Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Person_one

ViolaLass wrote: »

You're assuming that the father knew how old the OP's daughter is. It's quite possible that age was never mentioned or even lied about - please note, I'm not saying this DID happen but that it could have. I know that were I 15 and I fancied an 18 year old, I would be in no hurry to share my age with him.

It would be on the 18 year old to find out. The adult has to take responsibility.

taxi36

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

A reality check more like.

To be honest, I've been quite shocked by many of the replies on here.

Why is that then? Do you think every-one looks down their noses at teenage mums?

We are posting on the thread to try to offer support to the OP . Support which I found invaluable a few weeks ago when I needed it!

poppyfield19

I'm honestly not completely sure what a couple of posters are trying to say regarding a reality check etc.
The pregnancy is a huge shock because she is very grounded and the reason I didn't know she had a boyfriend is because she doesn't. That's why I'm so worried about who the father is and the circumstances, I just don't want to push her into telling me things until she knows what she wants to do. Yes she's the child and I'm the adult and we will speak a lot about her options but at the end of the day it is her baby, she isn't a little girl and she has to make her own mind up.

My husband walked out on us, and my oldest definitely was hurt deeply by that. My husband and I were married over 20 years, trust me I didn't think he would walk out on us, but he did, I don't know how that's relevant to the situation.

Sorry if I sound rude at all.

taxi36

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

There've been too many {{hugs}}} on this thread already, without my adding any more.

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

A reality check more like.

To be honest, I've been quite shocked by many of the replies on here.

Oldernotwiser - from your posts I get the feeling that you look harshly on teenage Mums. Would I be right?
Havent you ever made a mistake in your life?
Do you not think that this young girl and her Mum are already feeling the strain of this?

Your "Holier than thou" posts are neither helpful or nice so maybe if the thread annoys you so much you should just stop involving yourself in it!
I cant see anyone forcing you to read it!

I always say never to judge any other person in life because you just dont know what is around that corner in life waiting for you!

ViolaLass

Person_one wrote: »

It would be on the 18 year old to find out. The adult has to take responsibility.

Sure, but IF she lied, would you necessarily blame him for believing her? If they met outside school, then there might be no indication of her age. And if he is angry with her now, it might be because he realises he slept with someone underage and the mess that might get him into, even without a baby to consider.

Did you ask the people/person you slept with at that age to prove their age to you?

Errata

OP - I hope this helps. It's concerning that your daughter believes the father will be angry if she tells anyone he is the father. I think an approach might be telling your daughter she has the right to your love and support both now and in the future, and she has it. In return you have the right to know who the father is so you can give love and support to your fullest ability. This includes facing the father's anger with your daughter.

viktory

Person_one wrote: »

Oh there are clearly more than before, but I think that's more an indicator that people don't feel quite so trapped in unhappy marriages or relationships anymore, and that women/girls who find themselves pregnant accidentally aren't under the same pressures to give the babies up as they were. I'd say those were good things!

This is somewhat off topic, which is unfair to the OP, but I would respectfully suggest that while there are bound to be people who are able to leave unhappy relationships, I do feel that there are a higher than average number of young women embarking on single parenthood - due, in part, to our very generous benefits system. Also, it has to be said, because there are many young girls with much looser morals and far less judgement when pregnancy is the inevitable result.

taxi36

poppyfield19 wrote: »

I'm honestly not completely sure what a couple of posters are trying to say regarding a reality check etc.
The pregnancy is a huge shock because she is very grounded and the reason I didn't know she had a boyfriend is because she doesn't. That's why I'm so worried about who the father is and the circumstances, I just don't want to push her into telling me things until she knows what she wants to do. Yes she's the child and I'm the adult and we will speak a lot about her options but at the end of the day it is her baby, she isn't a little girl and she has to make her own mind up.

My husband walked out on us, and my oldest definitely was hurt deeply by that. My husband and I were married over 20 years, trust me I didn't think he would walk out on us, but he did, I don't know how that's relevant to the situation.

Sorry if I sound rude at all.

Poppy you dont sound rude at all!
Your Daughter will talk to you when the time is right FOR HER.
Please ignore the rude posters on here who are giving you a bit of grief. There is no-one who is "qualified" to judge badly on this thread until they have walked a day in your shoes.
Its very easy for people to tell you what you should/shouldnt do when they have no bloody idea how they would deal with the situation if it were their own child.

You are handling things just perfectly.

Shelldean

when my kids need to make a descion about anything ( not pregnancy yet) I refuse to tell them my thoughts as to what they should do.
I always tell them that this life is their bed. They make it and they will have to lie in the bed they make. So think wisely about the choice they need to make. I may not always agree with their choices however I will of course ALWAYS support my kids in any way I can.

So OP make sure your DD know whatever she choose you'll be there supporting, but never mention what you'd do if it was you in her shoes, it may just sway her mind. The choice needs to be hers alone


All the best I hope all works out for you xx

Gillyx

I think for the OP to get angry it wouldn't do any good, what's done is done. Getting angry with her daughter would in my opinion only cause her daughter to retreat and confide less in her which isn't really whats needed here.

Deep down as a parent you may have fears or feelings that aren't all positive, but conveying them to this girl would do no good.