Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

pelirocco

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Of course not. However, as the law on the age of consent was largely introduced to protect young girls from child prostitution, the issues are not as far apart as you may think.


"Young girls in London

For several decades the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children had been concerned by the sexual exploitation of young girls in London. A press campaign on the subject in 1885 had persuaded Parliament to pass the Criminal Law Amendment Act.

As well as raising the female age of consent from 13 to 16, the Act set down a series of other regulations for the protection of young women from vice. The new legislation proved a great success, with a huge increase in the number cases being reported to the police and brought before the courts."

https://www.parliament.uk

Anyone involved in the child sex industry doesnt give two hoots about the law

However I do agree with you that children have to be protected , however I would guess the majority of underage sex is committed willingly . Times have changed , we can tell / educate our children until we are blue in the face about the 'dangers' of underage / unprotected sex , but todays children are brought up to think for their selves and to challenge other peoples views ( not a bad thing tbh )

In the past unplanned pregnancies were lower because girls lived in fear of what would happen to them , Im not sure we should go back to that?

Its not a lack of sex education , there is no way any teenager doesnt know about contraception , What they do need is a sense of a future . I might be too simplistic , but if you dont have any goals , and are facing a future of unemployment or dead end jobs , you might see pregnancy as a way out

However , accidents still happen

peachyprice

taxi36 wrote: »

Have you any idea how "snobby" this SWEEPING GENERALISATION comes across? Read it back and see...

You sound as though you think you are better than people who have children so young.



If I were you I wouldnt be so quick to pass judgement for two reasons:

1. It makes you look like a snob
2. You dont know what your future holds yet! You may well find that one of your children has a Daughter in later years who finds themselves pregnant at a young age

It's not whay I am or how I think, it's a fact in the area I live. I can't help that.

Other people on this thread have posted how there are several girls each year that are pregnant, that's how they find it in their area.

Sorry, I'm not going to keep my mouth shut about how it is where I live just because it doesn't fit with other peoples experiences.

esmerelda98

Dawning wrote: »

One thing that is irritating me on this thread is reading about 'getting herself into trouble' and how it is 'her ' mistake. It took TWO of them to create this 'mistake', let's stop blaming girls all the time and realise that boys are just as responsible for making sure that a baby isn't conceived! And in this case, since we have no idea about who the father is, it could actually be an adult...What about HIS mistake?

of course there are plenty of men out there who believe that actually preventing conception is none of their problem because they're not the ones who get pregnant.

Your post demonstrates why men and women are not equally responsible for a pregnancy. Only women get pregnant. Many men walk away from the situation and in the worst case scenario the best you can get is child support. In fact single mothers often struggle to get that. I wish women would stop thinking, 'We are equally responsible for this baby'. As a woman I have autonomy. I can say no. I can take control of my fertility. I don't want a baby - I take precautions, perhaps two forms of contraception if pregnancy really would be a disaster. Forget about him, you will be the one going through pregnancy, so if you don't look after yourself you're an idiot. Assuming said woman hasn't been raped.

WelshBluebird

Again, to those saying that she should be more firm in finding out who the father is. What do you suggest? You cannot force someone to tell you something. It just doesn't work like that. A teenager will only tell their parents something if they want to.

viktory wrote: »

I know how hard it is to be a child who has had a child. I know what I had to give up and the opportunities I missed out on.

I don't think anyone here is saying it isn't hard and that you won't miss certain opportunities. What we are saying is that it can work. Having a baby at 15 is not a total disaster. Nobody is under the illusion that it is easy, or that it will be a breeze. And at the same time you shouldn't be under the illusion that it never works and is always a nightmare etc. What we are saying is that the choice HAS to be hers at the end of the day. It has to be. It is as simple as that. If you force her into a decision, she is only going to end up resenting you. If she wants the baby, then that is her decision to make and no one elses.

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

the issues are not as far apart as you may think.

What a stupid comment to make.
A 15 year old willingly having sex with her 16 year old boyfriend is a million miles away from child prostitution and the like.

(yes I realise the OP has said her daughter does not have a bf, but at the same time trying to compare it to child prostitution is just totally inappropriate and totally incorrect).

righter

Phew..arrived at the end!

Poppyfield19,you are doing a great job.none of us can tell you how to handle this situation,as everyone is an individual.

i would like to make a couple of points. As we go through life we meet many people,and hear hundreds of personal stories.

I can tell you of a girl in our village,pregnant at 15,still with her boyfriend 5 years later. He is at university,she is going to retrain,now that their son is starting school.

another friend,got GF pregnant at 15...they said it would never last,20 years later,another child,they are still happy and together.

