Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

mum24boys

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Mum24boys I get what you are saying, I really do but the reality is such that it is the way of things.

So given the scenario that the parents and the boy do not want to be involved what are you saying, that the girl should have a termination even if that is not want she wants?

Obviously if the girl decides to keep the baby if the father wants contact then he should most certainly have it and no I don't think he should have to give up his education but until he is earning he could help out in other ways, perhaps get a part-time job as many do and help out whenever he can.

Many fathers have to fight for access to their kids, not just teenagers.

No that not what i'm saying. I was a teen mum myself and i was single and i never had a termination. I did however let my ex be honest with me about what to do. Granted its a hard conversation to have and you may not hear what you want, i certainly did not but at least i knew.

What i'm saying is that my son and us his parents would want to be told and given the opportunity to be involved in the decision on what to do. Ultimately its down to the girl but surely he should be given the opportunity to have a say either way.

I am talking teenagers here once my son is 18 i'm no longer legally responsible for him, what he does is up to him but until then its up to us his parents to look after him and give him the correct information and help sort out the mess he may get himself into. I'm hoping i wont have too but it happened to me and his dad.

I don't like the idea of a major decision being made about my child and his future with no input from us his parents and him. Its wrong.

This thread has definitely given me food for thought though. we have another 3 ratbags to guide and steer through this minefield. We will make it though. (hopefully)

WelshBluebird

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

as I do not see what purpose it would serve to anybody.

It isn't about purpose. It is about what is right or wrong IMO.
A father has the right to know what happens to his (potential) baby.

rachbc wrote: »

Its his input thats caused the problem lol.

No it wasn't. It was BOTH their inputs that caused the problem.
The baby is as much her "fault" as it is his (unless she was forced).

Person_one

mum24boys wrote: »

No that not what i'm saying. I was a teen mum myself and i was single and i never had a termination. I did however let my ex be honest with me about what to do. Granted its a hard conversation to have and you may not hear what you want, i certainly did not but at least i knew.

What i'm saying is that my son and us his parents would want to be told and given the opportunity to be involved in the decision on what to do. Ultimately its down to the girl but surely he should be given the opportunity to have a say either way.

I am talking teenagers here once my son is 18 i'm no longer legally responsible for him, what he does is up to him but until then its up to us his parents to look after him and give him the correct information and help sort out the mess he may get himself into. I'm hoping i wont have too but it happened to me and his dad.

I don't like the idea of a major decision being made about my child and his future with no input from us his parents and him. Its wrong.

This thread has definitely given me food for thought though. we have another 3 ratbags to guide and steer through this minefield. We will make it though. (hopefully)

What input do you want? It doesn't come down to a vote, if enough people vote to abort she'll do that!

Person_one

WelshBluebird wrote: »

It isn't about purpose. It is about what is right or wrong IMO.
A father has the right to know what happens to his (potential) baby.



No it wasn't. It was BOTH their inputs that caused the problem.
The baby is as much her "fault" as it is his (unless she was forced).

If a pregnant woman aborts there is absolutely no legal or moral obligation to tell the father she was ever pregnant. Its confidential medical info, just like she doesn't need to tell anyone if she has her tonsils out or a hysterectomy.

Fathers don't have any rights, and certainly no ownership, regarding a baby until it is born and they either sign the birth certificate, marry the mother or take a DNA test.

mum24boys

poet123 wrote: »

I certainly don't have a low opinion of men, I married one and gave birth to four so it would be hard to think that way. However, I think there are two distinct areas for consideration here;
Should the male be involved in the decision on the outcome of a pregnancy?
Once made and the baby is born should he be involved forever?

We can then break those two areas down into types of relationship;
Were they/are they seriously involved?
Is it a casual one night stand thing?

My thoughts are in a serious relationship he should be fully involved in all aspects, but still the final decision should be down to the female.

In a casual relationship which had the chid not come into the equation would not have continued, he should only be involved as far as the female wishes him to be so in the decision whether to continue the pregnancy. If she goes ahead he should have access if he wishes, and he should contribute as required.

Men really are in a no win situation here, but that is the fault of nature. Simply put, if either sex make a mistake of this kind they both pay for it.....but in different ways, railing against it as the mother of sons won't change biology. We can only edcuate them and hope for the best, and deal with the worst if it occurs.

The bottom line is as the mother of sons I have no fear that either decision (termination or birth) would adversely affect their education or career prospects. If I was the mother of a daughter in that position those would be very real issues, along with many others.

Therefore, as the person least affected I feel it right that a male has the least input into the process. This is not because of a feeling of antipathy towards the male sex, more a sense of fairness to the female sex.

You have made some very good points.

POPPYOSCAR

Yes mum24boys I am grateful to this thread as well.

My DD is 15 next month and it has served as a timely reminder to have another conversation with her about this subject.

She has already told me that she isn't stupid and will not get pregnant(havn't all mums heard that one!!)

When I say I hope she isn't having sex she cringes(but don't they all!!)


Told my son now so many times I think he has stopped listening to me!!

Errata

I don't like the idea of a major decision being made about my child and his future with no input from us his parents and him. Its wrong.

I hope you explain all that to him, and also explain that if he wants to make decisions the first decision he should make is not to make babies until he can support them.

poet123

pigpen wrote: »

At 15 I did all the household cleaning 90% of the washing cooked dinner usually 5 or 6 nights a week bathed my sisters took them to school put them to bed cleaned up their sick wiped their noses and @r$e$ and did pretty much run the house. I did the shopping and often took the money and paid the bills.

Having my own children was just more of the same it didn't make any difference. I wasn't ever 'drunk' until I was 34, I have never driven a car I have only ever been to a nightclub 3 times. I have never done karaoke, smoked, taken any kind of recreational drug or been abroad.

Time for that (some of it!) when the children are grown up.. I haven't missed it because I never really wanted to do it.. I'm not shy, I'm not quiet and I am definitely not unusual in this town.

With respect, that is not the life most mothers would want for their children, setting them up for a very limited expectation of what life holds.

Life experiences do not have to be negative, without those constraints you could have walked the Great Wall of China, gone to university, started your own business, etc etc, if you are never expected to do that, allowed to be open to the opportunity you will not realise what could have been. It is a form of conditioning. No offence.

System

Never done karaoke? You haven't lived PigPen! :eek:

OP, has your daughter come any closer to making a decision

rachbc

poet123 wrote: »

With respect, that is not the life most mothers would want for their children, setting them up for a very limited expectation of what life holds.

Life experiences do not have to be negative, without those constraints you could have walked the Great Wall of China, gone to university, started your own business, etc etc, if you are never expected to do that, allowed to be open to the opportunity you will not realise what could have been. It is a form of conditioning. No offence.

Absolutely - and while loving and caring for your siblings is great this is the reason I would actively discourage my dd from taking on this surrogate parenting role for siblings. Saying that when we were 15 we did 'borrow' my bf's 2 year old sister as we always got served alcohol in the supermarket when she was with us :rotfl:!!