Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Person_one

vax2002 wrote: »

I think somebody needs to decide who is the Parent and who is the child.
She may get angry about, this, she may do that ?
I have raised 3 children, never had to smack any, but one thing has always been established very firmly especially through teenage years and that is I am the parent and YOU are the Child, what I say goes.
This sounds to me like a complete failure of that relationship.

A 15 year old isn't a small child anymore.

I believe an important part of the parent/child relationship is allowing it to develop into one between adults as equals.

Not that the 15 year old is an adult of course, but she's going through something where she'll have to be very mature, treating her like a daft kid who needs to be told what to do won't work.

viktory

mum2one wrote: »

When I was at school (admittadly a long time ago) a single parent was almost unheard of, and I remember there was about 5 girls in my year that had children or were pregnant during the last 2 yrs, of school, whereas now in my daughters school its almost the exception to the rule if a child has 2 parents!!

And that is so, so sad. Have to say, I am a great believer that all children deserve to be born into loving, stable, financially settled two parent families. Now, I know that this ideal is not always possible, but it is bloody sad when it becomes the exception rather than the rule.

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

A reality check more like.

To be honest, I've been quite shocked by many of the replies on here.

I'm sure the OP is very well aware of the reality of the situation, the pregnancy is probably reality check enough! Criticising past actions doesn't help anybody.

I do think she needs to maybe be a bit more aware of how keeping the baby WILL change her daughter's life and affect her future, there's no reason why she needs to spend her life on benefits but she wouldn't be able to carry on as before and have the same life she would have had.

Person_one

viktory wrote: »

And that is so, so sad. Have to say, I am a great believer that all children deserve to be born into loving, stable, financially settled two parent families. Now, I know that this ideal is not always possible, but it is bloody sad when it becomes the exception rather than the rule.

I don't think it is the exception, I know far far more couples who are together raising children than who have separated.

Oldernotwiser

Person_one wrote: »

I'm sure the OP is very well aware of the reality of the situation, the pregnancy is probably reality check enough! Criticising past actions doesn't help anybody.

No, but learning from them does, particularly with two younger daughters in the house.

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

No, but learning from them does, particularly with two younger daughters in the house.

I'm not sure how your "I should hope she knows" post helped with that...

viktory

Person_one wrote: »

I know far far more couples who are together raising children than who have separated.

That's as maybe, but both myself and another poster (quoted earlier) have noted that there are a considerable number of one parent families - far higher numbers than in previous years. I suppose it would depend to some extent where you live and work.

ViolaLass

MoneySavingMamma wrote: »

My one worry is the 'father' even if she doesn't want to tell you who he is, try and get the age out of him. The fact that he may be 'angry' worries me about the kind of person he is. Get the age out the way, if he's 15/16 then you know it's a bad situation she/they got in, but lots of 15yr olds get in these situations. If he's older then investigate further, coax it out of her. Pressure from a 18/19 yr old is wrong, but a 20+ year old is just despicable and needs looking into. Lads of 18-20+ must be brought up to understand there is only so much age gap which is acceptable, and don't touch <16s!

You're assuming that the father knew how old the OP's daughter is. It's quite possible that age was never mentioned or even lied about - please note, I'm not saying this DID happen but that it could have. I know that were I 15 and I fancied an 18 year old, I would be in no hurry to share my age with him.

Person_one

viktory wrote: »

That's as maybe, but both myself and another poster (quoted earlier) have noted that there are a considerable number of one parent families - far higher numbers than in previous years. I suppose it would depend to some extent where you live and work.

Oh there are clearly more than before, but I think that's more an indicator that people don't feel quite so trapped in unhappy marriages or relationships anymore, and that women/girls who find themselves pregnant accidentally aren't under the same pressures to give the babies up as they were. I'd say those were good things!

gizmo111

vax2002 wrote: »

I think somebody needs to decide who is the Parent and who is the child.
She may get angry about, this, she may do that ?
I have raised 3 children, never had to smack any, but one thing has always been established very firmly especially through teenage years and that is I am the parent and YOU are the Child, what I say goes.
This sounds to me like a complete failure of that relationship.

I think you should keep your opinions to yourself and read what has been written - I see nothing about she may get angry, just that the child is concerned that the father may get angry.

You sound like a joy to live with, controlling and emotionally abusive exactly the reason myself and many others choose to bring their childrn up alone.