Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

poet123

mum24boys wrote: »

Its starting to sound like 15yr old girls need to be treated a lot better and with more support than boys. I'm quite shocked actually at the low opinion of boys and men in general from so many people. It takes two to tango and two to make a baby but when it comes to pregnancy boys and there feelings go to the bottom of the pile and the young lady should be cosseted and supported all the way. Why are boys treated so unfairly?
What if the boy and his family do want to be involved. Would they not be entitled to have a say, or just the girl and her family. Should he have to fight through court at 15/16 to get visitation. Should he give up his education to work full time in McDonalds to pay the CSA.

After reading this iv given my lad a huge lecture about safe sex and contraception. I'm going to show him this thread then he can read for himself how he can expect to be treated if he should find himself in this situation.

Sorry OP not directed at you at all. Mine is a general comment.

I certainly don't have a low opinion of men, I married one and gave birth to four so it would be hard to think that way. However, I think there are two distinct areas for consideration here;
Should the male be involved in the decision on the outcome of a pregnancy?
Once made and the baby is born should he be involved forever?

We can then break those two areas down into types of relationship;
Were they/are they seriously involved?
Is it a casual one night stand thing?

My thoughts are in a serious relationship he should be fully involved in all aspects, but still the final decision should be down to the female.

In a casual relationship which had the chid not come into the equation would not have continued, he should only be involved as far as the female wishes him to be so in the decision whether to continue the pregnancy. If she goes ahead he should have access if he wishes, and he should contribute as required.

Men really are in a no win situation here, but that is the fault of nature. Simply put, if either sex make a mistake of this kind they both pay for it.....but in different ways, railing against it as the mother of sons won't change biology. We can only edcuate them and hope for the best, and deal with the worst if it occurs.

The bottom line is as the mother of sons I have no fear that either decision (termination or birth) would adversely affect their education or career prospects. If I was the mother of a daughter in that position those would be very real issues, along with many others.

Therefore, as the person least affected I feel it right that a male has the least input into the process. This is not because of a feeling of antipathy towards the male sex, more a sense of fairness to the female sex.

POPPYOSCAR

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Not really a semi parental role with them, she just loves her sisters and they love her and she's always tried to help out with them and around the house. Not something I asked/expected of her, they just love their big sister.

Yes my step daughter was like that.

She loved her baby sister as she previously only had brothers and she would ask me if she could feed, bath her etc. She would even take her into bed at night with her, she was like a second mum to her.

CheeseCat

balletshoes wrote: »

she's only 15 though - I didn't start socialising until I started work at 17.

Very true, I don't think you can judge her lifestyle by how she is now OP - after all she's not old enough to go out/drink.

I'm pretty sure at 15 I said i'd never drink alcohol :rotfl:

krisskross

Ames wrote: »

I have to disagree. I was disabled and housebound through most of my teenage years and I don't regret not going out, having 18th and 21st birthday parties etc. I did for a while, but now I'm 30 and think so what? They're not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. Although the one thing I still regret is that I wasn't able to have a relationship till I was in my 20s, and I still have hangups about that.



Education doesn't have to be done when you're a teenager. As I said, I was housebound through my teens. My GCSE's were affected, I got fairly average results instead of the ten A grades I'd been predicted. I did A levels as a mature student when I was 19, then tried to go to uni but had to give in due to health problems. I'm now 30 and applying to go to uni part time as a mature student. There's a huge emphasis now on lifelong learning, so please don't think that her academic aspirations are over if she has to take a couple of years out now. Obviously it's not ideal, but neither is it the end of the world. In fact, having spent a few years reading around my subject (politics and social policy) out of interest I think I'll have a better chance than 18 year olds with no life experience.

I know that it's different being disabled to having a child, but the opportunities out there are the same for lots of different circumstances.

You are only responsible for you. Not you AND a baby. You are able to make choices to suit just you without having to consider the welfare of someone totally dependent on you.

Your situation of not fulfilling your perceived potential because of your own ill health is totally different to that of a young teenager having a baby.

POPPYOSCAR

CheeseCat wrote: »

Very true, I don't think you can judge her lifestyle by how she is now OP - after all she's not old enough to go out/drink.

I'm pretty sure at 15 I said i'd never drink alcohol :rotfl:

Yes and I never was in the park drinking cider from the off licence with my friends -- honest!!!!!!

Plans_all_plans

I was just going to say that at 15 I was totally off the rails myself!!

poppyfield19

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes my step daughter was like that.

She loved her baby sister as she previously only had brothers and she would ask me if she could feed, bath her etc. She would even take her into bed at night with her, she was like a second mum to her.

Sounds just like her.

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

I certainly don't have a low opinion of men, I married one and gave birth to four so it would be hard to think that way. However, I think there are two distinct areas for consideration here;
Should the male be involved in the decision on the outcome of a pregnancy?
Once made and the baby is born should he be involved forever?

We can then break those two areas down into types of relationship;
Were they/are they seriously involved?
Is it a casual one night stand thing?

My thoughts are in a serious relationship he should be fully involved in all aspects, but still the final decision should be down to the female.

In a casual relationship which had the chid not come into the equation would not have continued, he should only be involved as far as the female wishes him to be so in the decision whether to continue the pregnancy. If she goes ahead he should have access if he wishes, and he should contribute as required.

Men really are in a no win situation here, but that is the fault of nature. Simply put, if either sex make a mistake of this kind they both pay for it.....but in different ways, railing against it as the mother of sons won't change biology. We can only edcuate them and hope for the best, and deal with the worst if it occurs.

The bottom line is as the mother of sons I have no fear that either decision (termination or birth) would adversely affect their education or career prospects. If I was the mother of a daughter in that position those would be very real issues, along with many others.

Therefore, as the person least affected I feel it right that a male has the least input into the process. This is not because of a feeling of antipathy towards the male sex, more a sense of fairness to the female sex.

Very well put Poet.

POPPYOSCAR

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Sounds just like her.

She was absolutely brilliant with her.

When my dad died her help was invaluable to me - she took care of her the whole day of the funeral-and she was only 13 at the time - but very capable all the same.

pigpen

At 15 I did all the household cleaning 90% of the washing cooked dinner usually 5 or 6 nights a week bathed my sisters took them to school put them to bed cleaned up their sick wiped their noses and @r$e$ and did pretty much run the house. I did the shopping and often took the money and paid the bills.

Having my own children was just more of the same it didn't make any difference. I wasn't ever 'drunk' until I was 34, I have never driven a car I have only ever been to a nightclub 3 times. I have never done karaoke, smoked, taken any kind of recreational drug or been abroad.

Time for that (some of it!) when the children are grown up.. I haven't missed it because I never really wanted to do it.. I'm not shy, I'm not quiet and I am definitely not unusual in this town.