Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

poppyfield19

She's definitely not 'sleeping around'.....

Thank you for all of your nice and supportive comments I'm trying to handle it the best I can but I'm still not totally sure how to as obviously, I've never been here before!

Making her favourite dinner tonight and we'll talk about it more then but she hasn't said much about it since this morning. She's quite withdrawn and quiet, understandable I suppose. I don't really want to talk to the friends parents as she has begged me to not tell anyone until she decides what she wants to do with the baby.

She's been asking some difficult questions, some of which I've found hard to answer. I really do appreciate the continued responses - really, really helps. x

taxi36

Poppy Hello to you and let me introduce myself. Not so very long ago I found myself in the same situation you are in now. I felt every emotion you are feeling now and I can guarentee that you have felt everything from anger , disbelief , fear , uncertainty , shame (yes , at some point we all think "what will so + so make of this....").

Take it from me these feelings do not last long. I see that some-one has already linked you to a thread I made not so long ago when my own Daughter told us that she was pregnant. I hope you read it and were able to take something from it. I had the most incredible "friends" on here who helped me more than they will ever know.

I understand that you must be feeling a bit more anxious than even I was as my Daughter is 17 whereas your own is just 15 but even at 17 you still feel that fear when you first find out they are pregnant.

You will feel shocked and you will wonder "what the hell am I going to do" you will even feel anger although in a day or two you will realise that the anger is at the situation you find yourself in not at your Daughter.

My Daughter is now around 13/14 weeks pregnant , we have been for the first scan etc and to be totally honest with you I am happy that I'm going to be a Grandad.Its hard to imagine a time when we didnt talk about "the baby"!

My Daughter will be a single parent as the father of the baby left her shortly after she told him she was pregnant (after a 2.5 year relationship!) but with the help and support of her family I know that the baby will never be short of love and affection.

Poppy , the best advice I can give you right now is just to be there and listen to your Daughter , wipe away the tears for her when it all gets too over whelming for her (which it will do) and just keep on telling her that you love her and that you will always support her but that the end decision has to be her own she has to realise that if she decides on a termination you will still love her and that if she decides to continue with the pregnancy you will love her just as much.

At the end of the day this young girl is bound to be terrified right now , I know my own Daughter was , its only to be expected and to her right now all she wants is the security and safety of her Mums arms around her telling her that everyhting will work out ok....

This situation can have a happy ending . We are living proof of that . My Daughter and I have always had an incredible bond since the day she was born and the news that she is to be a parent her self has strengthened that bond so much.

If you need to talk please feel free to get in touch via the thread or via pm. I am always happy to return some of the invaluable help I received from the kind people on the site.

poppyfield19

Regarding the father (not sure why but it feels weird using the word father, I have no idea who it is, it just feels wrong?!)...

I think it's only right that she has time to make up her mind totally by herself what she wants to do and feels is right and that her decision isn't swayed at all. However, if she decides to keep the baby, does the father have a right to know? Should I push her to tell me who the father is? Is it wrong that I feel that I should know who he is? I don't think so but my head is all over the place and I don't want to ask her too much and make her feel pressured into telling me things she isn't ready to...

Thanks...

poppyfield19

Hi taxi36 - thank you so very much for your post, really lovely to read.

I did read through your thread this morning and it was good to hear someone in the same situation, it was really helpful.

Thanks for taking the time to post here - I'm glad things are going so well for your daughter, congratulations to you all

Person_one

poppyfield19 wrote: »

She's definitely not 'sleeping around'.....

Thank you for all of your nice and supportive comments I'm trying to handle it the best I can but I'm still not totally sure how to as obviously, I've never been here before!

Making her favourite dinner tonight and we'll talk about it more then but she hasn't said much about it since this morning. She's quite withdrawn and quiet, understandable I suppose. I don't really want to talk to the friends parents as she has begged me to not tell anyone until she decides what she wants to do with the baby.

She's been asking some difficult questions, some of which I've found hard to answer. I really do appreciate the continued responses - really, really helps. x

If she's known for around a month then she really needs to get to a doctor sooner rather than later, she could be quite far along in her pregnancy and she needs to know where she's up to in order to know all her options.

Is she at school tomorrow? Does your GP have a drop in? I understand that you don't want to be pushy, but I think you should suggest making an appointment for some point in the next few days.

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

What was the point of the OP's daughter making that comment?

Just because she's pregnant doesn't make it unimportant whether she's been sleeping around or not, either now or in the future.

If you wanted to express concern about the OP's daughter's wellbeing in relation to her sexual activity, there were better ways of putting it!

poppyfield19

She has a dentist appointment tomorrow morning anyway so I think I'll just keep her home tomorrow, and she can go to the doctor then.

I have already suggested seeing our GP asap and she has agreed, she hasn't went herself yet and doesn't really know what to expect but knows she has to go and get checked.

Welshdebtor

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Regarding the father (not sure why but it feels weird using the word father, I have no idea who it is, it just feels wrong?!)...

I think it's only right that she has time to make up her mind totally by herself what she wants to do and feels is right and that her decision isn't swayed at all. However, if she decides to keep the baby, does the father have a right to know? Should I push her to tell me who the father is? Is it wrong that I feel that I should know who he is? I don't think so but my head is all over the place and I don't want to ask her too much and make her feel pressured into telling me things she isn't ready to...

Thanks...

I would let her make her mind up first without his input if she is worried he will get angry as it may sway her decision. If she decides to through ahead with the pregnancy then I think it is only right the father is told, it is then his choice whether he is actively involved or not. Obviously some men do not deserve the right to being a father, but I would say all fathers should at least be given that 1 chance to proof themselves, not to mention be made aware.

Imagine he is not told, and in 9 months time, she is walking down the street pushing a pram and he passes, he is going to start putting 2 and 2 together (maybe). Or what if he is never told and in 18 or so years when her son/daughter goes looking for the dad who never knew he had a child.

Like I said earlier the decision about telling the father can wait until she has made her mind up about the future.

poppyfield19

Thank you

Person_one

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Regarding the father (not sure why but it feels weird using the word father, I have no idea who it is, it just feels wrong?!)...

I think it's only right that she has time to make up her mind totally by herself what she wants to do and feels is right and that her decision isn't swayed at all. However, if she decides to keep the baby, does the father have a right to know? Should I push her to tell me who the father is? Is it wrong that I feel that I should know who he is? I don't think so but my head is all over the place and I don't want to ask her too much and make her feel pressured into telling me things she isn't ready to...

Thanks...

I agree with welshdebtor. Your daughter should make the decision for herself without the father being a consideration, but if she does keep the baby then his identity needs to be known!

If nothing else, your daughter should know his medical history, and her baby will have a right to know where he/she comes from.