Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

pinkclouds

WelshBluebird wrote: »

From what I can see, it is still illegal if both are under 16 (have a look at section 13 of the sexual offences act 2003). However it is rarely pursued as there is no real point if both partners were willing (and even then surely you would have to charge both of them??).

The law is different albeit similar in England (and Wales), Scotland and Northern Ireland. I believe that particular Act applies to England and Wales.

However, I agree that everyone is thinking of under 13s who cannot legally "consent" to anything of this nature. If the two kids involved are between 13 and 16 and within 2 years of each other then I believe it is still an offense - even with consent - but it's unlikely they'd be prosecuted.

This seems to be a useful summary: http://www.fpa.org.uk/professionals/factsheets/lawonsex

I think the OP's daughter should have little to fear from disclosing the father's identity, unless he's a lot older than her. If she's aware of and thinking about the under 16 issue, perhaps she needs reassurance that their prosecution is highly unlikely to be in the public interest? Phrased in a more caring, teen-friendly way, of course. I sound very stilted!

mandi

Pennylane wrote: »

Just an observation really and going on what I see around here.


I'll probably get slated for this but I also think the parents should be made to provide for the pregnant girl and their offspring. I don't think they should get benefits at all. There are loads of girls out there who think they've hit the jackpot when they find they're pregnant. Excuse to leave school, plenty of daytime telly, designer buggies, babies to cuddle etc.
.:)

I understand what you're saying Penny but your point is flawed

Why should the responsibility lie with the girl or her parents ? . I wonder how may millions of men have fathered a child and walked away without any emotional or financial support ..

Gavin83

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You don't have to be "interested" to have a responsibility to support a child you've fathered and it doesn't have to be voluntary.

True, it doesn't have to be voluntary and legally he will have to provide for the child. However if he is also around the same age it's possible he may not be working for 7 years or so and therefore legally won't actually have to provide her with a percentage of his income as he won't have any. After all, his life and education will largely remain unaffected.

*max*

CFC wrote: »

Very good point there pigpen, I hadn't even considered that. It woud fit in with having made plans as to how to hide her pregnancy. It would also explain the lack of a boyfriend and the reluctance to talk about the father?

And all the wannabe Sherlock Holmes, please stand up...Geeeezussss.

Primarni

vax2002 wrote: »

Wrong I am afraid, any person under the age of 16 can not give consent for sex, with a boy of similar age or a 88 year old man, that's the law of this land.
Consent is a legal term, it does not mean you agree or are willing.

vax2002 wrote: »

Show me what is false..... waiting,,,,,,waiting,,,,
Thought so.

Here's the actual law.

Show us the bit you mean.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/schedule/2

judyjetson

I've been reading since the beginning but never posted so far. I can't help thinking that maybe you're being a little too laid back now. Maybe your daughter actually expects some censure, and possibly your attitude is confusing her, depending on your normal reaction?

I don't know if you've asked her how long she's been sexually active, because just going on what you've posted, there's been no indication that she's said it was only the once or whatever. Perhaps it's her first sexual relationship, so she's gone from the first time, which is under the 14 weeks, which is what has thrown her there.
If it is something that's only started recently, I'd be expecting her to say "Well, I only did it xx times and the first time was on xx date."

Her being all coy and enbarrassed is no excuse for pushing it further. She's done the deed (most likely more than once) so no excuse for false modesty there. You need to be stronger and tought, and not be afraid her reaction - after all, you are, whether you like it on not, from her current position, going to be very much involved in her decision.

You've bent over backwards to make her feel confortable and you've been non-judgmental. All this talk about getting her to trust you and taing it step by step - no, you've got to let her know it's give and take and it's her time to give.

You've given the impression of a very naive, young for her age 15-year-old. Apologies if that's not the case. However, as someone else mentioned, she seems to have a strong maternal instinct - is it possible she actually wanted this to happen?

I'm sorry, but I think it's time to stop tip-toeing around your daughter and get her to face up to reality if she's resigned/determined to becoming a mother, because that's not how her world's going to be from now on. If she can shrug her shoulders and refuse to answer now, or burst into tears when asked who the father is, hiw on earth will she cope as a 15-year-old mother. What if that's her reaction when the baby needs feeding, changing, etc? What excuses are you going to make for her then?

I'm not trying to be dekiberately harsh, I'm just responding to things you've posted. I hope everything works out well for your daughter and your family, whatever she chooses to do.

pelirocco

vax2002 wrote: »

Wrong I am afraid, any person under the age of 16 can not give consent for sex, with a boy of similar age or a 88 year old man, that's the law of this land.
Consent is a legal term, it does not mean you agree or are willing.

So what about sex with a a girl or a 88 year old woman ? Iknow I am being pedantic , but you seem to have problems with girls only

I am puzzled as to how consent can not mean you agree or are willing ?

Caroline_a

judyjetson wrote: »

I'm sorry, but I think it's time to stop tip-toeing around your daughter and get her to face up to reality if she's resigned/determined to becoming a mother, because that's not how her world's going to be from now on. If she can shrug her shoulders and refuse to answer now, or burst into tears when asked who the father is, hiw on earth will she cope as a 15-year-old mother. What if that's her reaction when the baby needs feeding, changing, etc? What excuses are you going to make for her then?

Totally agree I'm afraid. Time for tough love now, both of you have to look at the realities of the situation, how it will affect not just her, but her sisters, her schooling, your work situation, money situation, and both of your futures. How is she going to cope with night feeds, toddler tantrums, and taking responsibility for another human life?

Some people have mentioned that it might have happened on purpose. When I worked with young people I saw quite a few girls who didnt like school or who were starting to fail at education, get pregnant as a career choice. It's not a good way to become a mum if that is so.

Pollycat

Poppyfield
I hope it goes well for you both at the session today.

FWIW, I think your daughter really needs to understand the impact of the options open to her at this stage, not just for the immediate future but possibly far into her adult life.

Caroline73_2

Pollycat wrote: »

Poppyfield
I hope it goes well for you both at the session today.

FWIW, I think your daughter really needs to understand the impact of the options open to her at this stage, not just for the immediate future but possibly far into her adult life.

I couldn't agree with this more. There were a few posters who were advising not referring to 'a baby' when discussing options but as 'a foetus/embryo'. Sorry but the daughter needs to use and hear the words baby/child/teenager as that is what she will have. If she continues with the pregnancy she will be mother to a teenage in her twenties. Is that what she wants? It's not about the next 6 months, it's about the next 20+ years.