Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

stebiz

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Still no further forward with the father situation.

I have tried getting her to talk, but she just won't. She will just turn away and look teary, and say nothing. I've told her how worried I am, she just says that's she's sorry. I've told her I really need to know, again she'll just turn away or look down.

The weather hasn't been kind to us so going to the beach to talk to her is out, but just heading out to a cafe to get something to eat with her. She doesn't feel very well today, but I think it's mostly that she's just upset and that's making her feel a bit worse.

I hope nobody thinks I'm being a bad parent by not getting anything out of her yet.

I've been following this as I have a 15 year old daughter myself, and have tried to put myself in your shoes. I'm hoping she'll go on to University and do well, but like others have said this needn't stop your daughter achieving her dreams either.

If I am totally honest, I'm a bit fed up with the attitude 'she won't tell me'. Well she was old enough to fall pregnant, so is old enough to face upto her actions. She really does need to tell you. The Father needs to know - whether he wants to or not? I'm guessing that the taxpayers will be paying for her 'mistake' not the Father???

Sorry if this sounds harsh. But as a whole I think you've done well so far. Just don't think she can keep turning away when the Father question comes up.

Caroline_a

The difficulty here is that the support will have to come in the way of the OP taking on the majority of the child care for the new baby. I think she also has 2 younger children who will get less of her time and also, if she works then there will be either that to give up, or child care to be paid for.

I'm sure that even those who have achieved alone with a young baby will admit that it's a terribly difficult way to do it, and in these circumstances with such a young mum will impact on the whole family.

poet123

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

[/B]



I like to think that the glass is half full and not half empty myself.

I think with the obvious support she has from her mother and by the sound of things her father ,it is more likely that she will succeed than not.

And I would like to think so too, and it may be the case, however, professional experience tells me, and the stats tell me, if she does so she will be the exception, not the rule.

Additionally, she may well do so at the expense of others; her mother and/or younger sisters, time and resources are finite. The OP is herself a single parent, where is that time going to come from? and where are those resources going to come from?

savingmummy

stebiz wrote: »

I've been following this as I have a 15 year old daughter myself, and have tried to put myself in your shoes. I'm hoping she'll go on to University and do well, but like others have said this needn't stop your daughter achieving her dreams either.

If I am totally honest, I'm a bit fed up with the attitude 'she won't tell me'. Well she was old enough to fall pregnant, so is old enough to face upto her actions. She really does need to tell you. The Father needs to know - whether he wants to or not? I'm guessing that the taxpayers will be paying for her 'mistake' not the Father???

Sorry if this sounds harsh. But as a whole I think you've done well so far. Just don't think she can keep turning away when the Father question comes up.

How would you get your daughter to reveal what happened and who it was?
The OP is trying to get answers by asking her outright and clearly the DD isn`t wanting too for a reason.
What other ways would you use to get her talking?

I do agree that she needs to talk and have said in previous posts that she needs to find out - purely to ensure nothing `nasty` happened!!
BUT if the DD isn`t talking about it then i`m a bit baffled as to how she could get her to talk.

I am assuming she is scared of revealing who it is, especially if it upsets her when she is asked.

LittleMissMPB

Caroline_a wrote: »

The difficulty here is that the support will have to come in the way of the OP taking on the majority of the child care for the new baby. I think she also has 2 younger children who will get less of her time and also, if she works then there will be either that to give up, or child care to be paid for.

I don't think she will have to take over the majority of the care. The babies mother should be the one look after it IMO unless agreed otherwise beforehand. Babies mum can arrange for childcare during the day, which she can get help with the costs of. http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/EducationAndLearning/14To19/MoneyToLearn/Caretolearn/index.htm

One of my best friends got pregnant at 14, had the baby when she was 15. Her mum refused to 'take over' and my friend was the one who did all the feeding, changing etc and grew up very quickly (btw she carried on in school, got good GCSE's and is still working full time)

POPPYOSCAR

savingmummy wrote: »

How would you get your daughter to reveal what happened and who it was?
The OP is trying to get answers by asking her outright and clearly the DD isn`t wanting too for a reason.
What other ways would you use to get her talking?

I do agree that she needs to talk and have said in previous posts that she needs to find out - purely to ensure nothing `nasty` happened!!
BUT if the DD isn`t talking about it then i`m a bit baffled as to how she could get her to talk.

I am assuming she is scared of revealing who it is, especially if it upsets her when she is asked.

This is what I don't understand. Its all very well saying this, even frogmarching her down to the police, as has been suggested, does not guarantee her giving up the information, all this would do to my daughter is make her hate me and probably resent me for the rest of her life.

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

And I would like to think so too, and it may be the case, however, professional experience tells me, and the stats tell me, if she does so she will be the exception, not the rule.

Additionally, she may well do so at the expense of others; her mother and/or younger sisters, time and resources are finite. The OP is herself a single parent, where is that time going to come from? and where are those resources going to come from?

Well [B]personal[/B] experience tells me that it is more than possible as I have seen it done within friends and family. Just depends on what kind of person you are as to how you cope.

Rikki

One thing that keeps coming to the front of my mind is the father of the baby.

If the OP's daughter decides to keep the baby, I wouldn't want the decision made without knowing who the father is. The reasons being.... the op's daughter and Mum could bring a lovely baby into the world, life could be hard but working well, then a spotty teenager appears out of the blue and everything goes pear shaped or worse an older man who put upon the op's daughter good nature all those months ago.

Personally I don't think the right decision can be made without all the facts being in the open.

Errata

My personal experience is of lives being ruined by a teenage pregnancy - mother's, father's, siblings, grandparents and not least of all that of the child itself. Lives that had to be patched up as best that could be managed after they were smashed.
Nature programs women to go aw at the thought and sight of a baby. Education and experience mediates that aw with knowledge. In many ways, the very worst time for a woman to make a decision about an unplanned pregnancy is when they're pregnant.

Cerisa

A major disaster is a tsunami, or a terminal illness, or your house collapsing.

Pregnancy is not a major disaster. Bring it up, have an abortion, get it adopted. There are choices.