybe your daughter will be able to discuss the identity of the father with someone who is removed from the immediate situation (ie a counsellor). She probably is very anxious about your reaction if/when you find out who he is.
Please try and ignore the reactionary element on this thread. You know your girl, and how best to communicate with her.

LEJC

I have no advice only admiration for the way in which you seem to be dealing with the situation you find yourself in...and the positive and articulate way that you are writing about it all.

I really wish you both luck with whatever decisions you both make ... the outcomes either way for both of you will shape your lives for years to come...

poppyfield19

Vax... my daughter is, as I said, very grounded. She works hard and her spare time is spent playing with her sisters to keep them happy, or in her room drawing or listening to music. I can't believe you think I should call social services..... I've found out she's pregnant, it's a shock, and I will do what I can to help her. I don't know the full situation yet - neither do you, so please don't judge her, you don't know her and if she was raped (which is really hard for me to type, she's my little girl, even if she is 15) then that would be really horrendous to find out. It has crossed my mind and I hope to god that isn't the case, but please, don't judge her. She's a smart girl and she has my full support no matter what she decides is right for her and the baby.

poppyfield19

Thanks to all of the sensible replies. I've spoken to her again and she's going to watch a film and go to bed early, and we'll go to the doctors together tomorrow.

mummyplus3

Just skipped from page 14, but just wanted to mention. Make sure she doesnt have xrays at the dentist tomorrow and she will need to tell them she is pregnant as there is certians thinks they cant do in pregnant women.

Also, I may get flamed for this but I don't think it is fair that she makes any set decision without informing the Father it's his life that is about to change too and it is incredably selfish that you are even thinking of making such a massive decision without the fathers input.

It is not fair on the poor lad to either be forced into being a parent without any input or made out as a deadbeat because his "girlfriend" went behind his back about it.

I understand that your daughter is confused but she doesnt get to be a child anymore and she has to handle this like an adult.

Errata

Poppy - Vax is mostly posting fantastical groundless nonsense as their belief about what social services do in situations like this fully demonstrates
I would urge you to find out who the father as, your daughter should trust you with this knowledge. Right now she has to act like an adult responsible for two lives, not keep secrets from her mum like a 12 year old. I realise that might sound a bit harsh, but both of you need to know what you're facing in order to deal with it in the best way possible.

savingmummy

I see no congratulation posts here just support for the OP!
Reason why there is talk of `being proud` is the OP`s DD came forward and told her mum about the pregnancy, SO many young people and adults hide pregnancies, abandon babies, go to backstreet abortion clinics risking their lives and various other things to avoid being brave and getting help safely!
THAT is a reason to be proud do you realise how scared a teen would be feeling right now?!

If the OP had reacted differently ie, ranting and raving calling police etc this young girl could of become a runaway and therefore unsafe.
This sort of situation has to be handled with care yes it is a bad situation and not ideal BUT being all hot headed and putting your foot down like you suggest isnt going to make this all go away it makes matters worse!!

poppyfield19

Thanks savingmummy - that's exactly how it is really. I am very proud of her for coming to me. She said that she was thinking of how she could hide the pregnancy, because she was scared. So yes, I am proud that she managed to tell me about it rather than not.

Welshdebtor

mummyplus3 wrote: »

Just skipped from page 14, but just wanted to mention. Make sure she doesnt have xrays at the dentist tomorrow and she will need to tell them she is pregnant as there is certians thinks they cant do in pregnant women.

Also, I may get flamed for this but I don't think it is fair that she makes any set decision without informing the Father it's his life that is about to change too and it is incredably selfish that you are even thinking of making such a massive decision without the fathers input.

It is not fair on the poor lad to either be forced into being a parent without any input or made out as a deadbeat because his "girlfriend" went behind his back about it.

I understand that your daughter is confused but she doesnt get to be a child anymore and she has to handle this like an adult.

I have been thinking along the same lines despite my previous posts. How would I feel if I found out in a few months that my gf/ex gf had terminated my baby. I think I personally would be saddened not to have been told that I could of ended up a father. So as well as still standing by my earlier posts on her making her mind up first, I also think mummyplus's point carries some weight.

Could she not think it through without him knowing and then contact him with her decision?Such as if she decides to terminate,informing him before doing so, so that he can express his views?

make_me_wise

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thanks savingmummy - that's exactly how it is really. I am very proud of her for coming to me. She said that she was thinking of how she could hide the pregnancy, because she was scared. So yes, I am proud that she managed to tell me about it rather than not.

Poppyfield19 you should be very proud of yourself and the way you have raised your child because she felt able to come to you and tell you she was pregnant.

There are a huge number of teenagers who are unable to do that because they know the reaction they will get from their parents; disgust, anger, huge dissapointment and condemnation.

Many of them just abort the baby rather than face all that, sometimes putting themselves at huge risk by not approaching the right people to get the procedure done.

There is not a person alive who has not made a mistake in their life. How we handle these situations when they are thrown at us strengthens our relationships if handled right. Your daughter will always remember how you dealt with this and supported her.

I hope there is someone able to give you some much needed support right now. Thinking of you.