Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

snuggle69

Well I have just ploughed my way through this entire thread and what a minefield..... I had my eldest son young and this is my perspective on it all...

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant and in a long term relationship, so decided to continue with the pregnancy. To cut a long story short we split up shortly after the birth of my son, who is now nearly 23. Now I wouldnt change anything for the world with what happened, BUT!!!!

I have said this all along, and thankfully all my children have agreed with me...I now have 4 of them ranging from 14 to nearly 23 I would never ever recommend to any young person to have a baby before living their lives. I did miss out on so much and only now at the age of 42 am I starting to begin to do all the things I missed out on. She might not do anything now, but she hasnt even left school.

I do totally agree the decision should be hers though, but you do need to make her understand she personally should be able to support herself and her baby and not just expect hand outs, this may sound rather harsh but its true!

As for who the father is, I admire the way you have dealt with the whole situation poppy, but do think that you have the right to know these details, just in case there is anything untoward about it.

Also from experience the under 16 sex thing means nothing with the Police anymore they simply are not interested.

anothergymslipmum

Poppy, I think, is waiting for her ex to arrive and only then can decisions be made.

I said this earlier but will repeat it: speaking from my own experience of being 15 and pregnant, the DD is most likely existing from day to day in total state of misery and confusion. She is most probably wanting to whole thing to go away so she can stop thinking about it. It's a typical immature view of the world and her situation.
What the DD needs desperately is some guidance and a clear articulation of her three options with someone summarising the pros and cons of each option for her.
Who is doing this?
It's my opinion that the DD thinks that having the child is the easiest option, a 'just leave it and everything will take its course', option of doing nothing. Someone needs to explain to her that this is what she is doing and to help her clear her head.

Obviously no-one knows what the true situation is with the DD, the father and the circs of the conception but much this unhelpful chatter here is distracting Poppyfield from the imperative issue that a decision has to be made and, to do this, the DD needs clear and unbiased guidance from someone outside of the family.

peachyprice

pigpen wrote: »

You can't say that.. my mother insisted my pregnancy wasn't planned.. she probably still does.. she also insisted hers wasn't but it was for different reasons.. TBH I'd think it was.. given the amount of time she goes out the usual routines of stuff and you saying she hasn't had chance for this to happen so you don't know how it did.. that would make me think she had planned it because she has had to make/find the time, feed you an excuse to be out unsupervised and you not be suspicious, refusal to admit to a relationship of any kind.. I wouldn't want to think my daughter would be quite such a twit.. but there are worse things she could have done. She then 'planned' buying pregnancy tests and hiding it from you for several weeks... In 25 years time she might just admit this was planned.

It wouldn't be unusual for a young girl, who's father has recently abandoned the family, to seek attention and reasssurance from males, and particularly a 'father figure' to replace the one they've lost.

So to this end I could quite easily believe it wasn't as unplanned as the daughter is suggesting.

Gavin83

anguk wrote: »

I couldn't agree more. The impression we're given is a shy, unsociable young girl who cares for and looks after her younger siblings yet the fact remains that she's 15 years old, sexually active and has been deceiving her mother about where she's been and who she's been with.

At what point does it say she's been lying about her locations? For all we know it could have happened at one of the locations she said she was at. Could have even happened at school.

rachbc

anothergymslipmum wrote: »

Poppy, I think, is waiting for her ex to arrive and only then can decisions be made.

I said this earlier but will repeat it: speaking from my own experience of being 15 and pregnant, the DD is most likely existing from day to day in total state of misery and confusion. She is most probably wanting to whole thing to go away so she can stop thinking about it. It's a typical immature view of the world and her situation.
What the DD needs desperately is some guidance and a clear articulation of her three options with someone summarising the pros and cons of each option for her.
Who is doing this?
It's my opinion that the DD thinks that having the child is the easiest option, a 'just leave it and everything will take its course', option of doing nothing. Someone needs to explain to her that this is what she is doing and to help her clear her head.

Obviously no-one knows what the true situation is with the DD, the father and the circs of the conception but much this unhelpful chatter here is distracting Poppyfield from the imperative issue that a decision has to be made and, to do this, the DD needs clear and unbiased guidance from someone outside of the family.

Absolutely - all this prevaricating about who the dad is, the circumstnaces around the conception, how she will support herself, who will lok after the baby, if was planned etc etc disctract from the issue here. This young woman needs to make a decision, and make one soon about what she is going to do about her pregnancy - she has 3 choices and burying her head in the sand is not one of them! I really hope the session today helps her at least realise this, is not actually make the decision.

Pollycat

anothergymslipmum wrote: »

What the DD needs desperately is some guidance and a clear articulation of her three options with someone summarising the pros and cons of each option for her.
Who is doing this?
It's my opinion that the DD thinks that having the child is the easiest option, a 'just leave it and everything will take its course', option of doing nothing. Someone needs to explain to her that this is what she is doing and to help her clear her head.

I said pages ago that this girl needs to talk to someone (who is not involved in her decision in any way) about the options open to her.

I also think she needs to understand the impact her decision (whatever it is) will have on her and her family - both short-term and long-term.

I belive that the OP and her daughter are going to a 'session' today so hopefully they will come out of that with a clearer way forward.

Maybe after the decision about the pregnancy, the daughter may decide to open up about the father.

But I've a sneaky suspicion that if she decides on an abortion, she may never reveal who the father is and the circumstances surrounding the conception.

The longer this goes on, the more I feel she is being very unfair to her Mum - who, from what I gather, has bent over backwards to treat her with love and compassion.

anothergymslipmum

Yes, rachbc, and I also think that the ongoing speculation is prurient and distasteful and not helpful to Poppyfield nor to her daughter.

Dasa

anothergymslipmum wrote: »

Yes, rachbc, and I also think that the ongoing speculation is prurient and distasteful and not helpful to Poppyfield nor to her daughter.

Yeah, some people have obviously got nothing better to do with their time judging by the amount of time they spend on this place.

anothergymslipmum

Dasa, oh the irony.

Caroline73_2

I think that people talking about their own subjective view isn't anymore helpful than an objective view. I feel the thread is digressing into therapy for some posters.