Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

With respect, that is not the life most mothers would want for their children, setting them up for a very limited expectation of what life holds.

Life experiences do not have to be negative, without those constraints you could have walked the Great Wall of China, gone to university, started your own business, etc etc, if you are never expected to do that, allowed to be open to the opportunity you will not realise what could have been. It is a form of conditioning. No offence.

I don't agree with you here.

Not everyone wants to walk the great Wall of China etc.

I had my children late in life and still did not do all those things.Did start my own business though but not until the age of 30.

Friends had children quite young and have done all sorts of exciting things with them.

Everyone wants different things out of life. I have a very intelligent and clever friend who I always thought would go on 'to do great things'
(quite what I don't know), but she surprised me by getting married and having children and is more than happy with her lot.

POPPYOSCAR

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Never done karaoke? You haven't lived PigPen! :eek:

OP, has your daughter come any closer to making a decision

Looks like that's two of us then PigPen!!!!!!

esmerelda98

poet123 wrote: »

With respect, that is not the life most mothers would want for their children, setting them up for a very limited expectation of what life holds.

Life experiences do not have to be negative, without those constraints you could have walked the Great Wall of China, gone to university, started your own business, etc etc, if you are never expected to do that, allowed to be open to the opportunity you will not realise what could have been. It is a form of conditioning. No offence.

Many young people from more deprived neighbourhoods, the people who tend to have teenage pregnancies do not have these aspirations anyway. There has been a lot of talk about teenage pregnancy blighting a person's life, but little consideration of the lives these girls would have lead anyway. I doubt the majority were seriously contemplating these sorts of life experiences you mention. The smaller minority of girls who were doing well academically before getting pregnant, I think they would have to adjust their plans but will still be able to do well.

poet123

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I don't agree with you here.

Not everyone wants to walk the great Wall of China etc.

I had my children late in life and still did not do all those things.Did start my own business though but not until the age of 30.

Friends had children quite young and have done all sorts of exciting things with them.

Everyone wants different things out of life. I have a very intelligent and clever friend who I always thought would go on 'to do great things'
(quite what I don't know), but she surprised me by getting married and having children and is more than happy with her lot.

My point was that it seemed to me that PP was saying that she had followed the life she had lived in childhood (which didn't sound much fun for a 15yr old to me) when she said having her own children was " more of the same" It did not sound like a positive choice, more a drifting into the same life because it was all she knew, or was allowed to know.

Choice only exists where there are alternatives.

pigpen

poet123 wrote: »

With respect, that is not the life most mothers would want for their children, setting them up for a very limited expectation of what life holds.

Life experiences do not have to be negative, without those constraints you could have walked the Great Wall of China, gone to university, started your own business, etc etc, if you are never expected to do that, allowed to be open to the opportunity you will not realise what could have been. It is a form of conditioning. No offence.

I could still do that stuff.. if I want to..

poet123 wrote: »

My point was that it seemed to me that PP was saying that she had followed the life she had lived in childhood (which didn't sound much fun for a 15yr old to me) when she said having her own children was " more of the same" It did not sound like a positive choice, more a drifting into the same life because it was all she knew, or was allowed to know.

Choice only exists where there are alternatives.

It wasn't much fun.. but I chose to have my children and I don't regret it.. my point was more if the daughter feels a sense of responsibility for the younger ones this might have been a choice she has made too.

there is no proof it was 'unplanned'..

Errata

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Hopefully so.
I think I keep forgetting, it hasn't even been a full week. :eek:

Do you mean you keep forgetting you haven't the foggiest idea who the father is? If so you're more laid back about the situation to be able to do that than I would be. I'd be tearing my hair out non-stop and my imagination would be permanently in overdrive.

thorsoak

Re the subject of the responsibility of teenage boys : my cleaning lady told my three sons that unless they could swim financially, they should always just paddle wearing their wellies !!

poet123

esmerelda98 wrote: »

Many young people from more deprived neighbourhoods, the people who tend to have teenage pregnancies do not have these aspirations anyway. There has been a lot of talk about teenage pregnancy blighting a person's life, but little consideration of the lives these girls would have lead anyway. I doubt the majority were seriously contemplating these sorts of life experiences you mention. The smaller minority of girls who were doing well academically before getting pregnant, I think they would have to adjust their plans but will still be able to do well.

I think that is a very valid point.

surfboard2

poppyfield19 wrote: »

The only thing I worry about her missing out on if she has the baby would be her education. She isn't into parties and all of that, I don't think she would look back and think she had missed out. She isn't a very social person.

I'm sure she would try and continue her education as well as the baby - but I know that that's going to be easier said than done, and I know it's not as simple as that. I'm not sure if there is any way of showing her just how hard it would be.

Like a previous poster has mentioned, i really do suggest you and your daughter both watch "16 and pregnant." However, i'm not too sure if it's still on TV anymore. I used to watch it on MTV. The BBC also did their own version a while back called "underage and pregnant." You may be able to find clips on you-tube?
I can PM you a link to watch these shows online if you like?

I really do think these shows broadcast the harsh reality of teenage pregnancy and you and your daughter may find it useful. They deal with many of the issues that you've mentioned (at least the ones that i've watched) such as, who will care for the baby once he/she is born, what happens in regards to education, how a new baby will affect the rest of the family, money issues, people gossiping at school, the involvement of the father of the baby (or lack of it) e.t.c

poet123

pigpen wrote: »

I could still do that stuff.. if I want to..



It wasn't much fun.. but I chose to have my children and I don't regret it.. my point was more if the daughter feels a sense of responsibility for the younger ones this might have been a choice she has made too.

there is no proof it was 'unplanned'..

My thoughts were that it was a reaction to her father leaving, a craving for male love and attention without realising the possible consequences. Who knows? we are all speculating, and really I am not sure whether that is helpful to the OP.

Although I have to agree with Errata, she seems remarkably sanguine about all the uncertainty. I simply couldn't be that way.