Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

pelirocco

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

It doesn't seem to me to be "holier than thou" to believe that getting pregnant at 15 is a major disaster. Apart from death or illness, I can't think of many things that are worst.

Really? you cant?

You did choose your user name well

pelirocco

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I think many on here are worried that there might be something a lot more sinister and/or dangerous going on here than a pair of silly teenagers slipping up in the way that millions have done since the dawn of time. I believe it is that, not morbid curiosity, or rubbernecking, or fake sympathy that is compelling many to voice their hairs-on-the-back-of-the-neck concern.

As I acknowledged in the rest of the post , shame you chose to edit it so severely

Oldernotwiser

pelirocco wrote: »

Really? you cant?

You did choose your user name well

Gosh, what a witty and original remark - well done!

Pamelamac

Support your daughter, she must be terrified. Give her the love you always have done....but for the grace of fate, many of us could have been in the same situation. Help her to make the right decisions, if necessary get outside help, with her permission of course, these days will cement your relationship in the future...whatever she decides. How many times we have heard of young girls hiding a pregnancy for months..if she has trusted you enough to tell you...treat her like the young women she is and give her all the love and support she needs. The very best of luck to all of you!

postingalwaysposting

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thank you.
She is trying to make the decision as soon as she can - she has had a month to think about it but I think in a way she didn't, she tried to not think about it.

*I know nothing about pregnancy etc so excuse my ignorance*
I know the decision is hard to come by but even if she does decide to to get an abortion in the intirum period she has to act like she is keeping the child. By this I mean suplements (is is folic acid?) because she hasn't taken these for 14weeks of her pregancy shouldn't she start now? I guess even if she takes it and then aborts the child it won't actually harm your daughter? I maybe wrong though

Tish_P

Abusive relationships, addiction, joining an isolating cult, selling drugs, stealing cars, developing a gambling habit, running away, prostitution, anorexia... even the years of utter disaffection that plenty of teenagers fall into and make no effort at either work or education (and which parents despair of on MSE threads so often) - all of those could easily have a long-term worse effect on a 15 year old than a pregnancy. Nobody's saying it's cause to throw a party, but as plenty of people on this very thread have explained from their own experiences, it's not the end of the world or of this girl's dreams.

I entirely agree with ONW's coment #1055 though - I'd phrase any direct question as "do you want to continue this pregnancy" not "keep this baby" because the latter is a leading question IMO.

pigpen

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I don't think that asking leading questions (especially when emotively worded) is the best way to proceed.

They aren't leading questions they are direct and to the point.. I wouldn't offer my opinion if asked 'what do you want to do?' I would HAVE to be asked direct to the point questions and I can answer yes or no but I can't elaborate.

And I asumed you meant death of the child not that they caused the death of someone else.. and yes I would rather all 9 of my children came home at 15 pregnant (be a miracle with the 3 boys ) than anyone was killed by one of my children.. I would think I had done something seriously wrong in their upbringing if they did anything that vile.

Welshdebtor wrote: »

I see your points some what. But you could look at it from another way.

Name or find me a story of someone who has a caution/conviction for fighting. Then go find me a story or name me a girl who got a caution/conviction for having a baby.

Exactly!

Fighting can lead to other violence.. one punch can kill someone so yeah fighting is way worse.. pregnancy leads to.. a baby.. oooohhh scary!

The criminal record then impacts the rest of that persons life a baby grows up and you do all the things you would do without a baby but with a bag of baby bits and a small person in tow.. my children fit in with my life not me fit around theirs!.. mostly

glitter03

OP - i know earlier in the post you said that sometimes she writes you little notes to express how she is feeling.

Do you think that it might be easier for her to have the conversation about whether she wants to continue the pregnancy if you were both sat in different rooms and talking via MSN or something similar?

That way she doesn't have to say anything which she might be embarrassed or unsure how to say. Writing things down is often alot easier.

Welshdebtor

glitter03 wrote: »

OP - i know earlier in the post you said that sometimes she writes you little notes to express how she is feeling.

Do you think that it might be easier for her to have the conversation about whether she wants to continue the pregnancy if you were both sat in different rooms and talking via MSN or something similar?

That way she doesn't have to say anything which she might be embarrassed or unsure how to say. Writing things down is often alot easier.

That sounds absolutely mad............................but could work. You can not shrug your shoulders etc via msn (unless on webcam lol just thought of that)

savingmummy

pelirocco wrote: »

If you are having an early pregnancy abortion (6-14 weeks) your second visit will be the procedure. You should eat 2-3 hours before going in for the procedure. You will be given a sedative to ease your nerves and dull the pain. You will be offered NO2 to be self-administered during the procedure as you feel you need it. The doctor will slightly dilate your cervix in order to insert the cannula, a small straw like suction device. You may feel slight discomfort as the cervix is dilated or you may feel nothing at all. The doctor will then begin to suction out the pregnancy. You will not see any of the tissue but you will hear the equipment operating. You will feel some cramping during the suctioning, this cramping may be mild or severe. There is no way to predict how the cramping will be for you but you will be offered NO2 to help manage the pain. The suctioning itself lasts from 5-10 minutes. The cramping may last longer but usually stops with the suctioning. In rare cases cramps may last a few days, although they are no longer severe. A surgical abortion at 15-19 weeks is similar but much more involved and includes one extra visit prior to the surgery. At this visit the cervix will be opened using 3-4 osmotic dilators and you will be sent away for 24 hours. This is because the cervix must be opened wider in later term abortions and the dilators take 24 hours to work. Once the cervix is dilated the abortion is performed as described above only forceps may be needed to remove extra fetal tissue and the suctioning will last longer, 10-30 minutes. Cramping may be more severe as may your emmotional reaction to the procedure

Thats not how the nhs do it in south east it is under general and it is performed straightaway whether it be 6-20weeks+