My friend family are controlling her - I need help please

blue_monkey_2

Looby and rose, yes, my fears too. These people will not listen anyway, they think they are above anything anyone tells them.

They already know. However, I also know a lot more. Telling them betrays my friends confidence though, I cannot do this right now, I need her to know I am the safe one to come to.... but this is why they will not let her near me.

They will not look at me because I am stronger than them. And since the husband starts standing up for himself (about bloody time!!) they will not look at him either. However, I have started approaching my friend when she is with them, ignoring them and asking how she is, this is my way of letting them know that they are not going to stop me helping her. They may have control of her, but not me. Does that sounds stupid?

1 hour with me was enough to make her realise what they were doing to her. They are not going to risk that again..... are they?

looby75

blue_monkey wrote: »

Looby and rose, yes, my fears too. These people will not listen anyway, they think they are above anything anyone tells them. They already know.... which is why they will not let her near me.

1 hour with me was enough to make her realise what they were doing to her. They are not going to risk that again..... are they?

I really really do think you need to get her on your own again then no matter how.

You are nothing like her mother and sister, you have only her best interests at heart and they just want to control her and beat her down until she does as they say.

Please reconsider trying to get her on her own.

balletshoes

BlueMonkey if your friend really can't stand up to her family, and is letting them all back into her life (and the kids' too) then if she won't allow herself to be helped by reporting her family to the police for harrassment etc, I don't know what else you can do. You are being an amazing friend, keep doing that, hopefully you will get another chance to talk to her and persuade her that cutting her family out of her life altogether and forever will turn her life around.

blue_monkey_2

I am trying Looby, I really am. She should have come this morning but they knew and so 'accompanied' her to the school.

I deally, I think I want to get her on her own and get her to the police station to report them. This now my aim. I think it is the only way. However, this task is going to be hard in itself!!

jetta_wales

Have you always just spoken to the police over the phone?

Go to them in person and insist with all your will that they go to her and make sure to speak to her completely alone from everybody else and that they take their time about it as if she ends up committing suicide it will be on their hands too and you'll make damn sure that is known!

Time to get out the big guns hun x

blue_monkey_2

balletshoes wrote: »

BlueMonkey if your friend really can't stand up to her family, and is letting them all back into her life (and the kids' too) then if she won't allow herself to be helped by reporting her family to the police for harrassment etc, I don't know what else you can do. You are being an amazing friend, keep doing that, hopefully you will get another chance to talk to her and persuade her that cutting her family out of her life altogether and forever will turn her life around.

I feel like I am letting her down, she came to me for help, I can't give it anymore and I cannot get her away from them. This is what I am finding the hardest.

Anyone would do the same if they saw the amount of pain their friend or family member was in. I just feel so helpless now.

gorgeouslatinrose

I second the idea of Jetta's - go to her work when she is working - and take her away. Get the childrens father to collect them from school, tell her boss you need to take her to the police - and go straight there. Is there anywhere else they can all stay, as by being with you they could easily be found and manipulated back. Then again, it may be easier than it sounds but it could be possible.

blue_monkey_2

jetta_wales wrote: »

Have you always just spoken to the police over the phone?

Go to them in person and insist with all your will that they go to her and make sure to speak to her completely alone from everybody else and that they take their time about it as if she ends up committing suicide it will be on their hands too and you'll make damn sure that is known!

Time to get out the big guns hun x

Yes, I did think that I would go down there but her husband came to see me and I said 'enough' and called them. I was saying to the policeman on the phone 'that cannot be right, go and ask someone who knows' and I was getting a bit cross with him. But he said 'as no crime has been committed they cannot do anything'.

I said 'she has anorexia, she is vunerable, don't you understand that' but he did not seem to get it.

Actually, yes, I think I am going to go down there and speak to a policewoman instead of a policeman. Maybe they will understand the condition more. When I said that the Anorexia has made her vunerable he started saying 'I did not know the condition did that to....'

Right. I cannot do this today as my day is running out, my job for tomorrow though. She usually gets home from work now, maybe she will come to see me on the way home or before school.

blue_monkey_2

gorgeouslatinrose wrote: »

I second the idea of Jetta's - go to her work when she is working - and take her away. Get the childrens father to collect them from school, tell her boss you need to take her to the police - and go straight there. Is there anywhere else they can all stay, as by being with you they could easily be found and manipulated back. Then again, it may be easier than it sounds but it could be possible.

Right yes, this is my last hope. I am going to try and do this, but I am going to try and talk her into doing it first and saying I will go with her and support her. I'll ask her if she wants it to stop and if she says yes, just go before she has time to think about it. I do think I can because when she gets with me she does know they are being ridiculous. 15 missed calls on the landline, the mobile rining and texting non stop. All because she spent an hour with me.

However, getting her own her own is going to be the hard bit. She works in a school, there is no way I can go and get her early or wait for her as I'll not be allowed in.

I have used a lot of swear words over the last few weeks. :o:o

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed more perspective.

looby75

blue_monkey wrote: »

I am trying Looby, I really am. She should have come this morning but they knew and so 'accompanied' her to the school.

I deally, I think I want to get her on her own and get her to the police station to report them. This now my aim. I think it is the only way. However, this task is going to be hard in itself!!

see I'm so hard faced I'd just take her arm and lead her away from them....preferably into a car and drive away.

Is that really not an option, I mean the worst that could happen is they make a scene in the middle of the school yard, that could be witnessed by the teachers and reported to SS