Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

POPPYOSCAR

mum24boys wrote: »

I understand that completely but to suggest that he and his parents should not be involved in the decision making process is ludicrous. All anybody wants is to protect their child all party's should be able to sort this between themselves as the best course of action. If they are old enough to be having sex then they should be old enough to take the flak that comes with it. I'm not saying that if they want a termination then she should have one but to be consulted is a must. I cant believe that anybody would think that treating a potential 15yr old boy in this way is good. I have regular chats with my son about this and he knows where he stands and the options he would have. I.e. None. He is a child himself (potentially).
I really hope this is not a position i find myself in. I would still want to be consulted if i was to become a granny.

Yes I too would be devastated and would like to be consulted but I am realistic enough to accept that in all reality I would not.

Plans_all_plans

I don't think that the father's family being consulted in the decision making process would be a good idea personally. I think there is too much scope for undue influence being put on the girl one way or another.

If I had a son who got his g/f pregnant at 15, I would want her to keep the child. If she didn't I would be upset. I would not be a good person to come to and speak about the options, because I couldn't be unbiased. Just as a family who would want the girl to abort so their son could carry on footloose and fancy free couldn't be objective either.

As much as I disagree with abortion, I do believe that as it is legal in this country, the ONLY person who should get a say is the pregnant woman.

WelshBluebird

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I don't think that the father's family being consulted in the decision making process would be a good idea personally. I think there is too much scope for undue influence being put on the girl one way or another.

But surely he should at least know?
Personally, if I got my gf pregnant and she got an abortion behind my back I would be totally furious. Not because I am against abortions or that I want a child (I am not against them, and I do not want a child), but because it is the fathers "baby" as much as it is the mothers and he has every right to at least know.

pinkfluffythings

I have been reading this thread from the start but didn't comment.

A lot of people seem to have very strong feeling about one thing or another but you have to remember that this wee girl is in absolute turmoil, her head is all over the place and she is faced with the worst possible thing anyone should have to decide.


I was always pro-choice, still am really but without going into detail I know the effects of an abortion has for years after, everyone is different and everyone goes through different experiences. The after effect is ultimately the stages of grief and no matter how much relief after you feel she will need counselling. There is major guilt to feel after, your heart just breaks. 2 years of dreaming of a baby crying is heartbreaking and I never, ever want anyone to know what that is like.

No matter what she chooses to do I am so glad she has such a loving Mummy to look after her.

If it was my daughter, with my own experiences of termination I would still never sway her in either direction. Both are going to be hard. If I could go back and decide again then thing in my life would be very different.

Thinking about you xx

POPPYOSCAR

WelshBluebird wrote: »

But surely he should at least know?
Personally, if I got my gf pregnant and she got an abortion behind my back I would be totally furious. Not because I am against abortions or that I want a child (I am not against them, and I do not want a child), but because it is the fathers "baby" as much as it is the mothers and he has every right to at least know.

I agree it is a very difficult subject but the bottom line is it is the women that has to carry the baby and give birth or have a termination so ultimately is her decision and no one elses.

Gavin83

I have some fairly strong opinions on a potential fathers decision making rights before the birth but I don't think this is the topic for it.

However if the OP's daughter does decide to keep the baby I think she and the OP have to be aware that they are unlikely to have the physical or financial support of the father. Can she cope with that?

thorsoak

From what Poppyfields has told us, there would appear to be no "relationship" between her daughter and whomsoever it is who impregnated her - therefore how can his family be consulted? Why add complications to the deliberations at this particular time?

The girl has very little time left in which to make up her mind as to whether or not she has a termination - a little more time to decide whether she has the baby & gives it up for adoption or brings it up herself with support from her family. As somebody (sorry can't remember who) said - the fact that the girl "didn't think she was as far along as 14 weeks" would indicate that sex has happened more than once - and - thankfully in my opinion, rules out an attack on the girl.

However, she does have to face facts soon - its not going to go away just because she doesn't want to talk about it - any day now she will feel the baby's movements - and that will bring the facts home with a vengeance.

Poppyfields - how would you manage financially - would your daughter be able to be financially responsible, do you think? If you are at work full-time, how would she cope, being at home with a small baby and trying to continue her education?

You say she is a good support to you with your younger daughters - this will change of course once a baby is on the scene - for the better or worse? If necessary, would your eldest daughter be able to stay with her father?

Just throwing a few more random thoughts into the pot! I realise that you must be looking at her and wanting to protect her from everything that is likely to happen to her - I know I would - but, sadly, she is the one who will now have to learn to stand on her own feet.

Oldernotwiser

WelshBluebird wrote: »

The reasoning for the law maybe linked, but:
1 - It has no relevance at all to the thread
2 - Anyway can see the huge difference between child prostitution and a 15 year old willingly having sex with someone of a similar age. They are nothing at all alike.

Let's leave it - you don't understand what I'm saying and I haven't got the energy to explain it to you.

WelshBluebird

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree it is a very difficult subject but the bottom line is it is the women that has to carry the baby and give birth or have a termination so ultimately is her decision and no one elses.

I am not disagreeing that its her choice. Just that in my opinion the father should know. Not influence her. Just know.

As I said, if I got my gf pregnant then I would support her no matter if she wanted the baby or if she wanted an abortion. My personal feelings would not come into the decision of me supporting whatever choice she made. However, if she went behind my back and got an abortion without me even knowing (hell, in the case of this thread, without me even knowing she was pregnant), if I found out I would be totally furious.

POPPYOSCAR

WelshBluebird wrote: »

I am not disagreeing that its her choice. Just that in my opinion the father should know. Not influence her. Just know.

As I said, if I got my gf pregnant then I would support her no matter if she wanted the baby or if she wanted an abortion. My personal feelings would not come into the decision of me supporting whatever choice she made. However, if she went behind my back and got an abortion without me even knowing (hell, in the case of this thread, without me even knowing she was pregnant), if I found out I would be totally furious.

Would you feel the same way with a one night stand?