Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

pigpen

I have a feeling she might want to keep the baby and not actually want to say the words.. sometimes I need someone else to say 'is this what you want?' then saying yes or no is so much easier than saying 'I want this baby'

Have you tried saying 'Do you want to keep this baby?' ... then asking for a yes or no response. She doesn't need to say the word a nod or shake of the head will suffice. But saying 'I'm happy to go with whatever you want' is giving too many options... that sends my head into a spin and I cannot say the words I want to say.. I usually just cry at that point lol. Direct questions with a simple answer are maybe the best option... and another thing that works with me... phone conversations.. you will get 3 times as much info from me over the phone than in person.. I know in my head that it is silly.. but it is easier... would it help?

the father question is irrelevant until a decision is made whether or not she is keeping it.. in fact I do think it is quite irrelevant anyway and she will deal with that in her own time... one thing at a time!

pigpen

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

It doesn't seem to me to be "holier than thou" to believe that getting pregnant at 15 is a major disaster. Apart from death or illness, I can't think of many things that are worst.

Drugs or alcohol addiction, serious crime and prison stretches, assaulting others, mental illness and many physcial illnesses, spreading hatred based on anything,

They are all far far worse than a baby!

A baby can make give you a goal to work for all the above are negative and have a very bad effect on your life and health and job prospects as an adult.. A baby doesn't kill you or physically harm you or anyone else (usually!!)

I know what I'd rather my children came home and said.. and it wouldn't be 'Oh mum, I just murdered someone' ... 'phew! At least you aren't pregnant!' ... something very wrong there!

Oldernotwiser

pigpen wrote: »

Have you tried saying 'Do you want to keep this baby?' ... then asking for a yes or no response. She doesn't need to say the word a nod or shake of the head will suffice. But saying 'I'm happy to go with whatever you want' is giving too many options... that sends my head into a spin and I cannot say the words I want to say.. I usually just cry at that point lol.

I don't think that asking leading questions (especially when emotively worded) is the best way to proceed.

Oldernotwiser

pigpen wrote: »

Drugs or alcohol addiction, serious crime and prison stretches, assaulting others, mental illness and many physcial illnesses, spreading hatred based on anything,

They are all far far worse than a baby!

A baby can make give you a goal to work for all the above are negative and have a very bad effect on your life and health and job prospects as an adult.. A baby doesn't kill you or physically harm you or anyone else (usually!!)

I know what I'd rather my children came home and said.. and it wouldn't be 'Oh mum, I just murdered someone' ... 'phew! At least you aren't pregnant!' ... something very wrong there!

And there was me thinking that murder involved death.

I cannot believe that you think that being involved in a fight or making racist comments (bad as they are) are worst than a child of 15 getting pregnant.

MsHoarder

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

And there was me thinking that murder involved death.

I cannot believe that you think that being involved in a fight or making racist comments (bad as they are) are worst than a child of 15 getting pregnant.

If the police are involved they can be: a complaint about one of those can shut someone out of jobs for decades to come. Whereas a teen pregnancy can force the teen to grow up, get some goals and stop wasting money.

paddy's_mum

pigpen wrote: »

which is the cause of many a pregnancy.

I thought there was only one cause .. must tell my 81 year old Mum that she's been holding out on my birds-and-bees education.

Sorry OP - couldn't resist it and maybe a bit of a giggle is good for us all.

Welshdebtor

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

And there was me thinking that murder involved death.

I cannot believe that you think that being involved in a fight or making racist comments (bad as they are) are worst than a child of 15 getting pregnant.

I see your points some what. But you could look at it from another way.

Name or find me a story of someone who has a caution/conviction for fighting. Then go find me a story or name me a girl who got a caution/conviction for having a baby.

poet123

I think they are all bad scenarios, clearly some are worse than others, but none of them are in any way a desirable position for a child to be in.

paddy's_mum

pelirocco wrote: »

all the poor girl did was have sex

I think many on here are worried that there might be something a lot more sinister and/or dangerous going on here than a pair of silly teenagers slipping up in the way that millions have done since the dawn of time. I believe it is that, not morbid curiosity, or rubbernecking, or fake sympathy that is compelling many to voice their hairs-on-the-back-of-the-neck concern.

poet123

Welshdebtor wrote: »

I see your points some what. But you could look at it from another way.

Name or find me a story of someone who has a caution/conviction for fighting. Then go find me a story or name me a girl who got a caution/conviction for having a baby.

It is not all about legal "wrongs" there are moral wrongs too.