Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Cerisa

People are so different and you cannot predict what will happen to her or how she will cope.

I waited til I was 18, but have had numerous relationships, some of which I enjoyed, some I didn't. My partner had sex when he was 15, but has only ever had 2 sexual partners.

I have one friend who was a single mother who managed to get a degree and a masters with a young baby and has now married the love of her life. I have another friend whose life seems to have been utterly destroyed by having a baby she loves but never wanted, by a dreadful man who she has decided has to be kept away from her child.

People who talk about missing out are probably seeing their youth through somewhat tinted glasses.

bestpud

rachbc wrote: »

Wow - I hope in your work with these young lone parents you manage not to project your feeling that quote

"getting pregnant at 15 is a major disaster"

If so I pity them. If that isn't a personal prejudice I don't know what is....

Are you suggesting it isn't?

POPPYOSCAR

Cerisa wrote: »

People are so different and you cannot predict what will happen to her or how she will cope.

I waited til I was 18, but have had numerous relationships, some of which I enjoyed, some I didn't. My partner had sex when he was 15, but has only ever had 2 sexual partners.

I have one friend who was a single mother who managed to get a degree and a masters with a young baby and has now married the love of her life. I have another friend whose life seems to have been utterly destroyed by having a baby she loves but never wanted, by a dreadful man who she has decided has to be kept away from her child.

People who talk about missing out are probably seeing their youth through somewhat tinted glasses.

Yes I see some truth in that statement.

For me my teenage years were full of angst and at times unhappiness. I am much more contented and carefree now than I ever was.

POPPYOSCAR

bestpud wrote: »

Are you suggesting it isn't?

Quite a lot of us do not see it as such in the big scheme of things.

life_in_termoil

OP your doing fine I think this week you should just concentrate on what your daughter plans to do (keep, adopt or abort). Once this has been established you can then concentrate on the other long term implications eg, emotional, educational, financial, You cant plan any of those untill she has made her decision.

pelirocco

bestpud wrote: »

Are you suggesting it isn't?

Its not ideal and none of us would like our daughters to be pregnant at 15 ( or any young age ) , however a major disaster it isnt , it doesnt even come close

POPPYOSCAR

life_in_termoil wrote: »

OP your doing fine I think this week you should just concentrate on what your daughter plans to do (keep, adopt or abort). Once this has been established you can then concentrate on the other long term implications eg, emotional, educational, financial, You cant plan any of those untill she has made her decision.

Yes I think she is as well.

Not long now until her dad is with them and hopefully this will make life a bit easier all round.

rachbc

bestpud wrote: »

Are you suggesting it isn't?

I'm suggesting it doesn't have to be and isn't for everyone it happens to...some will have terminations, feel relief and move on. Others will have the baby, get plenty of support, continue with their education and do well. Others will drop out of education, though some getting pregnant may have done so already and the pregnancy is just a symptom of a chaotic 'disasterous' life they are already living...

No one is arguing that its going to be easy but its not a 'disaster' - and as a pp has said if getting pregnant at 15 is the very worst thing you have to worry about then life is fairly sweet - I can think of plenty more horrific things I see young women going through.

poet123

Cerisa wrote: »

Oldernotwiser, underage sex is not the same thing as child prostitution.

No, but it is still undesirable because as we see here there can be consequences which children are ill equipped to cope with.

Of course, we can all relate our own experiences of those who have gone on to make a real success of their lives after having children young (I posted about a friends daughter in an early post) but the reality is that generally, and for obvious reasons, taking this route hampers academic and social growth.

That is the reality, I work with young adults and those who have children are often the lower achievers from difficult backgrounds ( this is not snobbery but borne out by stats) there will always be exceptions to the rule, but generally, that holds true.

Saying a pregnancy is disasterous is emotive, and of course, compared with others issues it may not be. It is however, a bad situation to be in, and normalising it by societal acceptance does not send the correct message imo. Once it has happened there is little point in doing anything but dealing with it, but I don't believe that we, as a society should be so blase about it.

Those of us who are advising the OP to consider all aspects before guiding her daughter, are speaking not from judgement, or moralising,(too late for that, although tbh it does have a place) but from experience, be it personal or professional.

Yes, she may be one of the few who buck the system, (and parental support such as that evidenced by Taxi is likely to be key to that) however, sadly, it is far more likely she won't, and will end up not fulfilling her academic potential.

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

No, but it is still undesirable because as we see here there can be consequences which children are ill equipped to cope with.

Of course, we can all relate our own experiences of those who have gone on to make a real success of their lives after having children young (I posted about a friends daughter in an early post) but the reality is that generally, and for obvious reasons, taking this route hampers academic and social growth.

That is the reality, I work with young adults and those who have children are often the lower achievers from difficult backgrounds ( this is not snobbery but borne out by stats) there will always be exceptions to the rule, but generally, that holds true.

Saying a pregnancy is disasterous is emotive, and of course, compared with others issues it may not be. Those of us who are advising the OP to consider all aspects before guiding her daughter, are speaking not from judgement, or moralising,(too late for that, although tbh it does have a place) but from experience, be it personal or professional.

Yes, she may be one of the few who buck the system, (and parental support such as that evidenced by Taxi is likely to be key to that) however, sadly, it is far more likely she won't, and will end up not fulfilling her academic potential.

I like to think that the glass is half full and not half empty myself.

I think with the obvious support she has from her mother and by the sound of things her father ,it is more likely that she will succeed than not.