Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

jackieb

If you aks her what she wants make sure she's just not saying what you want to hear. When my parents found out I was pregnant (it was far too late for an abortion) I insisted I didn't want the baby, and i'd give it up for adoption. This wasn't what I really wanted at all, but what I thought in my mind would make it better. My mum said that she and my dad had talked about what they'd do if ever one of us (me or my sister) got into that situation, and they said they'd never give one of their own away. She said we'd be okay. I'm so glad she said that. If she had agreed with me about adoption I would've went through with it, only to appease them. It wasn't what I wanted at all.

princessdreamer

If she decides to keep the baby her life can still be brilliant with the right support. I had my first child young and went on to do everything and more than people my age without children did. Am a single parent now after a long marriage and still loving life.
These boards are great for getting info, plus there is much more support around for younger parents than there was years ago.

SpendlessKaren

I think you are doing great You are showing her support and not judging, she is lucky to have such a great mum

Welshdebtor

Obviously her choice about telling the father, but if i had fathered a baby I would like to know. The baby if kept, has a right to have it's father in it's life (if indeed that father wishes, or deserves to).

Saying that I would let her get her head straight about the future first. Telling him now if he "gets angry" as she thinks, could push her into a decision she may regret in the future.

So, if she decides to terminate I guess he there is less of a case for him needing to know, but if she goes ahead with the pregnancy then I think he has a right to know he is a dad. If he choices not to play his part in the babies life, then that is his choice and indeed loss.

With or without his support, it sounds like your daughter will have the support of everyone close to her.

gizmo111

I've sent you a PM but just wanted to share this, a family member got pregnant at 15 and went to have a further 4 kids, she is now 32 and has been a brilliant mum although it has been hard financially & emotionally she is still with the same bloke and has just completed her first year at Uni to become a nurse - the future is not all doom and gloom for your daughter, just careful choices need to be made now and decisions that will affect her forever have to be made- which is the difficult part for a child.
Don't worry about the father at the moment - that will come in time, 15 yr olds have an odd way of communicating ( I have one at home) but she has your trust and support and will open up in time.
Take Care

KiKi

Hi OP

Sounds like you're handling this all really well.

I debated about whether or not to post this, but I might as well, as I'm sure you're wondering anyway, and this is all kindly meant, not intended to upset in any way whatsoever. Her response about the father might just be innocent and her trying to protect herself, or feeling very vulnerable right now.

But it's always a possibility that 'he'll be angry' because - perhaps - he's actually an adult, and much older than her, and she fears being in trouble - or getting him into trouble. The fact that she didn't say you *don't* know him, might also imply this. Hopefully this isn't the case at all, hopefully he's just another kid from school and she doesn't want him to know. But I think for your daughter's sake, because she's only 15, you have to get to the bottom of it.

If he *is* an adult (and I appreciate it's a big 'if'), and someone known to you, and if she continues to refuse to say anything, you may need to outwardly reassure her that she can tell you if it was an adult, and that there will be no repercussions for her. It's possible she may need to feel safe in order to tell you.

Obviously I hope that's not the case, and I hope regardless that it was all consensual and just a teenage mistake. But I think you're going to have to ask the questions and openly reassure her that she won't be punished, regardless of what anyone or any of her friends may have said to her.

Sorry to say all that, but it's just one of those 'just in case' scenarios that you may have to cover off!

KiKi

rumdiddlyum

some people i cant believe that you have put that this lady and her daughter are having a very difficult time and you are saying things like that you should be ashamed of yourself like she hasnt got enough things going on in her head you nasty nasty peice of work:mad:

vax2002

gizmo111 wrote: »

And how do you know this?:mad:
The OP needs support and time to get her around her daughter being pregant at an early age without seeing this rubbish.

It is THE LAW
Sorry but it is.

vax2002

rumdiddlyum wrote: »

some people i cant believe that you have put that this lady and her daughter are having a very difficult time and you are saying things like that you should be ashamed of yourself like she hasnt got enough things going on in her head you nasty nasty peice of work:mad:

No the nasty nasty piece of work is who has ever raped this woman's child and those who think that this is an acceptable situation that can be namby pamby sorted out.

polejunkie

vax2002 wrote: »

No the nasty nasty piece of work is who has ever raped this woman's child and those who think that this is an acceptable situation that can be namby pamby sorted out.

Its not always that black and white. She was underage but that does not mean she was forced to have sex against her will.

I think you need to get a dictionary and understand the differences between, rape, statutory rape and underage sex.

Having sex underage does not always mean that statutory rape has taken place.