Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

System

vax2002 wrote: »

Yes it does, everything else becomes easy from that point.
Your children dont go around terrorising the neighbourhood in hoodies, robbing and stealing, smashing the village up, daubing graffiti and getting pregnant at 15.

As I can see a lot of the things above are quite normal behaviour for many "parents" on here, in fact I doubt a lot of you even know where your kids are.

I expect yours are at home under lock and key probably...

Oldernotwiser

taxi36 wrote: »

Oldernotwiser - from your posts I get the feeling that you look harshly on teenage Mums. Would I be right?
Havent you ever made a mistake in your life?
Do you not think that this young girl and her Mum are already feeling the strain of this?

Your "Holier than thou" posts are neither helpful or nice so maybe if the thread annoys you so much you should just stop involving yourself in it!
I cant see anyone forcing you to read it!

I always say never to judge any other person in life because you just dont know what is around that corner in life waiting for you!

This is a public forum and a discussion thread. As long as people are polite and sensible, there's room for a variety of opinions.

By the way, I'm not annoyed but I am deeply saddened.

shellsuit

rumdiddlyum wrote: »

no your kids probably did get pregnant or get someone pregnant but just had a termination straight away cause they knew what a horrible person you are:eek: and they couldnt come to you
but the OP is fine cause she has a great relationship with her daughter:T

you sound like a control freak to me cant you remember what it was like when you were younger and all those hormones or are you ugly :rotfl:

You know, I agree with this.

I hope Vax's children never find themselves in a situation like this, because I too could see them scuttling off for a termination because they are too scared to tell vax.

Control freak, Yes.

Not something I would have wanted in a parent and not something I want to pass onto my children.

shellsuit

vax2002 wrote: »

Yes it does, everything else becomes easy from that point.
Your children dont go around terrorising the neighbourhood in hoodies, robbing and stealing, smashing the village up, daubing graffiti and getting pregnant at 15.

As I can see a lot of the things above are quite normal behaviour for many "parents" on here, in fact I doubt a lot of you even know where your kids are.

Mine are upstairs in their rooms.

Where are yours? Locked in the cellar? :cool:

savingmummy

Sounds like you have done a fab job so far.
The father will be another hard thing for her to talk about, hopefully she will tell you in her own time.
A thing worth mentioning to your daughter `later down the line` is that knowing the father is also important for medical reasons. She will be asked a lot of questions regarding both sides of the family and if there are any medical issues ie, heart problems, eplilepsy etc etc.

Definately get her to the GP tomorrow.

Margoriglick

vax2002 wrote: »

As I said earlier, as far as the law stands, the child has been raped, thats the law of this land, like it or lump it.
I would sit the child down and establish some authority over the situation, the first thing is, who is in charge, I think it is called been a "parent".
I would establish the age of the other party, you know the "angry one" she is scared of, for all we know we could be talking about a 40 year old man here that has abused a child, and also establish how long this has been going on for.
Things would get done right, all i.s dotted and all T's crossed again which is your responsibility as a parent.
this is no time for namby pamby cotton wool dont get her cross time, this is time to stamp your foot down and gain some control over the child, if you are in capable of doing so, it is time to call in social services and have the child placed with foster parents who are capable of establishing and adult and child relationship.
One things is for certain, what has been going on needs to be established very quickly and given that information a stop may need to be made to it and if that involves the police prosecuting some pervert for rape, then so be it.
Just look where not wanting to upset her or cause strops has landed.
Yes it is a mess, yes you can sort it out, but not without putting your foot firmly down.

Oh my god :eek:. I can assure you that i have a great deal of respect for my parents and always have done, probably because they never would of even dreamt of dealing with something in such a ridiculous manner.

Paradigm

vax2002 wrote: »

As I said earlier, as far as the law stands, the child has been raped.

Really? How do you know?

vax2002 wrote: »

I would sit the child down and establish some authority over the situation, the first thing is, who is in charge, I think it is called been a "parent".

How would you do that?

vax2002 wrote: »

I would establish the age of the other party

How would you get this information? Bully her, threaten her or just beat it out of her? I'm intrigued!

vax2002 wrote: »

Things would get done right, all i.s dotted and all T's crossed again which is your responsibility as a parent.
this is no time for namby pamby cotton wool dont get her cross time, this is time to stamp your foot down and gain some control over the child, if you are in capable of doing so, it is time to call in social services and have the child placed with foster parents who are capable of establishing and adult and child relationship.

Not worth a comment!

vax2002 wrote: »

One things is for certain, what has been going on needs to be established very quickly and given that information a stop may need to be made to it and if that involves the police prosecuting some pervert for rape, then so be it.

Involving the Police at this time helps how? There's more than enough stress already.

vax2002 wrote: »

Yes it is a mess, yes you can sort it out, but not without putting your foot firmly down.

In what way does the OP "put her foot firmly down"? What does it achieve? Are you suggesting dragging the girl to the local clinic for a termination?

KiKi

vax2002 wrote: »

Yes it does, everything else becomes easy from that point.
Your children dont go around terrorising the neighbourhood in hoodies, robbing and stealing, smashing the village up, daubing graffiti and getting pregnant at 15.

There's nothing to say the mother here isn't in charge, or hasn't been. If her daughter has been raped - as you have declared so many times - then how has the mother failed to be in charge in 'letting' that happen?

It's not about allowing the child to 'rule' the parent. It's about the fact that emotions will be high right now for both mum and daughter, and daughter has to make a decision about whether to keep the child or not. And despite your strong values - which I don't happen to disagree with - that's not a decision that her mum can make for her, no matter how in charge she is.

I agree that parents should have authority over their children. But authority is not the same as control. It's about maintaining a parental role and helping your child to make decisions when mistakes are made. I hope the OP's child *has* made a mistake, because the alternative is that she did not consent to sex, and I hope that's not the case for her.

I suspect that the sort of mistakes you dealt with for your kids didn't suddenly involve another life. Which is why the OP can't just 'control' her daughter. She maintains authority, but helps her child through it.

It's a different perspective and outlook to yours, but telling her she's a bad parent who should allow her daughter to be fostered out so someone else can control her is a ridiculous suggestion, and I'm sure you know that.

KiKi

make_me_wise

vax2002 wrote: »

Yes it does, everything else becomes easy from that point.
Your children dont go around terrorising the neighbourhood in hoodies, robbing and stealing, smashing the village up, daubing graffiti and getting pregnant at 15.

As I can see a lot of the things above are quite normal behaviour for many "parents" on here, in fact I doubt a lot of you even know where your kids are.

I did none of the things you suggest above and my parents never had to establish authority or make it clear who was in charge. They did something that seems completely alien to you and talked to me, reasoned with me and guided me.

You seem very aggressive, self righteous and just out to mock and ridicule people on here. Assuming a lot of posters dont know where there kids are and that they must be up to no good, just because they see things very differently from you, is rather childish.

Seems to be getting your goat a bit that you cant take control of this thread and force us all to see things your way. Might have worked on your kids but we have all been raised to know our own minds by 'proper parents'.

You are now on my ignore list as your posts bore me and I have no time for such ignorant drivvle :wave:

Jinx

I think most things have been said. If it was me I would just ask my daughter when chatting in general to reassure me that she was not raped or coerced as her welfare is obviously paramount. After that you have plenty of time to resolve any issues over the father if she decides to proceed with the pregnancy.