Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

POPPYOSCAR

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Pimento, if a man doesn't want to be a father, the only 100% foolproof way of not becoming one is abstinence. If he's not abstaining, then a baby is a real possibility!

Quite agree.
I have told my teenage son that if he is having sex(and I know that he is) he will, if his girlfriend gets pregnant, have to face the consequences if she decides to keep it as he will have no say in the matter.

Plans_all_plans

Pennylane: Yes the doctor has confirmed the pregnancy.

While I see your point of view, it is not up to the mother whether the girl continues with the baby or not. It is entirely down to her and what the mother wants doesn't come into it.

Of course she can tell her daughter what help she can and can't provide for her, but turning it into something all about the mother won't be helpful.

Ames

viktory wrote: »

I am not in the least bit surprised that the OP's daughter will be keeping the child; at this stage it is the easy decision to make as it requires no action. Again, I see Poppy mention her daughter continuing her schooling at home. I do hope that this will be possible; it strikes me that decisions are being taken without all the facts on the why and how.

I am really saddened by this thread; Welshdebtor said that one young Mum said she didn't regret missing out on going out when you turned 18, turned 21, and doing all those things young girls do - there are plenty that do. Later in life, when true maturity has arrived you realise what you have lost and it is too late to change it. There are still opportunities for very young Mum's but it is so much harder to take those opportunities and some things are lost forever. Of course no one regrets having their child young once that gorgeous, bouncing baby has arrived; but it takes courage and honesty to say 'You know what? I love my child, but boy, do I wish I had done things differently" I see so many young girls taking this decision without being fully aware of the implications of their decision - how can they know; they are still children themselves. Despite all their bluff and bravado they rely on the adults - their parents to steer them in the right direction and to help them make truly informed decisions - hard headed decisions, not those based entirely on emotion.

Poppy, I wish you and your daughter all the best. I really hope everything works out well for the whole family.

I have to disagree. I was disabled and housebound through most of my teenage years and I don't regret not going out, having 18th and 21st birthday parties etc. I did for a while, but now I'm 30 and think so what? They're not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. Although the one thing I still regret is that I wasn't able to have a relationship till I was in my 20s, and I still have hangups about that.

poppyfield19 wrote: »

I don't think things like partying, drinking, birthdays are things she will miss. But her education - it's always been important to her.
I'm sure she will try her best with it, but she has an important year ahead, then she has to sit her exams.
That's really worrying for me.

Education doesn't have to be done when you're a teenager. As I said, I was housebound through my teens. My GCSE's were affected, I got fairly average results instead of the ten A grades I'd been predicted. I did A levels as a mature student when I was 19, then tried to go to uni but had to give in due to health problems. I'm now 30 and applying to go to uni part time as a mature student. There's a huge emphasis now on lifelong learning, so please don't think that her academic aspirations are over if she has to take a couple of years out now. Obviously it's not ideal, but neither is it the end of the world. In fact, having spent a few years reading around my subject (politics and social policy) out of interest I think I'll have a better chance than 18 year olds with no life experience.

I know that it's different being disabled to having a child, but the opportunities out there are the same for lots of different circumstances.

POPPYOSCAR

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Just read all of your posts since earlier this morning - again thank you for all of your posts. All are really appreciated.

Thats quite a bit of catching up to do!!

How are you both today?

poppyfield19

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Thats quite a bit of catching up to do!!

How are you both today?

She is going to the one to one session tomorrow morning, hopefully that will help. Nothing much else today, just more talking. Thanks for asking.

Rikki

Errata wrote: »

I suspect the daughter saying she's not too sure about talking things through with someone experienced in teenage pregnancy is because not doing so means she doesn't have to take any action. Doing so means she has to take action. This seems to echo not taking any action until she was forced to tell her mum, not taking any action to tell the father, not taking any action to tell her own father, not taking any action to tell her close friend(s), not taking any action to obtain medical advice.
With this in mind, I suspect she will shy away from a termination as that would require her to take some action, whilst continuing with the pregnancy requires no action on her part.

Very well put.

The op will have to step up as the parent and take the daughter to the meetings. The daughter needs to hear unbiased views on all her options from people who are not too close to the problem.

The problem will not go away but the choices will.

Plans_all_plans

Poppyfield: Has she ever spoken to you previously about her opinions pro/anti abortion? For instance if they've spoken about it in school in RS or Ethics?

Has she ever said anything to you before about her opinions on teenage mothers? Maybe after seeing anything on the TV or whatever?

Do you have a gut feeling on which way she's leaning?

poppyfield19

She is going to the sessions.

She didn't not want to go as such, she just wasn't sure how she would get on because of how shy she is.

But hopefully they'll help.

Oldernotwiser

WelshBluebird wrote: »

What a stupid comment to make.
A 15 year old willingly having sex with her 16 year old boyfriend is a million miles away from child prostitution and the like.
.

As I explained in the post you quoted, child prostitution and the introduction of the age of consent are inextricably linked. I'm sorry you didn't read (or understand?) the reference I gave for this.

poppyfield19

I think she's leaning towards keeping the baby.

She's not said a great deal about those kind of things before, so hard to say really.