Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

anguk

rachbc wrote: »

yes and neccessary information is what is she going to do next - not who/ what/ when/ where or how the conception occured!

But that is also very important too and could also have a bearing on the decision to keep or abort the baby. There's also health implications, stds etc to take into account. The mother doesn't even know if the sex was consensual. In my opinion knowing at least something about the father, not necessarily his name but at least his age, if it was consensual etc could help with the decision making.

poet123

Dasa wrote: »

Well, how very arrogant of you. have you not heard that all people are not the same and just because it works for you and yours and not everyone else,they are bad parents, what a narrow minded view you have mrs perfect.

I am entitled to my opinion, and I stand by it. Sometimes being a parent calls for tough love, and, at this point, in this issue, I think it is called for. Chidren need boundaries, and need to understand that even at 15 they don't know it all, they cannot see the pitfalls, to point those out is a parents job.

snuggle69 wrote: »

Do you have any teenage children? If they dont want to tell you something no matter how open the relationship is they will not tell you it has nothing whatsover to do with parenting skills!

I have one 14 year old, and three others in their 20's, and yes, there may have been issues which they have been reluctant to share, and issues which they found difficult to share, but it was my job to make sure I had all the information necessary to help them make an informed decision. And I did my job.

That job started when they were babies, it is no use being a relaxed parent until you hit trouble and then starting to assert your parental authority, it won't work. You have to have clear and consistent boundaries, open lines of communication and for them to know that your love is unconditional, but that they have to take personal responsibility for their actions.

So, I beg to differ, imo it has everything to do with parenting skills.

mumps

Errata wrote: »

When schoolgirls refuse to tell mothers all the details of a very serious situation they're in, the reason is usually a very bad one. Some will try for as long as they can get away with it if they sense the mother is a bit of a pushover.

Going back to when I worked for a large police force I remember a girl, think she was 15 or 16. Very concerned, middleclass parents, nice girl, good school etc. Parents brought girl to police station as she was pregnant and they had demanded answers and she told them she had been raped and named the boy. When parents were asked to leave the girl with an experienced officer she cried and said she was in love, she had consented but said she was raped as she was scared of parents reaction. Parents came back in and the officer explained that nothing would be done because of what the girl said. The girl then denied saying it and said she had been raped. This continued for some hours with the boy and his parents being brought in. He wasn't charged and the officers concerned were all sure that there had been no rape. It took several hours with specially trained officers supporting the girl for her to admit to her parents that she had consented to sex and loved her boyfriend.

Tough love? Demanding answers? Parents skills? It doesn't always work the way we think it should.

This is not directed at Errata but I haven't got time to go back and see who it was but I think there was more than one - Calling the OP's parenting skills into question is not helpful, not kind and I for one wish it would stop.

Just to add, my four are all over the age of consent with two in their 30's. I have never had any serious problems with their behaviour, all bright, high achievers, no trouble with the police, drugs etc. I for one thank my lucky stars but don't congratulate myself as I think I have been very fortunate.

pelirocco

I find a) People always think their own parenting skills are better then yours

b) people with no children seem to have all the answers



insert roll eyes smiley

happy_but_skint

mumps wrote: »

.
Tough love? Demanding answers? Parents skills? It doesn't always work the way we think it should.

This is not directed at Errata but I haven't got time to go back and see who it was but I think there was more than one - Calling the OP's parenting skills into question is not helpful, not kind and I for one wish it would stop.

I agree when I got pregnant at 15 it wasnt my parents fault, I always knew they were always parent and I was the child and what they said went.
I got pregnant through my own stupidity all my friends at school were saying what it was like and I felt left behind. Peer pressure can far outweigh what mum and dad say, if I wanted to do something I found a way to do it. My mum and dad have always worked and we are not from a poor deprived area.
I am one of three daughters and the only one to fall pregnant young my parents didnt fail me or my sisters, although I miscarried I had my DS at 18 and we have a very good strong relationship and I dont feel I missed out and I have held down full time well paid emplyment since leaving school.

poet123

mumps wrote: »

Going back to when I worked for a large police force I remember a girl, think she was 15 or 16. Very concerned, middleclass parents, nice girl, good school etc. Parents brought girl to police station as she was pregnant and they had demanded answers and she told them she had been raped and named the boy. When parents were asked to leave the girl with an experienced officer she cried and said she was in love, she had consented but said she was raped as she was scared of parents reaction. Parents came back in and the officer explained that nothing would be done because of what the girl said. The girl then denied saying it and said she had been raped. This continued for some hours with the boy and his parents being brought in. He wasn't charged and the officers concerned were all sure that there had been no rape. It took several hours with specially trained officers supporting the girl for her to admit to her parents that she had consented to sex and loved her boyfriend.

Tough love? Demanding answers? Parents skills? It doesn't always work the way we think it should.

This is not directed at Errata but I haven't got time to go back and see who it was but I think there was more than one - Calling the OP's parenting skills into question is not helpful, not kind and I for one wish it would stop.

Just to add, my four are all over the age of consent with two in their 30's. I have never had any serious problems with their behaviour, all bright, high achievers, no trouble with the police, drugs etc. I for one thank my lucky stars but don't congratulate myself as I think I have been very fortunate.

Does anything?

I agree in part, but it cannot wholly be down to luck, to have four who have had no serious issues, it may have played a part, when doesn't it? but I think you cn congratulate yourself as well. I can't, yet! I still have a 14 year old to guide through the maze of adolescence.

Errata

This is not directed at Errata but I haven't got time to go back and see who it was but I think there was more than one - Calling the OP's parenting skills into question is not helpful, not kind and I for one wish it would stop.

So why name me? Why call attention to me in the context of your post? I'm pretty sure I haven't called anyone's parenting skills into question per se.

pigpen

Errata wrote: »

So why name me? Why call attention to me in the context of your post? I'm pretty sure I haven't called anyone's parenting skills into question per se.

It looked to me liked it was because she agrees with you.. saying the situation may turn very bad with lots of parental pressure.. so you weren't being portrayed negatively. and the sentence you quoted was in genera to everyone whereas the bit before had been to help illustrate the point you made.

pelirocco

I had a friend at school ( many years ago lol ) who was the youngest of 3 girls . Her Elder sister fell pregnant and subsequently her parents , who were always Mrs Bucket like anyway , were very very strict on the younger 2 daughters . Did it make them into model children? , like hell it did , they put on a front that they were but behind their parents backs they were a complete nightmare .

I think luck plays a part tbh and those with young children , or even young teenagers , you really never know what they will throw at you next

Pollycat

pelirocco wrote: »

I had a friend at school ( many years ago lol ) who was the youngest of 3 girls . Her Elder sister fell pregnant and subsequently her parents , who were always Mrs Bucket like anyway , were very very strict on the younger 2 daughters . Did it make them into model children? , like hell it did , they put on a front that they were but behind their parents backs they were a complete nightmare .

I think luck plays a part tbh and those with young children , or even young teenagers , you really never know what they will throw at you next

A bit like Forest Gump and his box of chocolates?

Sorry, I just thought I'd lighten things up a bit.