Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

mum2one

jackieb wrote: »

Sounds like you handled it just right. Well done.

Just catching up with the thread, but ditto to what Jackie has said, you have handled it with the upmost dignity, and put your daughter 1st xx

mum2one

Welshdebtor wrote: »

Obviously her choice about telling the father, but if i had fathered a baby I would like to know. The baby if kept, has a right to have it's father in it's life (if indeed that father wishes, or deserves to).

Saying that I would let her get her head straight about the future first. Telling him now if he "gets angry" as she thinks, could push her into a decision she may regret in the future.

So, if she decides to terminate I guess he there is less of a case for him needing to know, but if she goes ahead with the pregnancy then I think he has a right to know he is a dad. If he choices not to play his part in the babies life, then that is his choice and indeed loss.

With or without his support, it sounds like your daughter will have the support of everyone close to her.

I can see where your coming from, but unfortunately some fathers aren't worth the air that they breath, I walked out on my DD dad when I was 7 mths gone, out of a violent and abusive relationship, he's known for 8 yrs hes a dad, and only now he has got another child does he want to know his daughter.

If he's liable to get angry now, then the daughter obviously knows what he is like, so I would say leave him out of the equation until the OP knows the full story.

mum2one

vax2002 wrote: »

Your daughter has been RAPED.
You have a duty to report the crime to the police.

Hold on thats not been said, you don't know the facts so wouldn't it be better to keep this opinion to yourself.

Oldernotwiser

poppyfield19 wrote: »

When I asked her about the father she said she knows who it is

One would certainly hope that she does!

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

One would certainly hope that she does!

What was the point of that comment?

Whatever has happened has happened, stable door, horse and so on. There's no point getting judgey now.

Miss_Scrooge_2

vax2002 wrote: »

Your daughter has been RAPED.
You have a duty to report the crime to the police.

If only it was this simple..

Except it's not, and throwing around accusations as serious as this can be very very dangerous...

Person_one

jackieb wrote: »

If you aks her what she wants make sure she's just not saying what you want to hear. When my parents found out I was pregnant (it was far too late for an abortion) I insisted I didn't want the baby, and i'd give it up for adoption. This wasn't what I really wanted at all, but what I thought in my mind would make it better. My mum said that she and my dad had talked about what they'd do if ever one of us (me or my sister) got into that situation, and they said they'd never give one of their own away. She said we'd be okay. I'm so glad she said that. If she had agreed with me about adoption I would've went through with it, only to appease them. It wasn't what I wanted at all.

Its great that this approach worked for you, but I'd advise the OP against it. It seems like just another way of putting pressure on the daughter.

This girl's baby is only hers, it isn't the decision of the grandparents at all, the baby isn't 'their own'.

The approach needed here is supportive neutrality. One of "Whatever you decide, I'll love and support you in it, its completely your decision to make." Because there's no other option really.

kendalls_cave

Your daughter has been RAPED.

Actually your wrong if it was two consenting people, which it sounds like it was.

Oldernotwiser

Person_one wrote: »

What was the point of that comment?

What was the point of the OP's daughter making that comment?

Just because she's pregnant doesn't make it unimportant whether she's been sleeping around or not, either now or in the future.

jackieb

Person_one wrote: »

Its great that this approach worked for you, but I'd advise the OP against it. It seems like just another way of putting pressure on the daughter.

This girl's baby is only hers, it isn't the decision of the grandparents at all, the baby isn't 'their own'.

The approach needed here is supportive neutrality. One of "Whatever you decide, I'll love and support you in it, its completely your decision to make." Because there's no other option really.

I can see where you're coming from. But if my parents had told me that the decision was entirely up to me, and they hadn't said that, I would have probably put my son up for adoption, because I would've thought that was what they wanted to hear. And they knew that it wasn't their baby. When they said one of their own, they mean that with any of our family. I feel that many of my nephews are 'one of my own' but they don't belong to me and I don't bring them up - it's just a way of saying that it's our family.

Of course it's entirely up to her daughter what she wants to do, and I think the OP is being supportive anyway.