And i can tell you lots of stories of !!!!less,married adults (I used to foster) age makes no difference! at the end of the day,its about who you are as a person.

Marriage and age conveys no guarantee of success,and certainly,adults make mistakes....or accidents happen..my number 3 was a "coil baby".

And yes,there are worse things than pregnancy...I lost my son,number 3, 2 years ago aged 22. love them always,and as best you can,none of us knows whats around the corner.

i started my family at 19 (married,planned)..so i never had "teenager years"...coming from a strict background,and looking after a house from 17....i never missed out,because,it was never my thing...I prefer,and always have,a book and a cup of tea!!

finally,people make such a big deal about sex,if you read your history,there has never been a "golden age",where people were morally perfect.

Teen pregnancies have been with us since time began. What has changed,thank FSM! is peoples attitude about them....I think of my mums friend,who gave up a daughter 50 years ago,went on to have 3 sons...and mourns for that daughter every day.

yes,it will be tough...but raising children is hard,no matter what the circumstances,my husband walked out on me,with two small children, marriage vows are broken every day,and age doesn`t stop anyone doing foolish,wrong or nasty things.

...all they need is love..and attention...not designer prams.

savingmummy

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Hi everyone, thanks for all of your responses.

Sorry if I did seem a bit rude last night, I really don't want it to seem like I'e tried to push her into keeping the baby because I like the idea of it. I don't like the fact she's pregnant at 15, to me she is still in many ways a little girl, a child herself. I didn't want/expect her to get pregnant at 15, I'm not glad about it by any means. I'm not excited by a baby or anything - not at this stage at least, obviously if she does have the baby, I will be - but right now, I'm just worried for her, how she will cope. She will try and keep up with her schoolwork, but obviously it won't be as easy for her. Even with all of the support in the world it all comes down to her and that does worry me - a lot.

We've got in touch with one of the groups today, they do one to one talk sessions and I've said I think it would be a really good idea. She isn't too sure, but it's worth trying it, so I'll take her to that and if that helps her, it's worth it - if it doesn't then she doesn't have to go again.

I hope this helps i really do. She may be suprised and actually find it a godsend to be talking to someone who she isn`t familiar with.

righter

i didn`t write a "rude" word it censored...f...e c..k..l..e...s...s

Errata

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Hi everyone, thanks for all of your responses.

Sorry if I did seem a bit rude last night, I really don't want it to seem like I'e tried to push her into keeping the baby because I like the idea of it. I don't like the fact she's pregnant at 15, to me she is still in many ways a little girl, a child herself. I didn't want/expect her to get pregnant at 15, I'm not glad about it by any means. I'm not excited by a baby or anything - not at this stage at least, obviously if she does have the baby, I will be - but right now, I'm just worried for her, how she will cope. She will try and keep up with her schoolwork, but obviously it won't be as easy for her. Even with all of the support in the world it all comes down to her and that does worry me - a lot.

We've got in touch with one of the groups today, they do one to one talk sessions and I've said I think it would be a really good idea. She isn't too sure, but it's worth trying it, so I'll take her to that and if that helps her, it's worth it - if it doesn't then she doesn't have to go again.

She is still a little girl. Her body, brain and intellect haven't reached anything like maturity at 15.
In your shoes I'd be dragging her to a one-to-one session by her hair if I needed to. She isn't too sure because she doesn't have the cognitive ability to make a decision. Make it for her.

Cerisa

"men and women are not equally responsible for a pregnancy."

Yes they bloody are. :mad:

Or at least they bloody should be. I don't want a return to shotgun marriages and single mothers in convents but for goodness sake, men should take responsibility for what comes out of their penis. It shouldn't be so easy for a man to walk away - but people like you make it easier by putting all the onus on a woman.

And there's a world away from knowing contraception exists and confronting the social stigma around it to go and get some.

balletshoes

Dawning wrote: »

One thing that is irritating me on this thread is reading about 'getting herself into trouble' and how it is 'her ' mistake. It took TWO of them to create this 'mistake', let's stop blaming girls all the time and realise that boys are just as responsible for making sure that a baby isn't conceived! And in this case, since we have no idea about who the father is, it could actually be an adult...What about HIS mistake?

of course there are plenty of men out there who believe that actually preventing conception is none of their problem because they're not the ones who get pregnant.

the problem with this argument, which I do agree with to a point, is that its the girl who gets pregnant, the girl who has to deal with the repercussions to her body, her future, the rest of her life. Not the boy. And so because of that, I think it has to be impressed upon girls even more than boys, the consequences of unprotected sex. Of course both sexes need to be educated and informed, but bottom line, its the girl who's life will change, not the boy's to anywhere near the same extent.