Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Welshdebtor

vax2002 wrote: »

As I said earlier, as far as the law stands, the child has been raped, thats the law of this land, like it or lump it.
I would sit the child down and establish some authority over the situation, the first thing is, who is in charge, I think it is called been a "parent".
I would establish the age of the other party, you know the "angry one" she is scared of, for all we know we could be talking about a 40 year old man here that has abused a child, and also establish how long this has been going on for.
Things would get done right, all i.s dotted and all T's crossed again which is your responsibility as a parent.
this is no time for namby pamby cotton wool dont get her cross time, this is time to stamp your foot down and gain some control over the child, if you are in capable of doing so, it is time to call in social services and have the child placed with foster parents who are capable of establishing and adult and child relationship.
One things is for certain, what has been going on needs to be established very quickly and given that information a stop may need to be made to it and if that involves the police prosecuting some pervert for rape, then so be it.
Just look where not wanting to upset her or cause strops has landed.
Yes it is a mess, yes you can sort it out, but not without putting your foot firmly down.

Vax I usually praise your posts on this forum, but that ^^^^^^ shows a total lack of research/knowledge of the Law.

make_me_wise

vax2002 wrote: »

As I said earlier, as far as the law stands, the child has been raped, thats the law of this land, like it or lump it.
I would sit the child down and establish some authority over the situation, the first thing is, who is in charge, I think it is called been a "parent".
I would establish the age of the other party, you know the "angry one" she is scared of, for all we know we could be talking about a 40 year old man here that has abused a child, and also establish how long this has been going on for.
Things would get done right, all i.s dotted and all T's crossed again which is your responsibility as a parent.
this is no time for namby pamby cotton wool dont get her cross time, this is time to stamp your foot down and gain some control over the child, if you are in capable of doing so, it is time to call in social services and have the child placed with foster parents who are capable of establishing and adult and child relationship.
One things is for certain, what has been going on needs to be established very quickly and given that information a stop may need to be made to it and if that involves the police prosecuting some pervert for rape, then so be it.
Just look where not wanting to upset her or cause strops has landed.
Yes it is a mess, yes you can sort it out, but not without putting your foot firmly down.

Being a good parent doesn't involve establishing authority and deciding who is in charge. If you are a good parent and have a normal healthy relationship with your child you dont need to use such heavy handed behaviour. No-one will respond well to being bullied like that.

Good grief read your post back and see how you come across. If my mum had stamped her foot down and tried to gain control of me I would have laughed at her and walked away. No-one verbally abuses me like that.

I have a fantastic relationship with both my parents and they never lowered themselves to resort to the type of parental tactics you are recommending above.

vax2002

Welshdebtor wrote: »

Vax I usually praise your posts on this forum, but that ^^^^^^ shows a total lack of research/knowledge of the Law.

Where ?
The Child is Under 16, she can not give consent, it is rape.

shellsuit

vax2002 wrote: »

Where ?
The Child is Under 16, she can not give consent, it is rape.

And if the person she had sex with is also under the age of 16, what is it then???

You've been asked that more than once and have failed to answer, so I can only assume you're just stirring a sh!tty stick on this tread for the fun of it.



And as for the OP putting her foot down and gaining control over her daughter ~ that's a sure fire way of totally destroying the relationship between them both and quite frankly, the worst piece of advice on this thread, just a tad above the 'ring the police now' advice given.

If the OP did do what you are suggesting, believe me, her daughter would hate her for a long long time, if not forever.

no-oneknowsme

Poppyfields although I have never been in this situation I can fully understand how you must be feeling at this min in time. This must be so hard for you .


I have to say that I think you are dealing with this wonderfully.

At this min in time it probably seems like the end of your (and your Daughters) life as you know it but its not the worst thing that could happen. You sound like a really good support for your Daughter and together you will get through this.

A friend of mine had a child in her last year of school , the baby was born just 2 weeks short of her 16th birthday and that baby is now a beautiful , happy well mannered 20 year old who is a credit to her parents.

With help from family it can all work out x

Ps Does you Daughter have any idea of the date of her last period? I didnt see any posts were you had mentioned how far along the pregnancy is.

Welshdebtor

vax2002 wrote: »

Where ?
The Child is Under 16, she can not give consent, it is rape.

13-16 year olds can give consent, however anyone under 13 is deemed to be too young to give consent, so this is rape regardless if that person under 13 agreed. As the OP's daughter is 15 if she gave consent then it is not rape (so stop using that word).

It does not matter if the dad is 14,17,23, or even 57 it is not rape if she consented. However if he is alot older than her a serious offence has been committed but this is still not rape.

Oldernotwiser

taxi36 wrote: »

Why is that then? Do you think every-one looks down their noses at teenage mums?

We are posting on the thread to try to offer support to the OP . Support which I found invaluable a few weeks ago when I needed it!

I don't expect anyone to look down their noses at anybody but there seems to be an awful lot of near congratulation going on here which doesn't seem to me to be warranted.

I'm sure we all wish the OP and her daughter all the best for the difficult time ahead but all this talk of being proud and almost pleased seems to me to be inappropriate.

rumdiddlyum

vax2002 wrote: »

I think somebody needs to decide who is the Parent and who is the child.
She may get angry about, this, she may do that ?
I have raised 3 children, never had to smack any, but one thing has always been established very firmly especially through teenage years and that is I am the parent and YOU are the Child, what I say goes.
This sounds to me like a complete failure of that relationship.

no your kids probably did get pregnant or get someone pregnant but just had a termination straight away cause they knew what a horrible person you are:eek: and they couldnt come to you
but the OP is fine cause she has a great relationship with her daughter:T

you sound like a control freak to me cant you remember what it was like when you were younger and all those hormones or are you ugly :rotfl:

vax2002

make_me_wise wrote: »

Being a good parent doesn't involve establishing authority and deciding who is in charge.

Yes it does, everything else becomes easy from that point.
Your children dont go around terrorising the neighbourhood in hoodies, robbing and stealing, smashing the village up, daubing graffiti and getting pregnant at 15.

As I can see a lot of the things above are quite normal behaviour for many "parents" on here, in fact I doubt a lot of you even know where your kids are.

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I don't expect anyone to look down their noses at anybody but there seems to be an awful lot of near congratulation going on here which doesn't seem to me to be warranted.

I'm sure we all wish the OP and her daughter all the best for the difficult time ahead but all this talk of being proud and almost pleased seems to me to be inappropriate.

I must have missed where the OP said she was proud or pleased.

However, if the daughter decides to keep the baby, then it would be wise to try to come round to feeling pleased and excited by the time the baby is born.