Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

melancholly

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I really don't see what difference who the father is or how this happened as any relevance to the decision that needs to be made.

i think it is massively relevant; whatever choice the daughter makes, massive support will be needed from her mother. to expect this support without trusting the mother with the truth is a bit much (granted, it may come in time). the father and their opinion/financial position may have an impact over whether or not keeping the baby is a viable option.

knowing how it happened could be very important in understanding the girl's frame of mind and help understand what she's thinking. if the OP is going to be able to give good advice and support, knowing the whole picture is important. i think the father should be told about this, even if they don't contribute to the decision, they should be given a stark reality check that their actions have consequences.

all of these are what if statements, granted, but to dismiss the father as irrelevant is, imo, naive.

mountainofdebt

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Thats what us mums do and always will where our children are concerned.

I agree - but I'm sure in this case the worry could be lessened if the daughter shown a little consideration

I know that if Junior came home to me with a similar problem, and I was giving similar support to him, then I would expect complete and utter honesty - not shrugs of shoulders or answers being refused.

POPPYOSCAR

Amanda65 wrote: »

Re-read and nowhere in the post did you say that it was pertinent to naming father - just that everyone should give the girl and her mother more time and I was simply pointing out that, decision dependant, time might not be on their side !!!

It's all getting a little snipy on here this afternoon - think I'll sign off

I am sorry you think I was being snipy as I did not intend it that way and I apologise if it came across that way.

There appears to be some confusion.

My post was referring to all the posters who keep bleating on about the Op finding out who the father is and I said give her a few more days to open up further to her mum this has nothing to do with her making any decisions.

Welshdebtor

I think what Poppyoscar means is that during the next 9 weeks (max) it is far more important the OP offers her support in her DD making a decision, than it is to get clues about the father. For which she has a lifetime ahead of her to uncover.

POPPYOSCAR

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I agree - but I'm sure in this case the worry could be lessened if the daughter shown a little consideration

I know that if Junior came home to me with a similar problem, and I was giving similar support to him, then I would expect complete and utter honesty - not shrugs of shoulders or answers being refused.

Yes in an ideal world.

But what is the Op supposed to do when she has tried and it has only made her daughter clam up more.

Of course she needs to know everything and she has tried to get the information out of her but as I said I think it will come -given just a little more time. The Ops husband is going to be there in the next few days and hopefully that will make a big difference.

mountainofdebt

But surely if the situation could be discussed openly by OP, her daughter, the father and his family, the OP and the daughter would know exactly where they stood in terms of support - both financial and emotional.

Sometimes reactions you get off people aren't the ones that you expect and as a result can make bad decisions.

POPPYOSCAR

mountainofdebt wrote: »

But surely if the situation could be discussed openly by OP, her daughter, the father and his family, the OP and the daughter would know exactly where they stood in terms of support - both financial and emotional.

Sometimes reactions you get off people aren't the ones that you expect and as a result can make bad decisions.

Yes I agree.

I hope it turns out that way in this case but it may not be possible.

poet123

Cerisa wrote: »

Poet 123 - if we're talking morals, it's much worse to punch someone, be racist or rob a bank than it is to get pregnant. For goodness sake, we'd be pretty rare without it.

My point was made in relation to the poster who asked for ONW to find her a girl with a caution for getting pregnant, which inferred that because a caution/conviction is not administered (for getting pregnant) that makes it somehow OK.

Of course, (as I said previously;)) none of the scenarios are desirable for a child (leaving aside the probability of her robbing a bank, which seems unlikely!) As Onw also said some of the other scenarios are, or can be transient, having a child is for life.

It is not always a disaster and no one can deny there are worse things (again, I have said this in an earlier post) but morally (and legally) it is undesirable for a child of 15 to be in this position.

Welshdebtor

poet123 wrote: »

My point was made in relation to the poster who asked for ONW to find her a girl with a caution for getting pregnant, which inferred that because a caution/conviction is not administered (for getting pregnant) that makes it somehow OK.

Of course, (as I said previously;)) none of the scenarios are desirable for a child (leaving aside the probability of her robbing a bank, which seems unlikely!) As Onw also said some of the other scenarios are, or can be transient, having a child is for life.

It is not always a disaster and no one can deny there are worse things (again, I have said this in an earlier post) but morally (and legally) it is undesirable for a child of 15 to be in this position.

It was me you said it in relation to

But I agree with your points on morally against legally. However I was not stating one is ok and the other not. I was stating a point that they can not be put on the same level of comparsion. But you have some good points . Hence me "thanking" your posts as a response to me, and not commenting further, until now

SingleSue

cprtknight4 wrote: »

Its very easy to try and block a pregnancy although you know thats it there (slight contradiction i know)

I was 17 and my partner 19 at the time I fell pregnant. He went into shock and went for a walk to clear his head. I thought I had accepted it, but it wasnt til the first scan that it truly sank in. And i remember just lying there crying ad repeating theres a baby inside me! Daft i know.

Being as your daughter is level-headed, she is probably more confused as she is weighing up the options and which is the best route to take.

I was 23 and my husband 28 when we found out I was expecting eldest...he went into shock for the next 2 weeks and would not even talk about it, I was in shock and couldn't believe it and my specialist was convinced my body was playing silly beggers (had been told 6 months or so before that it was a million to one chance of getting pregnant).

Hubby finally got it into his head and knowing I had always wanted a swinging crib, placed a deposit on one without me knowing, took me up to the baby shop later that day and watched my face light up when I saw the sign on the crib saying "Sold to Mr xxxxxxxx"

Re condoms availability, I couldn't tell you where our nearest FPC is but at the school where my two younger ones go to, they have a weekly condom meeting (they call it something else), where they give out condoms and have practical instructions on use to all those in year 9 and above. Middle son (aspergers) goes which may not be an amazingly brilliant idea as he has now become completely obsessive about collecting all manner of condoms, big ones, small ones, coloured ones, you name it, he has got it! :rotfl: