Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

POPPYOSCAR

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I know where you're coming from, but I do think people have different perspectives and that times change rapidly. My parents (& me as a teenager) would have felt that way about being pregnant at 15, and as they are both 60, perhaps you are nearer their age than mine.

Interestingly, I don't think being pregnant at 15 is a major disaster, although it could upset the Oxbridge plans. I'm joking, high expectations aside, but it happens.

If you're counting drug & alcohol addiction, anorexia, criminal behaviour, abusive relationships and depression, amongst others, as illness, then I agree with you.

A happy, possibly bright, balanced person that accidentally falls pregnant (especially in a loving relationship) and goes on to achieve their dreams wouldn't be a disaster, in my opinion, compared to the hoards of young people who lose interest in life, give up, don't fulfill their potential, academic or otherwise, etc. I mean those succumbed to apathy, not suicidal. Although again, maybe one could define them as having an illness?

ETA: my parents got together at 15. They are now 60 and a role model for the happily married.

I agree with you Lunar.

A few years ago the thought of a daughter of mine being a teenage mum would have absolutely horrified me, but now I am older I seemed to have mellowed considerably, and although it is not what I would want for my daughter and I truly hope is does not happen, I now think of all the things that could befall her in life, it would not be the end of the world.

LEJC

pelirocco wrote: »

I had one of those pregnancies;) , and i was 29 and married

Its very easy to convince yourself you arent pregnant tbh

That may well be true...but the reality of it is that a decision does need to be made...thers no getting away from the fact that if you continue to ignore the situation in approx 25 weeks the girl will give birth....and at that point the decision has been made!

mountainofdebt

peachyprice wrote: »

Perhaps she wants to see how angry her dad is before she reveals who the father is. Maybe she's frightened he will go storming round the boys house if they find out now before she has had a chance to talk to him in person.

So in the meantime, her mum - who no doubt will be providing most of the support - can worry herself sick.

Charming.

carolan78

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree with you Lunar.

A few years ago the thought of a daughter of mine being a teenage mum would have absolutely horrified me, but now I am older I seemed to have mellowed considerably, and although it is not what I would want for my daughter and I truly hope is does not happen, I now think of all the things that could befall her in life, it would not be the end of the world.

My daughter is only 5 but I know it wouldn't be the end of the world for me. As it has been pointed out there is far worse things that can happen in a young or even older persons life than have a baby.

I just know I couldn't settle or let the lack of information on the father rest. I would need at least a small crumb so I know the circumstances surrounding how she became pregnant. Then my head could be where it is really needed the most 100%.

POPPYOSCAR

mountainofdebt wrote: »

So in the meantime, her mum - who no doubt will be providing most of the support - can worry herself sick.

Charming.

Thats what us mums do and always will where our children are concerned.

pelirocco

LEJC wrote: »

That may well be true...but the reality of it is that a decision does need to be made...thers no getting away from the fact that if you continue to ignore the situation in approx 25 weeks the girl will give birth.

I think we are all very well aware of that , my post was in response to another post giving an very plausable reason as to why the daughter had waited a month before telling her mum

Fly_Baby

OP, it's my first reply on your thread and I hate to say commiserations where pregnancy is concerned.

I wonder if you watched "16 and pregnant" or "Pregnant at 16" programme about 2-3 weeks ago? It reminded me of your DD's situation so much. It was a heartbreaking story because the girl wasn't sure if she wanted to keep the baby or give it up for adoption and wasn't sure pretty much up to her due date. Her BF couldn't decide either. It was her parents who kept pushing for adoption and seemed to take the most practical and realistic approach - like she had so many plans for her life, her relationship with the father was unstable, financial insecurities, etc, etc.

I hated them for duration of the programme because the girl so obviously wanted to raise the baby herself but just couldn't see how she could make it work... I felt they should have offered to put her up with the baby and given her the support she so desperately needed, and helped her keep the baby.

The scene in the delivery room still makes my heart ache - when the adoptive parents had already been found and the teenage father tried taking the baby from the girl's arms saying "Let me say goodbye to my son! I'll see you soon champ". But they did go ahead with adoption.

The finale was quite positive - the girl having fun in the snow with friends, like she should at 16, and saying that she had done the right thing. She can keep in touch with the baby's new parents (it was "open adoption"). And it made me think in the end that maybe the parents lnew what they were doing, after all.

Anyway, I think it would be useful for you to try and see this show. Maybe your daughter too.

Fly_Baby

My thought - as a grown-up mother of 2 - is that maybe, just maybe, she doesn't so much want to be a mother, but is just afraid of abortion and afraid of regretting it in the long-term.

In retrospect, if I had fallen pregnant at 15 with an uncommitted boyfriend, I know what advice I would have wanted to hear from my own mother.

pelirocco

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree with you Lunar.

A few years ago the thought of a daughter of mine being a teenage mum would have absolutely horrified me, but now I am older I seemed to have mellowed considerably, and although it is not what I would want for my daughter and I truly hope is does not happen, I now think of all the things that could befall her in life, it would not be the end of the world.

I think as our children becaome teenagers we are very aware that life outside the family has a a greater influence on them , and we can see the dangers , they cant ..

Oldernotwiser

Welshdebtor wrote: »

If she turned 16 back in Feb, so all was legal on that front. And from then to now was exactly the same, 4 weeks delay in telling mum, being 14 weeks pregnant and not giving details of the father etc. Would some of you still been so vocal with your "He must be older, call the police, etc"?

Not aimed at anyone in particular, just a general question seeing as this girl will be 16 in less than 12 months time.

I am aware that a 15 yr old is underage, where as a 16 yr old is not, so I am not looking for points related to the age of consent. Just interested, if you are voicing the concerns over the father/her reluctance to give details because of her age, or would you still be towing the "Get to the bottom of this etc" line if she was 16, 23, or 30?

At 16, yes - at 23 or 30, not so much so!