Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

POPPYOSCAR

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I do appreciate that it's not the end of the world but most people will move on from the things you list, whereas giving birth commits you for life.

I also think that the situation would be rather different if the daughter was in a loving relationship but that doesn't seem to be the case here, even if the more imaginative scenarios are unfounded.

But a lot of people do not move on from those things Lunar listed. A lot of drug addicts are addicts for life and a lot of people who suffer from depression have it with them for life.

I would rather my daughter came home and told me she was pregnant than that she was a heroin addict.

Cerisa

Poet 123 - if we're talking morals, it's much worse to punch someone, be racist or rob a bank than it is to get pregnant. For goodness sake, we'd be pretty rare without it.

POPPYOSCAR

Amanda65 wrote: »

I do agree that this is all very new to the OP, but like it or not the quicker a decision is made (particularly if the decision is not to continue with the pregnancy) the better for everyone concerned, not least the OP's DD. I also think that once a definite decision has been taken, everyone can then sit back and decide how best to move forward.

The problem with posting for advice on a public forum is that we all come from different backgrounds, generations, life situations and beliefs and part of accepting that you will get some very valuable and sensible advice is accepting that there will also be people who flame you down - part of the territory. I am sure if the OP wants to take some time out she will say so and ask people to stop commenting.

I really don't see what difference who the father is or how this happened as any relevance to the decision that needs to be made.

POPPYOSCAR

Fly_Baby wrote: »

True, but if not going ahead with pregnancy is a possible option then every day counts. As ruthless as it sounds but the earlier she makes a decision, the easier and the less invasive the procedure, the fewer potential risks, the lesser damage to her reproductive system...

As said to another poster,how is this relevant to who the father is?

the_cat

pelirocco wrote: »

edited to say , they wont be many of us who dont agree that she is probably seriously underestimating the impact this will have on her life , but at the end of the day she has to be the one to make a decision

Yes but how capable is a 15 year old of making the right decision, especially over something this big?

What teenager would make the right choice over even the simpler things. Stuff like what time to come in at night, drink, house rules etc are all common clashing grounds with any teen. They often don't make wise choices, nature of the beast due to their lack of life experience

She needs help and guidance in making the right decision (whatever that may be for her as an individual) along with the love and support that she has already got

Amanda65

Amanda65 wrote: »

I do agree that this is all very new to the OP, but like it or not the quicker a decision is made (particularly if the decision is not to continue with the pregnancy) the better for everyone concerned, not least the OP's DD. I also think that once a definite decision has been taken, everyone can then sit back and decide how best to move forward.

The problem with posting for advice on a public forum is that we all come from different backgrounds, generations, life situations and beliefs and part of accepting that you will get some very valuable and sensible advice is accepting that there will also be people who flame you down - part of the territory. I am sure if the OP wants to take some time out she will say so and ask people to stop commenting.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I really don't see what difference who the father is or how this happened as any relevance to the decision that needs to be made.

And at no point in the above post did I say that the father was relevent to the decision ! What I did say was that decision needs to be made - and fast. Exactly the same as Flybaby !

POPPYOSCAR

Amanda65 wrote: »

And at no point in the above post did I say that the father was relevent to the decision ! What I did say was that decision needs to be made - and fast. Exactly the same as Flybaby !

Then why did you quote my post?

WelshBluebird

the_cat wrote: »

She needs help and guidance in making the right decision (whatever that may be for her as an individual) along with the love and support that she has already got

Help and guidance yes. But it has to be her decision at the end of it.

Caroline_a

Have followed this thread with interest, and one of the things that that I think the OP should make clear with her daughter is that, if she decides to keep the baby what the care arrangements should be, as these will help her make her mind up one way or another whether to keep the baby or not.

Some parents of girls who get pregnant are happy to act almost as if the new baby was theirs, take over the care, night feeds, daycare etc, so that the mother can go back to school. Some even are happy to babysit in order for the girl to go out, socialise etc.

However, if the OP has a career that means one way or another that she needs to work and, for want of a better phrase, has her own life that she doesnt want to put on hold to become the surrogate mother of a new baby, then that is a different story.

Personally, my girls always knew that, although I would never disown them, chuck them out, etc, that if they got pregnant then the care of the baby would be down to them, as I needed to work, and also, not being particularly maternal, wouldn't really want to spend my weekends babysitting!

Sounds harsh I know, but one of my girls did say that the attitude of one of her friend's mothers which was that of 'yes we'd be mad but I love babies and I'd take care of it' meant that the girl thought it was ok to have 2 children before she was 18, and carried on with her life as she wanted because her mother took care of the babies.

Amanda65

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Then why did you quote my post?

Re-read and nowhere in the post did you say that it was pertinent to naming father - just that everyone should give the girl and her mother more time and I was simply pointing out that, decision dependant, time might not be on their side !!!

It's all getting a little snipy on here this afternoon - think I'll sign off