Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

polejunkie · 18 June 2011 at 11:22PM

Your welcome, at the end of the day this is going to end in 3 scenarios.

1, your daughter keeps the baby and depending on how far she is she needs to go to a midwife asap to start her maternity care. Scans to confirm how many babies she is carrying and to get a EDD. Her GCSE's are crucial to her getting anywhere in life, she might not want to hear it but if the EDD falls around that time it may be a decision she could end up regretting if your local college does not have the facilities for childcare or offer an alternative to school exams, i urge you to get in touch with her school and local college very soon.

Life as she knows it will be very very different, as a teenager I couldn't even keep my hamster alive so I dread to think what was going through my mothers head, she may excel at being a mum but its tiring and extremely hard work even with support from every angle.

She will have to take 4-6 weeks off MINIMUM she doesn't have the luxury of maternity leave given her age and her stage of education, immediately after the birth you might have to take 2 or 3 weeks off too.

2, she decided to abort, again she will need time off school, you might want to take a few days off also.

3, she may miscarry. Not the nicest of thought but its a reality.

Good luck and reassure your daughter every step of the way that its her decision and you will support her but this will affect your whole family in ways she might not have realised.

mum2one · 18 June 2011 at 11:23PM

LittleMissMPB wrote: »

I can't really offer much more support than already has been, so just wishing you and your daughter the best of luck.

I was older when I fell pregnant - I was 19. I was scared, and did something very similar to your daughter. I took a couple of tests that were positive, told the father, then went to the dr's and had it confirmed, later that same day I told my mum. I had arranged to stay out that night - still lived at home and it was more of a 'casual' relationship. I decided to keep the baby. The conversation with my mum went something like this:

"Mum, I'm pregnant"
"umm.. ok... *silence for a few mins* ... does **** (father) know?"
"yes"
"do you know what you want to do?"
"we've decided to keep it"
"ok, I need a drink"
followed by the "I'm too young to be a grandma" conversations (she was 42)

it was actually my grandparents who were worse... the first thing my gran said when I told her was "oh no... " and a lot of disappointment. However, guess who now spoils and dotes on my children the most? That same gran who wished I wasn't pregnant. I realise this bit isn't relevant to you, but the 'little' comments can say the most, when I heard that "oh no" I had that feeling in my gut of just wanting to cry and feeling like I'd let everyone down.

Your gran just reminds me of my dad.... unfortunatelty I was 30 at the time!! - due to family cirumstances, i lived at home, thou at the time I had a good job, have my life planned, I was due to have holiday of a live time, move 200 miles away, had a decent job lined up, - I found at at 5 weeks gone I was expecting, my work colleagues knew before my family, (not that I wanted them to know, but head down the loo. gives it away a bit!!) I was in an unstable relationship, my GP had suggested an abortion, but in my mind as i'd miscarried more than once before that why should this time be any different. My family were told by my next dr neighbour, as his daughter worked for same company - my mother blew a fuse, I felt like I was 12, my father disowned me, my partner, went off on one, even thou he wanted kids, but it was an unstable relationship, my father said to my mum its me or her, - I ended up then trying to make the best of a bad relationship, (not the best idea), but they came round, my partner and I split, unfortunately very messy, - once parents saw the 1st scan, they melted, and when my daughter was born, she became the apple of her grandads eye.
Shes 8 now, and she has my dad wrapped around her little finger, the bond they have got is unbelievable, shes got my mum where she wants her, shes loved to bits, yep I'm a single mum, but I wouldn't swap her for the world, my life has changed completely, but the joy she brings makes all the upset worthwhile.

Op - You sound one in a million and the fact that your daughter has confided in you, speaks volumes, yes theres going to be a lot of soul searching, and questions, answers, even rants and raves, but things will work out for the best. x

Welshdebtor · 18 June 2011 at 11:28PM

Reminder to everyone - Do not feed the Trolls (or rather "the troll who keeps coming back after making new accounts.)

Or as the Forum Team put it..............

Don't feed the trolls : Sadly the web has a habit of throwing up a very small but vocal number of trolls, people who are nasty or contrary just to get a rise out of you. If someone’s doing this, simply don’t reply, just report it to [EMAIL="forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com"]forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL]. If you get involved and fling mud back, you risk being barred from using the forum too.

mum2one · 18 June 2011 at 11:32PM

The Op has had a shock, she has opened her heart and life to us, and yet there are "trolls" that are that sick or stupid that will so anything to can to upset people. Go and get a life, when you have something constructive to say, then say it, until then go away.

skintbint_2 · 18 June 2011 at 11:51PM

have been popping back and forward all night and can only say your daughter is a very lucky girl to have a mum such as you. i remember years ago (i'm in my early 40's now) and there was a group of us - one of the girls was pregnant, 16yro, and wouldn't tell her mum at 5 months, she still hadn't seen a doctor, was squeezing herself into her size 10 jeans and no amount of discussion etc would make her tell her mum. One of the other girls actually ended up phoning her mum because we were so concerned about her well being and that of the babies, not saying who she was but that her daughter was pregnant obviously not the best way to find out and the sh*t hit the fan but at least she got the support in the end both emotionally and physically, i also have a friend the same age as me who was brought up by her grandparents as her mum didnt let on she was pregnant and it wasnt until she went into labour and after ruling out burst appendix did they find out she was about to be born both mums are extremely successful now, but feel proud that your daughter can tell you now and she doesnt have to go through this alone - us mums, we've all been there and no matter what age, upbringing, background etc we've had we've all lain awake at night worrying rubbing out tummies, sitting just about wetting ourselves waiting on a scan cos we cant go to the loo!, and all the rest! but no matter what path she takes hold you head up high - she is able to tell you, dont worry about the nitty gritty that will come when she's ready,

and forget about the trolls - they "want to abort season tickets for football as well" according to their other posts "

polejunkie · 18 June 2011 at 11:51PM

As far as disruption like another poster pointed out I am purely assuming that the young lady is about to start her last year of secondary school in september, if she has recently found out then the baby may be due Jan/Feb. not the most ideal time to be taking time off but all sense of reason and rationalbility (if there ever is a word) tends to fly out the window for many pregnant ladies regardless of age and stage in life.

If she does decide to continue and I am right in my assumptions then the OP will HAVE TO jump in at the deep end and be left holding the baby, the young lady wont be able to return to school immediately but will have to keep up with school work another way pretty much as soon as she can walk again.

Its not impossible though.

Supernatural · 19 June 2011 at 1:43AM

Hope all works out ok for you and your daughter OP, sending good vibes to you both

Bloomin_Freezing2 · 19 June 2011 at 1:55AM

OP, the fact your daughter felt that she could tell you this speaks volumes. Some poor girls go for months without saying anything. I hope you both manage to get some sleep so you can talk things through tomorrow.

Assure her you will stand by her (I'm sure she knows this anyway), this does not have to be the end of the world for either of you.

Good luck with everything. x