Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

mumps

Dave101t wrote: »

to find out who the father was you will need to get the names of all the kids who were in 'attendance'.

That is completely uncalled for. You have no idea of the circumstances.

Fire_Fox

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thanks looby - yes I'll definitely need to find out who the father is and know the situation exactly....
But I do think it's most important to take her to the doctor tomorrow and get her checked, does that sound fair?

If it is possible for you to do, I think it might be helpful to refer to this as an embryo or foetus rather than a baby. Assuming she is relatively early in pregnancy, what she is carrying is a bundle of cells possibly with some tissue differentiation. It is many months before a foetus has a brain, can feel pain, could survive outside the womb. This is not merely my opinion, it is that of the medical and legal professions (I appreciate some readers may feel differently).

The embryo absolutely has the potential to be a baby, and it is that potential that parents love when they plan a pregnancy (and sometimes when they do not). If the embryo is consistently referred to as a baby then one option becomes highly emotive, taboo, because a termination becomes killing a baby, murder. Ideally your daughter should be making the right decision for all concerned, be that putting her career hopes first or deciding to give her all to becoming a mother or juggling the two with your support.

I am saying this because you say your daughter is undecided, if she was sure one way or the other that would be different. Whilst I understand you saying she is very mature, the fact that she thought you and the man involved would be angry suggests there is still a young girl inside - I would have (wrongly) felt the same at that age. I think you do have the right to know who the man involved in this is, your daughter had underage sex and legally she is a minor in your charge. That to me is a separate issue to the decision of what to do about the pregnancy which, as a woman, is hers alone. As you say the man is not your main priority but I think you are right to want to know.

I hope the above does not sound critical, it really is not meant to be. Best of luck to you both. :A

Make-it-3

Just because "he would be angry" doesn't mean its a married man, it could be an angry youth, or maybe he would be angry because she had told him she had contraception covered, or maybe he wouldn't be angry but she said it to avoid drawing him into the equation.

Let's not get too hooked up on speculating who the father is because its not going to help the OP.The young lady has chosen to make her decision without consulting him (whether we think that is right or wrong) its her choice.

DON79

disgusting and downright nasty thing to say Dave101t and reported.... hope you are the one ppr'd soon

I hesitated to report some of your earlier posts as I hoped a longer standing member like yourself might be more decent, guess I was wrong!

Torry_Quine

DON79 wrote: »

disgusting and downright nasty thing to say Dave101t and reported.... hope you are the one ppr'd soon

I agree and already have him on ignore. I would say that if someone makes unwarranted comments don't quote them as it means that if the OP has them on ignore they will see the quoe.

viktory

Person_one wrote: »

Suffice it to say I don't share your views.

As is your prerogative

Violetta_2

Welshdebtor wrote: »

OP you/your daughter may find this link useful http://www.careconfidential.com/MyTeenageDaughterIsPregnant.aspx

Just be aware that this organisation isn't 100% impartial, they do have an agenda link
Good luck OP as a mother myself I can imagine what you are going through, I think you are doing well at being there for her, try not to think too much re what the father has done you/we have been told very little & whilst anything is possible it may well be a daft lad from down the road. I understand the importance of finding out who he is but no point fearing the worst until you know-you have enough on your plate as it is.

Welshdebtor

Violetta wrote: »

Just be aware that this organisation isn't 100% impartial, they do have an agenda link
Good luck OP as a mother myself I can imagine what you are going through, I think you are doing well at being there for her, try not to think too much re what the father has done you/we have been told very little & whilst anything is possible it may well be a daft lad from down the road. I understand the importance of finding out who he is but no point fearing the worst until you know-you have enough on your plate as it is.

Interesting. Thanks for sharing.

taxi36

As some of the posters a bit further back in the thread were mentioning social services I just thought I would post some info which may be of help.
When we took our Daughter to her first antenatal appointment we were told that any expectant mum under the age of 18 had to be reported to social services. She said that sometimes they will do a home visit and at other times they wont.

At this point in time - 4 weeks after the antenatal appointment we have heard nothing from social services. This may however be because our Daughter is close to turning 18 (4 months away). I suspect that if a 15 year old attended an antenatal appointment they may be more liable to get a home visit from SS.

The OP sounds like a very good Mum and so would have nothing to fear even if SS DID pay a visit.

Torry_Quine

Violetta wrote: »

Just be aware that this organisation isn't 100% impartial, they do have an agenda
Good luck OP as a mother myself I can imagine what you are going through, I think you are doing well at being there for her, try not to think too much re what the father has done you/we have been told very little & whilst anything is possible it may well be a daft lad from down the road. I understand the importance of finding out who he is but no point fearing the worst until you know-you have enough on your plate as it is.

Actually CARE are 100% impartial. They offer free non-judgemental, non-directional counselling. They will go through all the options with the client and let them come to their own decision. They can then give support whatever the decision.

I hope that you both manage to get a good night's sleep.