Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Triker

poppyfield19 wrote: »

The youngest 2 seem fine at the moment. My daughter is doing the usual things with them, playing with them, getting their baths and getting them into bed and reading them stories, watching TV with them.

Hope you don't mind me saying but has your daughter taken on a caring semi parental role with your youngest. Its something you've mentioned a few times.

Frugalista

rachbc wrote: »

care 2 learn will pay for the baby to be looked after whilst mum is at school/ college so op won't have to look after it

I wasn't meaning childcare. What about nappies, formula, pram, cot, bedding, clothes, toiletries, equipment, etc, etc?? How does she intend to pay for all that (and more)?

POPPYOSCAR

mum24boys wrote: »

Its starting to sound like 15yr old girls need to be treated a lot better and with more support than boys. I'm quite shocked actually at the low opinion of boys and men in general from so many people. It takes two to tango and two to make a baby but when it comes to pregnancy boys and there feelings go to the bottom of the pile and the young lady should be cosseted and supported all the way. Why are boys treated so unfairly?
What if the boy and his family do want to be involved. Would they not be entitled to have a say, or just the girl and her family. Should he have to fight through court at 15/16 to get visitation. Should he give up his education to work full time in McDonalds to pay the CSA.

After reading this iv given my lad a huge lecture about safe sex and contraception. I'm going to show him this thread then he can read for himself how he can expect to be treated if he should find himself in this situation.

Sorry OP not directed at you at all. Mine is a general comment.

Mum24boys I get what you are saying, I really do but the reality is such that it is the way of things.

So given the scenario that the parents and the boy do not want to be involved what are you saying, that the girl should have a termination even if that is not want she wants?

Obviously if the girl decides to keep the baby if the father wants contact then he should most certainly have it and no I don't think he should have to give up his education but until he is earning he could help out in other ways, perhaps get a part-time job as many do and help out whenever he can.

Many fathers have to fight for access to their kids, not just teenagers.

poppyfield19

Triker wrote: »

Hope you don't mind me saying but has your daughter taken on a caring semi parental role with your youngest. Its something you've mentioned a few times.

Not really a semi parental role with them, she just loves her sisters and they love her and she's always tried to help out with them and around the house. Not something I asked/expected of her, they just love their big sister.

balletshoes

mum24boys wrote: »

Its starting to sound like 15yr old girls need to be treated a lot better and with more support than boys. I'm quite shocked actually at the low opinion of boys and men in general from so many people. It takes two to tango and two to make a baby but when it comes to pregnancy boys and there feelings go to the bottom of the pile and the young lady should be cosseted and supported all the way. Why are boys treated so unfairly?

What if the boy and his family do want to be involved. Would they not be entitled to have a say, or just the girl and her family.
yes, they should be entitled to have a say - but its the pregnant girl who should always have the final say.
Should he have to fight through court at 15/16 to get visitation.
if there are barriers put up by the girl if she decides she's keeping the baby, then yes, he should - just like every other parent without residency of the child who is faced with visitation barriers.
Should he give up his education to work full time in McDonalds to pay the CSA
- if there is a baby to support, and he's the Dad, yes he should be financially supporting the baby (my cousin has been there, done that, caused a lot of stress and heartache with his parents and present wife, but its absolutely right that he should financially support his child - he helped make it).

After reading this iv given my lad a huge lecture about safe sex and contraception. I'm going to show him this thread then he can read for himself how he can expect to be treated if he should find himself in this situation.

Sorry OP not directed at you at all. Mine is a general comment.

I'm not saying its fair, of course its not - but sometimes life is not fair. Looking at it from the view of a parent of a teenage almost-Dad of course I'd want to know, to help support my son in whatever the future held. But I would also, I hope, accept that the almost-Mum had the right to make the final decision about her pregnancy.

Person_one

mum24boys wrote: »

Iv been following this thread but have stayed quiet until now.

How many of you are mothers of sons. Iv got four boys and my eldest is 15. Its more than possible that the father is also a young lad.

I would be hopping mad at such a decision being made without mine or my sons input. Some on here don't really see that as important and are disregarding him. If it was my 15 yr old i would be extremely concerned. My eldest cant get out of bed in a morning for school never mind become a father and i think that his views and needs should be considered too.

Realistically, it doesn't matter what the father or the father's mother think. He gave up the right to have a say in any pregnancy related decision right after ejaculation, that's just a cold biological truth I'm afraid.

What on Earth gives anybody except the pregnant person the right to make decisions, or have any say or 'input' at all, over what happens to her body? What arrogance to think you have any control over another person's reproductive choices!

Plans_all_plans

mum24boys wrote: »

Its starting to sound like 15yr old girls need to be treated a lot better and with more support than boys. I'm quite shocked actually at the low opinion of boys and men in general from so many people. Why are boys treated so unfairly?

Well in my opinion, it is just one of the problems of abortion. As I disagree with it full stop, I do not feel that I am treating boys unfairly, as I don't believe in it for women either.

BUT, as it is a legal option for women in this country, the only fair way for it to work is if the woman - and only she - can decide. After all, she is the one who has to give birth and be the primary carer in the vast majority of cases.

If you want abortion to be legal in this country, then the man cannot have a say in the decision.

It's not a popular view, but if a man doesn't want children, then he should wait until he does before having sex. Conversely, if wants to support and look after a child then he should wait until he is sure that the woman he is with will have his child before sleeping with her. In my opinion, the same goes for women too. The reason I've ended up with a child is because I did not follow my own advice!

Triker

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Not really a semi parental role with them, she just loves her sisters and they love her and she's always tried to help out with them and around the house. Not something I asked/expected of her, they just love their big sister.

Your daughter seems to have a very caring nature about her, the only thing my then 15 year old wanted to do for her younger sister was chop her hair off, badly!:D

balletshoes

poppyfield19 wrote: »

The only thing I worry about her missing out on if she has the baby would be her education. She isn't into parties and all of that, I don't think she would look back and think she had missed out. She isn't a very social person.

I'm sure she would try and continue her education as well as the baby - but I know that that's going to be easier said than done, and I know it's not as simple as that. I'm not sure if there is any way of showing her just how hard it would be.

she's only 15 though - I didn't start socialising until I started work at 17.

could you borrow one of those realistic dolls from somewhere, get your daughter to look after it while still getting up at her normal school time etc and get her to keep a diary of how much time she actually gets to study while caring for the baby? If you had time to do that even for 3 or 4 days, she'd get an idea of how exhausting it is to try and have the baby and her education.

poppyfield19

Triker wrote: »

Your daughter seems to have a very caring nature about her, the only thing my then 15 year old wanted to do for her younger sister was chop her hair off, badly!:D

:eek:

She is very caring - but I would say that.