Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

POPPYOSCAR

pigpen wrote: »

I wouldn't tell anybody.. probably not even my mother!.. and she would actively encourage a termination!

If not in a relationship I probably wouldn't tell the father either.

Especially not my mother as she would never have spoken to me again ......... there again on second thoughts!!!!!!!!!!

POPPYOSCAR

poppyfield19 wrote: »

It's been less than a week since she told me about the pregnancy, she isn't being rude or disrespectful on purpose I'm sure, and hopefully she will trust me with that information when she feels able to. It took her a month to tell me she was pregnant, so in time I'm sure she will feel able to tell me.

I agree with you.

I am sure as you keep talking and cementing her trust in you she will open up very soon.

poppyfield19

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree with you.

I am sure as you keep talking and cementing her trust in you she will open up very soon.

Hopefully so.
I think I keep forgetting, it hasn't even been a full week. :eek:

Errata

balletshoes wrote: »

but the thing is in that scenario, is that whether you as a potential grandparent are consulted or not, the situation would still be the same - your son would still be a parent (and I do agree with others who have said that if a teenager of either sex doesn't want to be a parent, keep it zipped up or protected), and would still need support.
I do agree it would be best if everyone were consulted and informed, but I honestly don't think it should have a major bearing on what decision the pregnant young lady makes for herself.

Consulted, no. Informed, yes. Informed that they will be required to support their child to the tune of 20% of their pay for the following 18 years.

POPPYOSCAR

Errata wrote: »

Consulted, no. Informed, yes. Informed that they will be required to support their child to the tune of 20% of their pay for the following 18 years.

You would think that would be enough of a contraceptive in itself, wouldn't you!!

pigpen

Errata wrote: »

Consulted, no. Informed, yes. Informed that they will be required to support their child to the tune of 20% of their pay for the following 18 years.

They don't all pay.. if the mum chooses not to apply for anything he'll not pay a bean

poet123

I have four sons and they have all had the "talk" re responsibility, but ultimately, if they got someone pregnant I don't believe that they should have input unless they are are in a stable relationship.

If it is a casual thing the likelihood is that if they broke up the girl would become the main carer for the child. Under those circumstances (leaving financial issues aside because they should certainly contribute) it is she who would have her life most affected. Therefore, despite having sons I think it is the female who should make the decision, with or without the male knowing, as she sees fit.

rachbc

mum24boys wrote: »

Of course he should have an input. The lads parents should have an input. Im sure if someone rocked up to your house informed you that your son had got their daughter pregnant, the decision was made to keep the baby and then tell you how much they expect you to pay towards it would change your mind. What exactly are you trying to say. Boys don't need help and support. You are effectively forcing the boy into being a father and as a parent i would want to be fully consulted in this.

Its his input thats caused the problem lol. If he is going to take an active role as a dad there is support available and of course he should access it. He's not being forced to be a dad - he made the decision to possibly become one when he didn't keep it zipped up or covered up. Its very clear from case law that dads have no legal right to decide on the course of action - and I feel this is right and proper.

peachyprice

victoria_p wrote: »

I was always pro-choice, still am really but without going into detail I know the effects of an abortion has for years after, everyone is different and everyone goes through different experiences. The after effect is ultimately the stages of grief and no matter how much relief after you feel she will need counselling. There is major guilt to feel after, your heart just breaks. 2 years of dreaming of a baby crying is heartbreaking and I never, ever want anyone to know what that is like.

Please, that is only your experience you cannot say that anyone will feel anything, or that they will be heartbroken or that there is
grief or that they will need counselling.

Thousands, infact I wouldn't mind betting it's the majority, of women go through abortions without the emotional journey, just because it happened to you doesn't mean it will happen to others.

anguk

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree with you.

I am sure as you keep talking and cementing her trust in you she will open up very soon.

But surely the trust should go both ways?

From the OP's description her daughter is a very quiet girl who hardly goes out, only to her friends (and she's dropped off there) or to reading club or school. Yet the fact remains that she's pregnant so that means at some point she has deceived her mum and hasn't been honest.

The Op knows absolutely nothing about the father, was the sex consensual, does the lad put it about and the girl need testing for STDs etc?

I can understand that the mother wants to tread carefully and give it time but the daughter should be very grateful to have two understanding, supportive and laid-back parents. They haven't voiced their anger or disappointment, they've only shown love and support so I think the time has come for the daughter to start being honest with her parents in return.

It seems very likely that the girl is going to continue with her pregnancy and even if she does hide away and is home-schooled it will at some point become common knowledge that she's pregnant and it will get back to the father. Far better for the girl and her parents to be prepared for that.