Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

the_cat

KxMx wrote: »

You don't know OP's daughter; she is the only one capable of deciding how mature she is. 15 does not automatically qualify you as a child. For some maybe but not all.

The trouble is the average teenager thinks that they know pretty much everything, they are completely grown up and that their parents are out of touch idiots with no clue!

Which just goes to show exactly how immature they really are

Maybe this teen is different. The percentage chance though would suggest not. The fact that she finds herself in this unfortunate predicament does little to prove otherwise.

Gillyx

Surely being a good parent is about willingness to adapt and the understanding how your life will change?

I know of people who are young parents and are extremely successful both with parenting and there careers. Parents who are at uni, and work, yes it's a heavy workload, but I don't think just because you're working hard with the career aspect of your life you can't be a good parent. Infact one of the best parents I know is at uni, has a part time job, and the time she spends with her girls is of the highest quality. It's about sacrifice, does she know what's going on in Eastenders, no because she has no time to sit on her bum and watch tv. Similarly with nights out etc, she doesn't go out much but she still has a social life, we'l go round and visit her at night, take the girls to the park, to soft play, out for lunch etc.

Imo she is a better mother than mines ever was, who people would say was in a "perfect" position to have a child. I have literally no relationship with mines because when I was growing up my mum didn't want to adapt her life to fit a child in, whatever she wanted to do I was dragged along, and then shouted at and dragged home, if I happened to moan or whinge. I am aware that as a child you do what your parents want/need to be done, but you can't expect to have children and your life not to change at all.

If you can adapt, and sort out priorities whatever age you are, I think you'd be a good parent.

esmerelda98

KxMx wrote: »

Obviously there are exceptions to the norm, there are medical reasons etc, I myself started at 11.

But a 15 year old is quite capable in my view. A few exceptions doesn't discount what is normal for the majority.

You can disagree if you like, but nature has a way of doing things we just don't/ can't understand.

I'd be interested to find out when some on here would consider a girl/ boy goes from a child to a young adult? Forever? 30? Does it happen overnight or is it different for everybody hmmm like I was saying earlier?

The body may be ready, that doesn't mean the mind is. Puberty is starting quite early these days. Ten is not uncommon. I had my first period two months after my 8th birthday. Extensive medical investigations did not find anything untoward. My sisters started at nine. I believe a fifteen year old could bring up a child reasonably well, though with difficulty and a lot of help, but only if it was something she was mentally prepared for. For example in a society where young motherhood is expected and young people take on a lot of responsibilities from an early age. In the U.K. teenagers are definitely child-like where responsibility is concerned. However sex isn't considered an adult activity. There is a tension there. I just wish people would use contraception, abortion was never intended to be a form of contraception.

midnightraven3

a 15 year old has no life skills, they havent lived life, they havent even matured
motherhood is the hardest job in the world, for a grown adult, i was in my 20s when i became pregnat with our 1st, looking back, like many others, i wish i had waited, not fo rmy sake, for my childrens

Amanda65

mum24boys wrote: »

Iv been following this thread but have stayed quiet until now.

How many of you are mothers of sons. Iv got four boys and my eldest is 15. Its more than possible that the father is also a young lad.

I would be hopping mad at such a decision being made without mine or my sons input. Some on here don't really see that as important and are disregarding him. If it was my 15 yr old i would be extremely concerned. My eldest cant get out of bed in a morning for school never mind become a father and i think that his views and needs should be considered too. The lad will need some support too and seems to be vilified and blamed. It would probably help if he knew.

The OP daughter needs to get a grip really and realise this does not just effect her but effects a whole other family out there and they should have input on the situation.

How many of you with sons would be happy at being the last to know, when the decision has been made about your boy, which will impact hugely on his life forever.

I was also a teen mum (19) and completely agree with Viktory. I missed out on so much. I found being a single teen mum frighting, isolating and in hindsight would never do it again.
OP of course your daughter will want to go out clubbing and partying when she is old enough. All her friends will be and she wont want to be left out. Its not the same when your older.
I think you are !!!!! footing around her for some reason instead of dealing with the issues. You need to know who the father is so he and his family can be told asap. Stroppy refusals to name him need to be dealt with, this is not a game, its a complete mess and if she chooses to continue with her pregnancy then you need to reinforce to her that this behaviour cannot continue. Time to grow up and face the reality of what is actually happening.

My sister had a baby at 16. She now has 5 kids by 4 different men and lives on benefits. She is 33 now and her life is down the toilet. She has made bad choice after bad choice and blames it all on her kids and wishes half the time she never had them. She also takes no responsibility for her own life which is probably the reason its so carp. She wont change now even though she knows the affect her lifestyle is having on her eldest. She does not seem to care much. Its such a shame.

I have two daughters and one son (aged 15 funnily enough!) and I can remember talking to a friend a few years ago about the girls and saying how as a mother of girls you had to deal with the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy. She quite rightly pointed out that my son was at the mercy of any choice a pregnant girl and her family made, whereas as the mother of the daughter I could at least have some input into the decision (and before I get flamed I am assuming that it takes two to tango and therefore, if consensual, they have equal responsibility for the situation). Very wise words that I have always remembered and as my DS is 15 and has a girlfriend, something I have (on several occasions and much to his embarrasment) spoken to him about.

Errata

esmerelda98 wrote: »

I just wish people would use contraception, abortion was never intended to be a form of contraception.

Abortion has been used by women worldwide as a form of contraception for millenia. There are many ancient Egyptian, Greek and Roman recipes for abortifacients.

Dasa

You do whatever is best for you and your own.All this pontificating is a load of old waffle.Good luck to you.

Fly_Baby

Amanda65 wrote: »

I have two daughters and one son (aged 15 funnily enough!) and I can remember talking to a friend a few years ago about the girls and saying how as a mother of girls you had to deal with the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy. She quite rightly pointed out that my son was at the mercy of any choice a pregnant girl and her family made, whereas as the mother of the daughter I could at least have some input into the decision (and before I get flamed I am assuming that it takes two to tango and therefore, if consensual, they have equal responsibility for the situation). Very wise words that I have always remembered and as my DS is 15 and has a girlfriend, something I have (on several occasions and much to his embarrasment) spoken to him about.

Are there 15-year old boys who genuinely want to have a baby with their girlfriends, let alone have any realistic idea of what it takes to be a proper father? What makes it so valuable to be able to have an input?

Really don't mean it to sound harsh and unsensitive. Just, as a mother of a boy, I was a bit puzzled by your post.

WelshBluebird

esmerelda98 wrote: »

I just wish people would use contraception

In this case, you do not know if they did or not.
Contraception is not 100% effective. Even if you use two methods.

poppyfield19

Just read all of your posts since earlier this morning - again thank you for all of your posts. All are really appreciated.