Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

poet123

With respect, the OP has put this issue out on a public forum and so has to expect opinion, speculation and advice.

I also suspect that many of us feel this is dragging on too long, and that the OP needs to be more assertive and extract the necessary information from her daughter. My own feeling ( and to answer the oft queried "just how would you achieve that") is that if a parent does not have the means or ability to do this from a 15 year old child, that speaks volumes about how they have parented to date. I know that won't be a popular view, but it is my honest opinion.

snuggle69

poet123 wrote: »

With respect, the OP has put this issue out on a public forum and so has to expect opinion, speculation and advice.

I also suspect that many of us feel this is dragging on too long, and that the OP needs to be more assertive and extract the necessary information from her daughter. My own feeling ( and to answer the oft queried "just how would you achieve that") is that if a parent does not have the means or ability to do this from a 15 year old child, that speaks volumes about how they have parented to date. I know that won't be a popular view, but it is my honest opinion.

Do you have any teenage children? If they dont want to tell you something no matter how open the relationship is they will not tell you it has nothing whatsover to do with parenting skills!

rachbc

poet123 wrote: »

With respect, the OP has put this issue out on a public forum and so has to expect opinion, speculation and advice.

I also suspect that many of us feel this is dragging on too long, and that the OP needs to be more assertive and extract the necessary information from her daughter. My own feeling ( and to answer the oft queried "just how would you achieve that") is that if a parent does not have the means or ability to do this from a 15 year old child, that speaks volumes about how they have parented to date. I know that won't be a popular view, but it is my honest opinion.

yes and neccessary information is what is she going to do next - not who/ what/ when/ where or how the conception occured!

Oldernotwiser

rachbc wrote: »

Absolutely - all this prevaricating about who the dad is, the circumstnaces around the conception, how she will support herself, who will lok after the baby, if was planned etc etc disctract from the issue here. This young woman needs to make a decision, and make one soon about what she is going to do about her pregnancy - she has 3 choices and burying her head in the sand is not one of them! I really hope the session today helps her at least realise this, is not actually make the decision.

At this point, the daughter has to choose between 2 options, to terminate or continue with the pregnancy. Any other choice will be made in the future.

Dasa

poet123 wrote: »

With respect, the OP has put this issue out on a public forum and so has to expect opinion, speculation and advice.

I also suspect that many of us feel this is dragging on too long, and that the OP needs to be more assertive and extract the necessary information from her daughter. My own feeling ( and to answer the oft queried "just how would you achieve that") is that if a parent does not have the means or ability to do this from a 15 year old child, that speaks volumes about how they have parented to date. I know that won't be a popular view, but it is my honest opinion.

Well, how very arrogant of you. have you not heard that all people are not the same and just because it works for you and yours and not everyone else,they are bad parents, what a narrow minded view you have mrs perfect.

Oldernotwiser

snuggle69 wrote: »

Do you have any teenage children? If they dont want to tell you something no matter how open the relationship is they will not tell you it has nothing whatsover to do with parenting skills!

I would assume that the reason why the daughter would disobey her mother is because the parenting has been too "open", not because it hasn't been open enough!

Errata

Caroline73 wrote: »

I think that people talking about their own subjective view isn't anymore helpful than an objective view. I feel the thread is digressing into therapy for some posters.

When, on the 10th most popular social networking site in the UK, someone posts about a difficult situation they invite comment and have to take the rough with the smooth. If some people choose to use it for therapeutic purposes (although I haven't sensed anyone doing that) that's their choice.

snuggle69

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I would assume that the reason why the daughter would disobey her mother is because the parenting has been too "open", not because it hasn't been open enough!

No I am not convinced that is the case, but I do think its something that needs addressing. My biggest concern if I was poppy was that there was an underlying reason as to why she wouldnt tell her.

Errata

snuggle69 wrote: »

No I am not convinced that is the case, but I do think its something that needs addressing. My biggest concern if I was poppy was that there was an underlying reason as to why she wouldnt tell her.

When schoolgirls refuse to tell mothers all the details of a very serious situation they're in, the reason is usually a very bad one. Some will try for as long as they can get away with it if they sense the mother is a bit of a pushover.

Pollycat

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

At this point, the daughter has to choose between 2 options, to terminate or continue with the pregnancy. Any other choice will be made in the future.

I see what you mean but I would hope that if the decision is to continue with the pregnancy, even at this stage the daughter has at least some idea of what she is going to do once the baby arrives.

There are 2 younger children in the household and they deserve not to be under the impression that a new baby will be coming to stay, only to find it's disappeared from their sister's tum into 'thin air'.