Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Cerisa

"I think it has to be impressed upon girls even more than boys, the consequences of unprotected sex."

Thus re-inforcing to both sexes that it's the girl's fault if she gets knocked up.

bestpud

If we are going to compare this pregnancy with a tsunami, then clearly it is not a major disaster.

If we are going to look at the impact on this child and her family, then IMHO, it is a major disaster for them!

People overcome major disasters such as tsunamis, but few would say it has made their life better. The majority would argue they survived but their lives were turned upside down.

This girl will never be the same again, whether or not she keeps the baby, but it's a fact her life will be completely different if she goes on to have it. Plus, her immediate family will be affected for a long time.

Making the best of a bad job does not mean it wasn't a disaster in the
first place!

In the grand scheme of things, there is worse that could happen, but there is far more good things that could happen to her!! If we put it on a scale, this has to be pretty close to the bottom!

It's a sad fact that children from low aspiring families are more likely to become young mums and, if she goes to a unit for teen mums, she will be mixing with girls who simply couldn't give a damn about education.
Many will go straight on to have another!

There us always success stories but people also tend to grow rose tinted specs as time goes on. Don't we all forget how darn difficult it can be in those first years?

I will be shot down in flames for this, but I would steer my child towards a termination. I wouldn't be forceful, don't get me wrong, but I'd do nothing to encourage her to keep the baby.

balletshoes

Cerisa wrote: »

"men and women are not equally responsible for a pregnancy."

Yes they bloody are. :mad:

Or at least they bloody should be. I don't want a return to shotgun marriages and single mothers in convents but for goodness sake, men should take responsibility for what comes out of their penis. It shouldn't be so easy for a man to walk away - but people like you make it easier by putting all the onus on a woman.

And there's a world away from knowing contraception exists and confronting the social stigma around it to go and get some.

I don't put all the onus on a woman, biology does - its the woman who gets pregnant, not the man! And you're absolutely right, it shouldn't be easy for the man to walk away - but the fact they don't have the pregnancy and the birth to go through, means they can walk away. The woman can't.

peachyprice

Cerisa wrote: »

"men and women are not equally responsible for a pregnancy."

Yes they bloody are. :mad:

Or at least they bloody should be. I don't want a return to shotgun marriages and single mothers in convents but for goodness sake, men should take responsibility for what comes out of their penis. It shouldn't be so easy for a man to walk away - but people like you make it easier by putting all the onus on a woman.

And there's a world away from knowing contraception exists and confronting the social stigma around it to go and get some.

If you want total equality you would have to make it illegal for a woman to abort a child or give birth to a child without the fathers consent.

Responsilbility is biased towards the woman because the woman has 100% control, that's not someting I would want to relinquish, would you?

janninew

Dawning wrote: »

One thing that is irritating me on this thread is reading about 'getting herself into trouble' and how it is 'her ' mistake. It took TWO of them to create this 'mistake', let's stop blaming girls all the time and realise that boys are just as responsible for making sure that a baby isn't conceived! And in this case, since we have no idea about who the father is, it could actually be an adult...What about HIS mistake?

of course there are plenty of men out there who believe that actually preventing conception is none of their problem because they're not the ones who get pregnant.

True it did take two to make a baby, but as my Mum taught me and my sister, you can only really rely on yourself as a women to try to prevent pregnancy. The man can't get pregnant, doesn't have to go through with either an abortion or labour and can just walk away, the women can't Its great if the man (or boy) does take half the responsibility obviously and in a perfect world they always would,

mountainofdebt

balletshoes wrote: »

I don't put all the onus on a woman, biology does - its the woman who gets pregnant, not the man! And you're absolutely right, it shouldn't be easy for the man to walk away - but the fact they don't have the pregnancy and the birth to go through, means they can walk away. The woman can't.

In fairness, in this case, the man hasn't had a chance to walk away

Errata

bestpud wrote: »

I will be shot down in flames for this, but I would steer my child towards a termination. I wouldn't be forceful, don't get me wrong, but I'd do nothing to encourage her to keep the baby.

Not by me you won't. 50% of teenage pregnancies end in a termination, so that option is very viable, common, nothing out of the ordinary.

Cerisa

"If you want total equality you would have to make it illegal for a woman to abort a child or give birth to a child without the fathers consent."

That isn't equality! Choice is a responsibility and a right. Women should have autonomy over their own bodies - and men should feel a moral responsibility to provide for their children.

At the moment we have neither - a woman still needs the permission of a doctor to get an abortion, and may soon be forced to submit to biased pro-life counselling to get one.

Also most abortions are a consequence of poverty - the fact that many men do not feel a repsonsibility to provide for their children is another factor that denies women the choice whether or not to continue a pregnancy.

esmerelda98

Cerisa wrote: »

"men and women are not equally responsible for a pregnancy."

Yes they bloody are. :mad:

Or at least they bloody should be. I don't want a return to shotgun marriages and single mothers in convents but for goodness sake, men should take responsibility for what comes out of their penis. It shouldn't be so easy for a man to walk away - but people like you make it easier by putting all the onus on a woman.

And there's a world away from knowing contraception exists and confronting the social stigma around it to go and get some.

They should be, but they aren't. Educating men to take precautions to prevent pregnancy and STIs is a good idea but only women without common sense have sex without protecting themselves from both. I'm being polite. If you want to have sex, women have your precautions in place. I think it is totally down to a woman to protect her body and any other attitude is being negligent to yourself. I think this thread just demonstrates why it is good for teens to delay age of first intercourse. The main reason for teenage pregnancy is not a lack of sex education but apathy in teenagers regarding contraceptive use. The primary form of contraception in that age group should be condoms. These are easily available in Boots which has self service tills. Many girls who go on the pill don't take it consistently or take it as advised. And when they get pregnant we get, 'She's your baby'. I thought she was grown up to be having sex and the old faddy duddies should just butt out.

Cerisa

"I will be shot down in flames for this, but I would steer my child towards a termination."

I totally agree with you.

I just disagree with people that are trying to paint this girl and her mother as dreadful people, calling a pregnancy a disaster on par with a Tsunami, (note I say pregnancy, not baby), and likening underage sex to child prostitution.