Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Welshdebtor

She may be worried that the father will not be around to support her, so maybe she should terminate the pregnancy as "she will be alone". You seem to be doing it anyway, but ensure she is aware that with or without his support she will always have yours.

Look into forums, charities, organisations etc that maybe she could visit that will offer her impartial advice. there is bound to be a forum for teenage mothers for example.

If it was not for the uncalled/poorly researched posts here, I would suggest this thread. I think she would learn alot from reading the posts of the members who have shared their stories. Obviously, I would not actually get her to read the thread, as she would get upset you have been sharing her tale with strangers, but I hope you get my point of how she could benefit from hearing stories from others.

MoneySavingMamma

OP, I think you've done really well & it's nice to know your daughter is being looked after by you.

There are alot of stupid, spiteful & needless posts on here that you need to ignore!

My one worry is the 'father' even if she doesn't want to tell you who he is, try and get the age out of him. The fact that he may be 'angry' worries me about the kind of person he is. Get the age out the way, if he's 15/16 then you know it's a bad situation she/they got in, but lots of 15yr olds get in these situations. If he's older then investigate further, coax it out of her. Pressure from a 18/19 yr old is wrong, but a 20+ year old is just despicable and needs looking into. Lads of 18-20+ must be brought up to understand there is only so much age gap which is acceptable, and don't touch <16s!

viktory

I think the biggest danger here, alluded to in a couple of posts, is the OP letting her own feelings impact, intentionally or otherwise, on her advice to her daughter. Being helpful and supportive is great, but she also needs to be practical, hard headed and honest. If the OP's daughter decides to go ahead with the pregnancy, there is no doubt that it will have a massive impact on the whole family - especially the young girl who is pregnant. Every option must be explored no matter how hard it is to discuss. What is right for the OP, or what the OP believes in, might not be right for her daughter. Too many *hugs* and not enough practicality for me.

Oldernotwiser

Person_one wrote: »

If you wanted to express concern about the OP's daughter's wellbeing in relation to her sexual activity, there were better ways of putting it!

There've been too many {{hugs}}} on this thread already, without my adding any more.

Oldernotwiser

viktory wrote: »

I think the biggest danger here, alluded to a couple of posts, is the OP letting her own feelings impact, intentionally or otherwise, on her advice to her daughter. Being helpful and supportive is great, but she also needs to be practical, hard headed and honest. If the OP's daughter decides to go ahead with the pregnancy, there is no doubt that it will have a massive impact on the whole family - especially the young girl who is pregnant. Every option must be explored no matter how hard it is to discuss. What is right for the OP, or what the OP believes in, might not be right for her daughter. Too many *hugs* and not enough practicality for me.

Snap!.....

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

There've been too many {{hugs}}} on this thread already, without my adding any more.

Too much kindness, needed a bit of acidity eh?

mum2one

For now get her in to the doctors, there refer her to a midwife, most authorities have midwifes that look after teenagers, and will go through everything with her, one of the questions they will ask is about the father, as more from a point of health related issues, but if for what ever reason she doesn't or can't reveal his name due to the circumstances, they won't push her on the issue.

If she does have the baby, and if she's still under 16, I think you would be the one claiming the tax credits, CB etc, the DHSS will ask re identity of the father, (for purposes of trying to claim CSA from him), but if the situation for example theres a risk to her or the child by him being in contact, then they will accept that and will not push the matter.

I appricate that is in the future, but just thought about it now.

As I've said before I'm a single parent, I've never kept it from my daughter that her dad is not around, or to the other extent of the coin, i have never told her the truth, when she was younger she was told, that mum and dad couldn't stay together.
When I was at school (admittadly a long time ago) a single parent was almost unheard of, and I remember there was about 5 girls in my year that had children or were pregnant during the last 2 yrs, of school, whereas now in my daughters school its almost the exception to the rule if a child has 2 parents!!

All you can do for now is support her, respect her wishes, even if you want to blurt out who is he, but from what I've read, your doing a brilliant job and the proof of the pudding is the fact that your daughter has confided in you.

I would say it does sound like she hasn't confided in her friends parents, and shes dealt with it all herself.

I'm sure a lot of the posters (the nice ones), won't mind me saying were all here to support you, and if theres anything you need, you can always pm anytime.

Take care, and remember your a mum in a milion. xx

Oldernotwiser

poppyfield19 wrote: »

She's definitely not 'sleeping around'.....

I'm sure that this isn't the case but, to be fair, you didn't even know she had a boyfriend.

vax2002

I think somebody needs to decide who is the Parent and who is the child.
She may get angry about, this, she may do that ?
I have raised 3 children, never had to smack any, but one thing has always been established very firmly especially through teenage years and that is I am the parent and YOU are the Child, what I say goes.
This sounds to me like a complete failure of that relationship.

Oldernotwiser

Person_one wrote: »

Too much kindness, needed a bit of acidity eh?

A reality check more like.

To be honest, I've been quite shocked by many of the replies on here.