Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Frugalista

gizmo111 wrote: »

I think you should keep your opinions to yourself.

I think you should take your own advice and read what is written at the top of the page -

This is an open forum - anyone can post.

Person_one

viktory wrote: »

This is somewhat off topic, which is unfair to the OP, but I would respectfully suggest that while there are bound to be people who are able to leave unhappy relationships, I do feel that there are a higher than average number of young women embarking on single parenthood - due, in part, to our very generous benefits system. Also, it has to be said, because there are many young girls with much looser morals and far less judgement when pregnancy is the inevitable result.

You're right, that is off topic so lets not get into it, its been done to death on DT anyway. Suffice it to say I don't share your views.

make_me_wise

vax2002 wrote: »

I have raised 3 children, never had to smack any, but one thing has always been established very firmly especially through teenage years and that is I am the parent and YOU are the Child, what I say goes.
This sounds to me like a complete failure of that relationship.

What a strange approach to parenthood you have. Sounds more like you were running some boot camp than a home with developing young adults.

Please god 'I am the parent and YOU are the child, what I say goes'. I'm interested to know how your kids have turned out. Are they happy young adults now, able to form their own opinions and approach situations confidantly. Or are they still tied to your apron strings worried about trying anything without your advice and approval.

I think you have a damm cheek telling the OP there is failure in her relationship with her child. If you were my parent and had raised me the way you describe above Id have left home as early as possible and had very little to do with you.

herewegoagain2010

Had a quick skim through the thread and didn't want to read and leave. It's must be a complete shock and as a mum of two girls I can't imagine it. I just wanted to say Poppyfield that no matter what, she's still your baby. Being pregnant at 15 is a shock, but my mum always used to say that there's worse things than babies. I'm sure you and your daughter will get through this and I hope you can support each other. x

vax2002

As I said earlier, as far as the law stands, the child has been raped, thats the law of this land, like it or lump it.
I would sit the child down and establish some authority over the situation, the first thing is, who is in charge, I think it is called been a "parent".
I would establish the age of the other party, you know the "angry one" she is scared of, for all we know we could be talking about a 40 year old man here that has abused a child, and also establish how long this has been going on for.
Things would get done right, all i.s dotted and all T's crossed again which is your responsibility as a parent.
this is no time for namby pamby cotton wool dont get her cross time, this is time to stamp your foot down and gain some control over the child, if you are in capable of doing so, it is time to call in social services and have the child placed with foster parents who are capable of establishing and adult and child relationship.
One things is for certain, what has been going on needs to be established very quickly and given that information a stop may need to be made to it and if that involves the police prosecuting some pervert for rape, then so be it.
Just look where not wanting to upset her or cause strops has landed.
Yes it is a mess, yes you can sort it out, but not without putting your foot firmly down.

marywooyeah

taxi 36 I'm really glad you came on here I was going to suggest the OP should contact you as I remember your thread well. Sorry to hear your daughter's relationship is over, but on a positive his family sounded horrible and were really presurring her, so glad she has you and your wife to support her!
OP I echo the comments that you are dealing with this really well. I hope your daughter decides what she wants to do, but would say that if she "decides" to terminate please let her know its ok to change her mind and its not too late even if you're already there, so she doesnt feel like she's making a decision one way or another for someone else (not you necessarily, but what the father would want etc), God knows I wish I had had the strength to walk out xxx

shellsuit

vax2002 wrote: »

As I said earlier, as far as the law stands, the child has been raped, thats the law of this land, like it or lump it.
I would sit the child down and establish some authority over the situation, the first thing is, who is in charge, I think it is called been a "parent".
I would establish the age of the other party, you know the "angry one" she is scared of, for all we know we could be talking about a 40 year old man here that has abused a child, and also establish how long this has been going on for.
Things would get done right, all i.s dotted and all T's crossed again which is your responsibility as a parent.
this is no time for namby pamby cotton wool dont get her cross time, this is time to stamp your foot down and gain some control over the child, if you are in capable of doing so, it is time to call in social services and have the child placed with foster parents who are capable of establishing and adult and child relationship.
One things is for certain, what has been going on needs to be established very quickly and given that information a stop may need to be made to it and if that involves the police prosecuting some pervert for rape, then so be it.
Just look where not wanting to upset her or cause strops has landed.
Yes it is a mess, yes you can sort it out, but not without putting your foot firmly down.

Please don't tell me you are actually being serious?!

wacko911

vax2002 wrote: »

As I said earlier, as far as the law stands, the child has been raped, thats the law of this land, like it or lump it.
I would sit the child down and establish some authority over the situation, the first thing is, who is in charge, I think it is called been a "parent".
I would establish the age of the other party, you know the "angry one" she is scared of, for all we know we could be talking about a 40 year old man here that has abused a child, and also establish how long this has been going on for.
Things would get done right, all i.s dotted and all T's crossed again which is your responsibility as a parent.
this is no time for namby pamby cotton wool dont get her cross time, this is time to stamp your foot down and gain some control over the child, if you are in capable of doing so, it is time to call in social services and have the child placed with foster parents who are capable of establishing and adult and child relationship.
One things is for certain, what has been going on needs to be established very quickly and given that information a stop may need to be made to it and if that involves the police prosecuting some pervert for rape, then so be it.
Just look where not wanting to upset her or cause strops has landed.
Yes it is a mess, yes you can sort it out, but not without putting your foot firmly down.

I'm so glad im not your child but I like you style.

Errata

shellsuit wrote: »

Please don't tell me you are actually being serious?!

Nothing moe than serious fantasies I think.

Make-it-3

Just wanted to say you seem to be handling this brilliantly. It appears she wants to make the decision about what to do for herself rather than involving the father. So I would respect her wish not to want to tell you of him for now. Although if she decides to keep the child, down the line she will need to think about that again.

Getting her to the GP would be good. If she has done various pregnancy test they will probably just take her word for it, but she should ask if they can help her access some impartial support where she can freely talk things thru to help her make the decisions she needs to going forward.