Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

poppyfield19

January20, where have I indicated I want her to keep the baby? Or what have I said to indicate that?

I said I'm worried about abortion, as it looks like she won't be having an abortion, I was posting in reply to what someone had said. Of course I'm worried about her continuing with the pregnancy, if she will cope, how she will cope.... I'm very worried. I don't know why it seems like 'I'm not too bothered', but I can assure you, that's not the case at all. I found pregnancy and bringing up kids when I was in my 20s and 30s difficult.

I'm far from not bothered, and I'm not attatched to the baby, wanting her to keep it either - no.

Oldernotwiser

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I have to disagree with directly telling her what to do.

It' her body, has to be her decision surely?

If i was forced into something like that (any of the 3 options) i'd resent my parents and probably never forgive them

Surely it's not a question of being forced but of being guided. Isn't that what good parents do?

crystaltipps

As a mother to a fifteen year old daughter, this thread is making me very glad I keep the sanitary products stocked up and know when they are being used. As daft as it sounds, I always breathe a tiny sigh of relief when they are running low and when the bathroom bin needs emptying more frequently (TMI - I get her to do it! ...and yes, I know they may still be used in the event of a pregnancy, but that is so rare as to be almost discountable).

I know these posts are all opinionated - and there has been threads before debating the pros and cons of abortions but despite many people being pro life here, I have to add my opinion that my worse nightmare is my daughter telling me she is pregnant. I would do everything in my power to prevent the pregnancy going ahead. I would also refuse outright to be a primary carer for another child if she decided to go against all practical advice and give birth.

Whilst an abortion, especially at later stages, is far from an enjoyable experience, it overwhelmingly beats the lifetime of devotion, both physically and emotionally, to a child. There are all the practical and emotional reasons listed for termination already - and mention of emotional ties too - I feel they cannot be overstated.

There is a huge world and a wealth of experiences waiting for our children and teenagers today - and whilst many will say much is achievable with a child in tow, frankly, young adult life shouldn't be juggling schoolwork with baby sick and nappies. That experience is waiting for her further down the line, when she is settled, full of life and work experiences, mature and able to cope with the situation, and most likely in a loving relationship with a partner that also wants to enjoy parenthood.

I am pretty sure the OP will be a granny in about 26 weeks - I hope all concerned fully appreciate the depth and scope of that decision.

poppyfield19

January20 just want to say I apologise if my post in response to you was 'snappy' at all - it wasn't intended that way.

Oldernotwiser I don't know if you're saying I'm a bad parent for not guiding her into something, but at the end of the day as said it's her body. I don't want her to grow up and think that I 'guided' her into something, whether having the baby, or having an abortion. She has to make the decision for herself and I will be behind her for whatever decision she does chose.

Torry_Quine

poppyfield19 wrote: »

January20 just want to say I apologise if my post in response to you was 'snappy' at all - it wasn't intended that way.

Oldernotwiser I don't know if you're saying I'm a bad parent for not guiding her into something, but at the end of the day as said it's her body. I don't want her to grow up and think that I 'guided' her into something, whether having the baby, or having an abortion. She has to make the decision for herself and I will be behind her for whatever decision she does chose.

Absolutely, she has to make this decision for the reasons you say.

Hope you both sleep well tonight.

Welshdebtor

One young mum I knew was often asked "Don't you regret missing out on going out when you turned 18, turned 21, and doing all those things young girls do?" Her response "How can you miss something you have never experienced?"

poppyfield19

Thank you.

anothergymslipmum

Poppyfield19, you are right not to try to force your opinion on her and to allow her to make her own decision. But, and this is the thing, she has not your experience nor wisdom of age to make the correct decision for herself without your help and advice. You know what it's like to bring a child into the world and to accept total responsibility for it but she doesn't. I think this is what oldernotwiser and others are saying to you.

anothergymslipmum

I also think that you need to discuss with her what is the lesser of all the evils. There is no easy way out of being pregnant at 15 but some options will be less bad than others for her. This is what she needs to understand.

From my experience at 15 I just was in denial from the moment I knew, which was immediately within 24 hours, and going to the doctor at over 5 months. I was not mature enough to think ahead, just get through today was my motto.

JediAna

Poppy - It's clear that you're a supportive mother, even though as you said, this is an incredible shock for you.

I'm 24 now, and when I was 16 in high school it was the norm for kids around 13-14 to be sexually active with one another, and aware of/candidly discuss sexual topics. I was considered weird and bullied for wanting to wait. That was 8 years ago and kids seem to be coming into mature topics younger and younger, so I can only imagine the peer pressure that exists now for girls that age.

I hope that anyone who would judge your daughter would bear this in mind.

While I don't think my own opinion on pro-life vs pro-choice has any relevance, I would like to mention that a very good friend of mine, an 18 year old girl, has a 2 year old boy and with support (babysitting and support, not primary care) from her parents, she's raising him wonderfully, is in college with extremely high grades, and has set-up and runs her own independent business, which is making her enough money to move out and financially support herself.

Of course, having a child at a young age is incredibly difficult (as if it's easy at any age) but it doesn't necessarily mean the death of your education or future, there are those who manage to juggle it all with support. Granted, my friend doesn't get much sleep.

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck, whatever decision she ultimately makes.