Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

RedBern

Poppy, been reading with interest/admiration this week about how you've handled a tricky situation, and tried to imagine my own feelings if such a thing had happened to my family (only 1 daughter, phew) but 3 lads.

I think the time has come, as earlier posters have said, to take a firmer line here. You've been supportive and positive up to now, but decisions need to be based on all the facts, not just the facts your daughter chooses to disclose. And, as the mother of 3 boys, I think that, were one of mine in this position, he should know and take some responsibility for his actions.

If your daughter chooses a termination, that is her decision and a choice which must be based on all the facts in front of her, about schooling and bringing up babies, teaching them to walk, and to speak (and then when they're 15 they refuse to speak to tell you things!;))

What I'm trying to say (badly) is that the father of this child has some responsibility - not for the decision - but to know the consequences of his actions. If she doesn't tell him (and you don't know who he is) - is she going to continue a relationship with him? and perhaps... as others have said they could be together for years in the future with a big hidden secret hanging over them? Just a thought.

Don't rule out adoption, there are lots of families out there who can't conceive who would love and cherish the baby as their own.

Good luck with whatever your daughter decides - I hope you can stay strong to give her the support she needs. x

Errata

vax2002 wrote: »

Yes it is followed up and they have a special prison in a town called wakefield which has 750 specialist places for adults who confuse morals for the Law regarding "consent" , these people are considered so dangerous that it is only one of two prisons in the country that have a AAA security rating.

That is so pitifully incorrect I almost feel sorry for you.

thorsoak

vax2002 wrote: »

Oh for crying out loud...
Somebody teach this IDIOT to read the post first.

This is not the forum nor the thread for this continuous debate of yours, vax2002. Why, in the name of everything legal, do you not take your argument to the Moneysavers Arms?

It's getting a tad tedious here. We hear your point ....too loudly and too often.

It's getting in the way of offering SENSIBLE advice to Poppyfields and her daughter - what is done is done, it's now a case of what to do now - damage limitation if you like.

mrs_marty

Hi how are things this morning? I hope things go well when her Dad arrives, not only for her sake but your own, take some of the weight off of your shoulders, share the load so to speak x

Rikki

Person_one wrote: »

Legally he is incorrect.

If two 15 year olds, or a 14 year old and 15 year old have consensual sex, no crime has been committed.

Can I just ask... What if a sixteen year old and an fourteen year old have sex. Does one being over sixteen make a difference in the eyes of the law?

peachyprice

I believe so yes Rikki.

Do you remember the mother we had on here, last year I think. Her son had a girlfriend he met when he was 15, they'd been going out and having sex, he then turned 16. The girls mother reported him to the police and he was taken to the police station for questioning, with the real possibility of being charged. It was a long drawn out process, but he was eventually cleared

pigpen

poppyfield19 wrote: »

No it definitely wasn't planned, I did think of that too.

You can't say that.. my mother insisted my pregnancy wasn't planned.. she probably still does.. she also insisted hers wasn't but it was for different reasons.. TBH I'd think it was.. given the amount of time she goes out the usual routines of stuff and you saying she hasn't had chance for this to happen so you don't know how it did.. that would make me think she had planned it because she has had to make/find the time, feed you an excuse to be out unsupervised and you not be suspicious, refusal to admit to a relationship of any kind.. I wouldn't want to think my daughter would be quite such a twit.. but there are worse things she could have done. She then 'planned' buying pregnancy tests and hiding it from you for several weeks... In 25 years time she might just admit this was planned.

However, it is irrelevant in the broad scheme of things and the whys and wherefores are not relevant to the situation right now, today.

Did you watch the 'underage and pregnant' on the BBC.. or.. what was the other one? .. they had several teenagers who wanted a baby at 13 and 14 or something and were put in different situations to get an experience of what it was like.. it isn't unheard of for young hormone riddled young ladies to do things like this because they want a baby.

anguk

judyjetson wrote: »

Her being all coy and enbarrassed is no excuse for pushing it further. She's done the deed (most likely more than once) so no excuse for false modesty there. You need to be stronger and tought, and not be afraid her reaction - after all, you are, whether you like it on not, from her current position, going to be very much involved in her decision.

You've bent over backwards to make her feel confortable and you've been non-judgmental. All this talk about getting her to trust you and taing it step by step - no, you've got to let her know it's give and take and it's her time to give.

I couldn't agree more. The impression we're given is a shy, unsociable young girl who cares for and looks after her younger siblings yet the fact remains that she's 15 years old, sexually active and has been deceiving her mother about where she's been and who she's been with.

If she gets upset and coy when she's asked about the father (and refuses to answer) how is she going to cope with an assortment of doctors, midwives etc asking personal questions? Not to mention the internal examinations. :eek:

Part of me feels so sorry for this girl, she's young and maybe very scared, but another part of me feels like she's calling all the shots here. Keeping it secret for weeks, planning on keeping the pregnancy hidden, wanting to stay out of school, refusing to name the father.

As a mother of a 17yr old girl I would hope I could remain as calm and collected as the OP but I'm afraid I would be going into mother-mode now and demanding some answers. First questions would be who is the father, how long have you been seeing him and where and when was this taking place. Even if it's just to put the mother's mind at ease because by now I would be thinking the worst as she's refusing to name him.

podperson

Rikki wrote: »

Can I just ask... What if a sixteen year old and an fourteen year old have sex. Does one being over sixteen make a difference in the eyes of the law?

It does make a difference yes but the law does clearly state that it is not intended to prosecute 'mutually agreed teenage sexual activity between young people of a similar age, unless it involves abuse or exploitation' I know the specifics of the law in England and Scotland are slightly different but in Scotland if there is less then 2 years age difference between the parties then that is considered a useable defence. If the underage person is between 13 and 15 there can also be a defence if they lied about their age.

pmlindyloo

Person_one wrote: »

Legally he is incorrect.

If two 15 year olds, or a 14 year old and 15 year old have consensual sex, no crime has been committed.

Despite many posters giving the correct information there are still others who are persisting in giving incorrect information.

People are getting confused about the law which is there to protect young people and what happens in practice.

I think the Brook Centre puts it very well.

''The age at which it is legal to have sex is called the age of consent. In the UK and Jersey the age of consent is 16 years old for everyone, whether they want to have sex with someone of the same or opposite sex.

The age of consent law was designed to protect young people from harm rather than to prosecute them. If you are under 16 and you are having sex, it's highly unlikely you will get into trouble as long as there is not a large age difference between you and your partner and you both consent (are happy) to have sex. (Quote)

Since we are unaware of the circumstances in this case we cannot surmise what may happen. However, I do think it is important not to give incorrect information.:)