Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Cerisa

I do think it's irresponsible to have a baby when you don't want one. You had your baby because your beliefs dictated against an abortion - not because you were excited, or ready, or really wanted it.

I'm sure you're a wonderful mother, but not all mothers of unwanted children grow to love said children. There are too many unwanted children as it is.

mrs_marty

Your daughter seems to be slowly reaching a decision and I hope by the weekend reaches one either way. You are doing so well with being patient!

I have to say I agree with others, when they say about not pulling her out of school; Reason being that depending on which subjects she is taking she will need access to labs etc. That and your own knowledge may not be adequate. (please do not take this as slight on your education) My step daughter leaves to go to uni this year and when she asked for help it was a struggle - advanced higher maths in particular! You could always look at tutors but with a baby in house it may be an added expense and stress you could ill afford. Have you spoken to the school about there pregnant pupil policy?

poet123

Cerisa wrote: »

"men and women are not equally responsible for a pregnancy."

Yes they bloody are. :mad:

Or at least they bloody should be. I don't want a return to shotgun marriages and single mothers in convents but for goodness sake, men should take responsibility for what comes out of their penis. It shouldn't be so easy for a man to walk away - but people like you make it easier by putting all the onus on a woman.

And there's a world away from knowing contraception exists and confronting the social stigma around it to go and get some.

We don't live in Utopia, in a perfect world you are correct, and we should strive to equalise the burden of responsibility by educating our sons but, and it is a big but, until then girls need to know that ultimately the buck stops with them. They are the ones who will bear the physical and emotional consequences, so they need to take personal responsibility.

I disagree there is much stigma left in obtaining contraception. That is not my experience with teens and young adults, in the main they are very upfront and unembarrassed about it.

balletshoes wrote: »

I don't put all the onus on a woman, biology does - its the woman who gets pregnant, not the man! And you're absolutely right, it shouldn't be easy for the man to walk away - but the fact they don't have the pregnancy and the birth to go through, means they can walk away. The woman can't.

Exactly, we have to plan for what is reality, not what we would like it to be.

Cerisa wrote: »

"If you want total equality you would have to make it illegal for a woman to abort a child or give birth to a child without the fathers consent."

That isn't equality! Choice is a responsibility and a right. Women should have autonomy over their own bodies - and men should feel a moral responsibility to provide for their children.

At the moment we have neither - a woman still needs the permission of a doctor to get an abortion, and may soon be forced to submit to biased pro-life counselling to get one.

Also most abortions are a consequence of poverty - the fact that many men do not feel a repsonsibility to provide for their children is another factor that denies women the choice whether or not to continue a pregnancy.

Are they?

Choice is a responsibility and a right, a personal one, and happy as we might be to share it, in the final analysis in this type of situation we need to recognise who has the most to lose, and act accordingly.

fairydiamond

I wonder what the young lady would say if she saw this thread! eek!

Person_one

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

And on the other hand, 50% of teen pregnancies must end in a live birth if your stats are right, so having the baby is also very viable, common and nothing out of the ordinary.

Actually, it will be less than 50%. Miscarriage is very common, around 10-20% of pregnancies end that way, and those are just the ones we know about.

sassyblue

noodles86 wrote: »

I have to agree with viktory and moomoomama27. I had my daughter 3 days before my 20th birthday and if I had the chance to go back, I would have a termination. Even at 19 I was young and stupid and to some degree, still am but thought I knew it all! I do the best I can with my daughter but feel that I am a rubbish parent and wish I would have waited until I was older and married before I had children. My education suffered and I never finished my degree it was really hard studying with a toddler. I feel my parenting style is like feeling for a light switch in the dark and I feel very sorry for my daughter. Just posting so that you have a balanced view, may be worth letting your daughter look at the mixed experiences?

Hey honey, ALL mums feel like that at times- even me and l struggled for 7 years to get my son at the (married) age of 38!! You are NOT a rubbish mum if your child is loved, fed and warm - you're doing fine.

Everything else will come in time, your daughter will be at school and there'll be time for you to finish your degree.

rachbc

Most abortions aren't a consquence of poverty - in fact 'middle class' girls are more likley to have abortions that lower class ones

Person_one

rachbc wrote: »

Most abortions aren't a consquence of poverty - in fact 'middle class' girls are more likley to have abortions that lower class ones

That confused me too, I thought most abortions were a consequence of not wanting to be pregnant anymore!

From personal experiences, its girls who have been raised with lower aspirations/ambitions who seem to keep their babies. For some girls, motherhood is the only role they feel they can be successful at. Its very sad really.

shop-to-drop

One thing not mentioned and concerning me is the role of Dad in this. OP says he is being and will be supportive etc and also that she has not seen very much of him since he left. I wonder how this will influence her she will no doubt be happy to have dads attention and support and feel that he will play more of a role again in the family if she continues with the pregnancy. For dad it will be his chance to make good after walking out of the family and defer attention away from his leaving in the family. I do wonder if he was still at home and therefore would be more directly affected both financially and practically by his daughters pregnancy whether he would still be so supportive of her continuing with the pregnancy. |

I do think your daughter needs to get practical impartial advice and counselling without delay.

Plans_all_plans

I think rachbc is right: middle class girls are more likely to obtain abortions I feel.

There were no young mums in my circle of friends at university and I was the first of my friends that I know to have ever been pregnant (I think 2 of my friends may have had abortions, but they've never told me)

That being said, one of my firends from my (private and therefore middle class school) had a child in year 10 and another from my year fell pregnant at 19 while at a good uni. She had the baby, completed her degree after deferring a year and now has a good job. There were also 2 mums at my uni who I would see in the library studying with their babies.

I know that having a child young will make it hard to finish one's education, fulfil potential etc. BUT, with ambition, determination and support it can be done.