Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

POPPYOSCAR

donteatthat wrote: »

I'm 35 and went to a comprehensive - not posh and not terrible, just normal. Underage sex occurred irrespective of academic or social status, and a few got pregnant in my year. I even know a couple of people who went to good boarding schools who got pregnant at 15. Hardly underachievers. Teenage pregnancy happens across the social classes, but I suspect people from certain walks of life deal with the pregnancy in a way that keeps it out of the public domain so there is less opportunity for gossip and bullying.

Yes it does.

I went to a 'posh' boarding school(although I was a 'day' girl) and two of my friends both got pregnant one at 16 and the other at 17.Both had abortions and strangely one was 'married off' to the father for some reason(lasted about 2 years). The other went on to actually have a baby a year later.

POPPYOSCAR

taxi36 wrote: »

Before my Daughter became pregnant I didnt have an opinion on teenage mums. It wasnt something that I gave a lot of thought to. I knew of teenagers with kids of their own but as im not the type to judge anyone else until I walk a day in their shoes I never voiced an opinion.
As you seem to have familiarised yourself with mine and my Daughters situation you should know that my Daughters long term partner left her the second she informed him that she was carrying his child. Far from ideal and hardly a success story now is it?
The difference in age is unimportant too as she is my Daughter and my love for her is unconditional. If she had come to me at 15 pregnant then I would have felt the same worry and panic that I felt when she told me she was pregnant and 17 but as her parent she would have received the same love , understanding and support.

Im her Daddy and that is my job![/QUOTE]


And what a great one you are for standing by and supporting her like you are.

taxi36

viktory wrote: »

I was a teen Mum

Then surely you must remember how rewarding it was and you should be offering support to the OP and her Daughter, not coming across as if its the end of the world (you havent actually SAID in your posts that it IS the end of the world but I get the feeling that teenage pregnancies re not high on your list of favourite occurances)

taxi36

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

taxi36 wrote: »

Before my Daughter became pregnant I didnt have an opinion on teenage mums. It wasnt something that I gave a lot of thought to. I knew of teenagers with kids of their own but as im not the type to judge anyone else until I walk a day in their shoes I never voiced an opinion.
As you seem to have familiarised yourself with mine and my Daughters situation you should know that my Daughters long term partner left her the second she informed him that she was carrying his child. Far from ideal and hardly a success story now is it?
The difference in age is unimportant too as she is my Daughter and my love for her is unconditional. If she had come to me at 15 pregnant then I would have felt the same worry and panic that I felt when she told me she was pregnant and 17 but as her parent she would have received the same love , understanding and support.

Im her Daddy and that is my job![/QUOTE]


And what a great one you are for standing by and supporting her like you are.

Thank you Poppyoscar . So nice of you to say that .

taxi36

Poppyfield I know the thread is moving quickly and if it is anything like my own thread on the subject you will be finding it hard to read and respond to everyones posts. I hope you will notice this one though as I just wanted to recommend councelling for you and your Daughter. I know you said a bit further back that your Daughter is shy and so you didnt think she would like the idea of councelling but really I urge you to seriously consider it.

We took our own Daughter to see one and it was a total godsend. Councellors have a way in getting people to open up without even realising that they are doing it . I think you will find that your Daughter and yourself will benefit from it.

If you ask at your local GP surgery they MAY be able to put you intouch with a specific councellor in your area who has expertise in teenage pregnancy . The councellor may be able to get your Daughter to open up in ways that you cannot.

You may find that once your Daughter has revealed the identiy of the father to an "outsider" she will be more forthcoming with the info to you.

It is worth a shot and something which I highly recommend.

peachyprice

GlasweJen wrote: »

I'm also 24, at our school the girls who were sleeping with guys at 14/15 were the under achievers and were considered weird/dirty/attention seeking. Girls certainly weren't bullied for not having sex, it was the ones who were having sex/walking about with bumps who were shunned.

And I can't say that I went to a posh school, of my year group (8 classes of 33) only 13 went to uni.

This is exactly what I've been thinking Jen. I find it astounding the number of people here that find it's the norm in their area. It certainly isn't here, and I'm nowhere near Scotland. As you said, the only girls here who have had babies so young are the under achievers.

There were no teen mums when I was at high school, my boys go to the same school now and still there have been none in the 5 years they have been there. Whether there have been girls that have got pregnant and chosen to abort, I do not know, but actually choosing to have a baby just doesn't seem happen, unless they've been whisked out of school perhaps?

taxi36

peachyprice wrote: »

the only girls here who have had babies so young are the under achievers.

Have you any idea how "snobby" this SWEEPING GENERALISATION comes across? Read it back and see...

You sound as though you think you are better than people who have children so young.

If I were you I wouldnt be so quick to pass judgement for two reasons:

1. It makes you look like a snob
2. You dont know what your future holds yet! You may well find that one of your children has a Daughter in later years who finds themselves pregnant at a young age

Pollycat

RacyRed wrote: »

So some of you think it is "pervy" for a mother and daughter to discuss the physical and emotional dynamics of sex as well as the practicalities? No wonder so many teenagers go about finding the answers to their questions in other ways.

I don't think it 'pervy' for a mother & daughter to discuss the physical & emotional dynamics of sex but your suggestion to the OP opening that discussion in the circumstances (i.e. pregnant at 15 and unwilling to talk about the father at all) by something along the lines of (see below) is quite frankly bizarre (and pervy) imho:

RacyRed wrote: »

Maybe hug her and say something along the lines of "I've always looked forward to talking to you woman to woman about your first experiences of sex, I hope it was exciting and wonderful for you and that you enjoyed it."

POPPYOSCAR

Most teenagers I know seem to think that they invented 'sex' and that if you are over the age 30 then you should not be doing it!!!!

They most certainly do not want to talk to us 'oldies' about it.

When we tell our daughter she was made from our 'love' she tells us that she does not even want to think about it!!!!!!!!!

Errata

OP - I hope your daughter can talk things through with an emotionally uninvolved knowledgeable person before she makes her final decision. Someone who can tell her the facts and practicalities of all the options open to her, which neither you nor her father can. Someone she can ask frank questions of in the knowledge she isn't being judged. Under the circumstances I would guess her GP will be able find someone immediately.

Taxi - please stop shouting in red. It's highly discourteous on an internet forum.