Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

GlasweJen

I'm also 24, at our school the girls who were sleeping with guys at 14/15 were the under achievers and were considered weird/dirty/attention seeking. Girls certainly weren't bullied for not having sex, it was the ones who were having sex/walking about with bumps who were shunned.

And I can't say that I went to a posh school, of my year group (8 classes of 33) only 13 went to uni.

JediAna

GlasweJen wrote: »

I'm also 24, at our school the girls who were sleeping with guys at 14/15 were the under achievers and were considered weird/dirty/attention seeking. Girls certainly weren't bullied for not having sex, it was the ones who were having sex/walking about with bumps who were shunned.

And I can't say that I went to a posh school, of my year group (8 classes of 33) only 13 went to uni.

Maybe Scotland is a better place to raise kids?

I went to 5 different high schools across England as my family kept moving, one them was Catholic, and this was the norm everywhere I went.

Person_one

GlasweJen wrote: »

I'm also 24, at our school the girls who were sleeping with guys at 14/15 were the under achievers and were considered weird/dirty/attention seeking. Girls certainly weren't bullied for not having sex, it was the ones who were having sex/walking about with bumps who were shunned.

And I can't say that I went to a posh school, of my year group (8 classes of 33) only 13 went to uni.

Its a real shame those poor girls were treated so badly. Sex isn't weird, or dirty, even at 15!

As I said before, I was having regular sex at 15, I bet lots on this thread were, or not much older. It'd be interesting to see a show of hands!

I had sex because I wanted to, because I really liked my boyfriend (also 15), fancied him, and enjoyed the pleasurable sensations of sexual contact. Isn't that why most people have sex? Whether they're 15 year old schoolgirls or 50 year married couples?

I left school with 5 A-levels and went on to get a first class degree, but I could very easily have had a mishap in the early days when the pill was making me chuck up every morning and the condoms kept pinging off! It wouldn't have suddenly made me stupid, dirty, immature or any other stereotype.

Nobody should be shunned or judged for their sex life, whether they're at it like rabbits or celibate, as long as those 14 year old girls were having consensual sex with boys (or girls) their own age they weren't doing anything wrong. Maybe less than ideal, from a health perspective, but not morally wrong.

Torry_Quine

Person_one wrote: »

Its a real shame those poor girls were treated so badly. Sex isn't weird, or dirty, even at 15!

As I said before, I was having regular sex at 15, I bet lots on this thread were, or not much older. It'd be interesting to see a show of hands!

I had sex because I wanted to, because I really liked my boyfriend (also 15), fancied him, and enjoyed the pleasurable sensations of sexual contact. Isn't that why most people have sex? Whether they're 15 year old schoolgirls or 50 year married couples?

I left school with 5 A-levels and went on to get a first class degree, but I could very easily have had a mishap in the early days when the pill was making me chuck up every morning and the condoms kept pinging off! It wouldn't have suddenly made me stupid, dirty, immature or any other stereotype.

Nobody should be shunned or judged for their sex life, whether they're at it like rabbits or celibate, as long as those 14 year old girls were having consensual sex with boys (or girls) their own age they weren't doing anything wrong. Maybe less than ideal, from a health perspective, but not morally wrong.

I see what you're saying but we have to be very careful not to normalise under-age sex. Yes we shouldn't make the OP's daughter feel dirty but it is still something which is not in a child's best interest.

RacyRed

sb44 wrote: »

What!

Your damned right you are going to get a flaming.

" I hope it was exciting and wonderful for you and that you enjoyed it." :eek:

She is 15, she is a child, she shouldn't be having sex full stop!

What she should or shouldn't have done is irrelevant now. She did have underage sex and her pregnancy proves it. My suggestion was aimed at helping the OP to find out if her daughter, who has no obvious boyfriend or opportunity to have a relationship, had sex consensually or not. Direct questioning didn't work. Demanding answers is unlikely to work, so why not try other ways to get her daughter talking about such an important matter?

So some of you think it is "pervy" for a mother and daughter to discuss the physical and emotional dynamics of sex as well as the practicalities? No wonder so many teenagers go about finding the answers to their questions in other ways.

bambammy

You can't be padlocked to them 24/7. Everyone can empathise one way or another. My mother always reminds me of what I got up to as a teenager, and always finishes by saying ' Thank the Lord there wasn't mobile phones and internets around when yous were young '

Has OP considered facebook ? My naive DD, 15yr old, is banned from using the internet for pretending to be her 17yr big sister. When it comes to boys, sometimes her common sense just gets lost. Hormones. She also learned by her big sister' mistakes, making her sneaking around more challenging for me.

If a boy who dates a female can not come to your house and look you in the eye, say hello introduce himself, maybe there's something not right somewhere.

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

Thanks GOD nothing happened to us whilst we were there, and some very friendly (and decent, no funny business) Scottish lads let us stay with them for the week. It makes me want to cry thinking about how awful I was and I hope to god my children have more faith in me and aren't so bloody stupid... Anyway, sorry I'm going off tangent now, but I guess I'm agreeing with Clifton in that teenagers can be sneaky and I sincerly hope your daughter is not as crafty as I was From what you say it sounds like she is a far nicer girl than I ever was (but I cringe to think how proud my mum was of me and how shocked she would be now if she knew half the stuff we got up to....)

Torry_Quine

RacyRed wrote: »

What she should or shouldn't have done is irrelevant now. She did have underage sex and her pregnancy proves it. My suggestion was aimed at helping the OP to find out if her daughter, who has no obvious boyfriend or opportunity to have a relationship, had sex consensually or not. Direct questioning didn't work. Demanding answers is unlikely to work, so why not try other ways to get her daughter talking about such an important matter?

So some of you think it is "pervy" for a mother and daughter to discuss the physical and emotional dynamics of sex as well as the practicalities? No wonder so many teenagers go about finding the answers to their questions in other ways.

I wouldn't personally use the term 'pervy' but it is not something I feel is appropriate to discuss with your mother, whatever age you are. I was several years older but I'm sure it never crossed my mother's mind that I would want to tell her how it was. :eek:

Person_one

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I see what you're saying but we have to be very careful not to normalise under-age sex. Yes we shouldn't make the OP's daughter feel dirty but it is still something which is not in a child's best interest.

It is normal, its been normal for millennia.

JediAna

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I see what you're saying but we have to be very careful not to normalise under-age sex. Yes we shouldn't make the OP's daughter feel dirty but it is still something which is not in a child's best interest.

The problem is - at least from my own school experiences - underage sex already is normal, whether it's advisable and safe or not.

I don't think it's a good thing, not because of any moral concern but the usual concern of not being mentally ready for sex and its possible consequences, but I think pretending it isn't extremely common is more dangerous.

lost_soul_78

WOW a difficult subject.I had my first child at 16.She has just finished her last gcse A and B's are predicted by the school(always worked).I also have a 2 and a 3 yr old dh sloggs his guts out so I don't have to work now(though I would rather be earning)Life is life roll with the punches,and work your own way through it.