Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Welshdebtor

LittleMissMPB wrote: »

Can I just say, that at 14 weeks it does look like a 'baby' - ok a very small one, but bigger than you would think, but all fingers/toes etc are there. Just a suggestion - if she does go for a termination, in my opinion, it would be less traumatic to have a surgical one rather than a medical one if at all possible. At my local hospital they only allow medical terminations after 12weeks, which involves basically being induced into labour. The contractions are 'mild', just like a take-your-breath-away period pain, they give you pain releif, but you have to deliver the feotus and placenta, and chances are she may see something of the feotus (I was left alone long enough to know mine was a little girl, although was a little further along and that image and guilt has never left me, it's been 2.5yrs now, they tell you not to look but it's a reaction to - don't judge me for my decision about that baby though as I still believe I made the right choice)

You are right it is fairly developed at 15 weeks, just checked online
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/fetaldevelopment/15weeks/

Dave101t

15, pregnant, and wants an abortion.
class act, but wheres her father in all this? not the babies father, your husband?

LittleMissMPB

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thanks LittleMissMPB, I have to say that although I have nothing against abortion and know it's often the right thing to do, it does worry me that she is 14 weeks pregnant. Maybe not technically a baby, but it does 'look' like a small version of one at that point if that makes sense. It's not for me I'm worried, it is my daughter, I'm not sure she'd be able to cope with that. I hope I don't sound selfish and people assume I've tried to put her off an abortion, it just worries me.

Sorry crossposted with Welshdebtor

I completely understand your worries. Here's me risking others thinking I'm trying to persuade you to persuade her to keep the baby, but I'm not - at the bottom of this post I'll post a link, for information only. If she decides to have a termination and has a medical one, she will know what to expect to 'come out', and if she carries on with the pregnancy then it's just interesting reading.

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/fetaldevelopment/14weeks/

gizmo111

Dave101t wrote: »

15, pregnant, and wants an abortion.
class act, but wheres her father in all this? not the babies father, your husband?

At the end of the phone and visiting the weekend.

paddy's_mum

Shoot me down in flames,but some of us older ones have got a lot more under our belts than even the criminal justice system has got a name for!

Morality doesn't come into it. Not now. Common sense does.

If it's a wet-behind-the-ears boy, then I suggest OP has little extra to worry about.

If it's 45 year old sneaking teacher with a trusting wife, four dependant children and facing the loss of his career, then that's a lot more concerning.

If it's a career criminal with honeyed speech, "here, smoke a bit and relax" druggie friends, no fixed abode, 6 other kids and aids into the bargain...?

How does mother know? How does mother sleep?

For me, it's if you want me, then you level with me.

What so many in this thread seem to fail to recognise is that there are others in this family that should not be disadvantaged.

This thread is now polarised ..and that is, truly, the glory of this forum. Said my bit but now outta here

Welshdebtor

I would look into what your local NHS Trust does.

poppyfield19

Okay, thank you.

Caroline_a

There seems to be an awful lot of prevarication going on. I can understand that your daughter is scared of an abortion, and talks about 'guilt', but to me that sounds like she's repeating something she's heard before from elsewhere, be it TV, school, whatever. OP, you have my sympathies, but if this child (as she is) is to have her baby, who is going to care for him/her? Will that be you, will you have to give up work to do this, or will it be her, giving up her schooling?

Some people have said that you should now take the lead and give her firm advice as to what you think she should do - isn't that what parents are supposed to do for their children - to use their own experience to guide children to make decisions by advice, recommendation and also instruction? What you have to think is, as I think someone has already said, do you allow her to make all her own decisions? what time she comes in, what tv she watches, where she goes, what she spends her money on... etc etc.

You now need to step up to the mark, advise her on what you think is the right informed thing to do, tell her about the options as you understand and how they will affect her life. Then she needs informed unbiased counselling to make her decision as soon as possible, so that you can make preparations for whatever is decided.

We all know that talking about a problem is generally good, but sometimes too much talking can cloud the issue and prevent necessary action taking place.

marywooyeah

OP I'm afraid I must respectfully disagree, at 14 weeks it is very much a baby, by 8 weeks the baby is fully formed (all organs etc) and they just grow and develop further after that.
You could maybe google "14 weeks foetus" for pictures. I have a scan picture of my baby lost when he was 9 weeks, and he was very much a baby even then, so much that I can see the resemblance to his father (his father had a ridge between his forehead and nose which you can see sideways on in the photo).

If she does terminate, I know some people find it easier to cling to "it's not really a baby", but she needs to make an informed choice, and I believe more people seeking this route should be told of foetal development. It wasnt even mentioned when I had mine, and I was devastated to discover how developed he had been later, she needs to know all the facts.
She also needs to know all the facts of which method of termination she chooses (if she does so), for example I wasnt told there would be any blood and I found it very traumatic to see it all.

Hope she and yourself are ok, sounds like progress is being made but I stand by what I said earlier, that from how you have described her I think she would really struggle with termination, particularly at this late stage. God bless x

mountainofdebt

I must admit that when I posted that your daughter had only 2 viable options, I meant that in reality there was only adoption and keeping the baby that ought to be considered.....and I'm 'pro-choice' (or what ever the current term is)

Poppy, what is / was your daughter's aspirations in life before she became pregnant. Did it include university? I know many has said that having a baby shouldn't affect what your daughter can achieve in life but lets be honest, it will make everything twice as hard for her, even if its as something as basic as which university she goes to - yes most unis have childcare facilities but could you look after a 2 year old and revise for exams etc ...I know I couldn't.

Just yet another thing, I'm afriad for you to talk to her about.