My friend family are controlling her - I need help please

Triker

I know its a long shot but have you tried contacting the 'elder's I think they are called from the Jehovahs witnesses group that the mother and sister are from. It may be an option as they have to take guidance from them....or so an old aqauintance told me many moons ago, also a JW.

blue_monkey_2

Thank you all for listening to me. I have accepted that I have done all I can.

I have rung the police and asked them how this can be allowed to continue but they said unless she herself makes the report, there is nothing they can do. They said she could drive to the police I said that they were following her and they would see her and stop her going in. It is very frustrating how in 2011 people can be treated this way.

She only works part time, hour and a half a day and it is quite light work, I think this is how she continues.

I have found out though that someone else has reported 'something' to the school that they needed to act on urgently - this was something she did, nothing to do with the children or her husband - and this action warranted them calling Social Services in.

Does anyone know what happens with Social Services? She called her husband (I was there) and said she had spoken to SS on the telphone and they were happy with her explaination and they were no longer interested in her, they had dropped everything. This cannot be right can it? One phone call?

Thanks for the advice on contacting the Elders - I do not think it would make any difference, they have a 'sin bin' which is a glass box in the cornner and if you sin (smiking is a sin) you have to sit in that for the meeting but the mother refuses to sit there as she can do what she pleases.

I think she wants to talk to me as she said she would come and see me, but cannot say when because her mother was there and they would follow her and stop her coming.

It's all one big massive mess and in the middle of this are poor 2 children who do not know whether they are coming or going.

I found out last night that my friend took the children to her mothers as they would be 'safe' there and then came home because she refuses to sleep in that house because of the smoke. I called the police to ask about this and they said the mother could leave the children wherever she wants and not even tell the father where they are. School holidays are looming, I have told the husband he needs to get an emergency custody hearing done ASAP so that she cannot keep on taking them here, there and everywhere. It is not fair on them and he needs to be their voice.

On Friday the aunt (who the kids have said they hate) went to the school with my friend, the children saw her, their faces dropped and they hid behind the door and their eyes welled up with tears. They are 7 and crying when someone comes to get them from school. They have apparently told the school that nanny and aunty will not leave them alone.

Thanks for listening to me, it has helped a lot, I just wanted to make sure I had done everything I could. Whatever has happened has been enough for the school to get Social Services involved though- in all fairness it could be anyone, her behaviour has been that erratic, every day someone will ask me what is wrong with her.

Errata

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blue_monkey_2

PasturesNew wrote: »

Is it financially motivated too? If they can get rid of the husband, and get her onto full benefits, they could help themselves to hundreds every week.

No, it's about control. They will not want anything to do with her once they have destroyed her. Again. They have done this before and got her to leave him, then they wanted nothing more to do with her so she ended up back with him because she loves him.

Only this time it has got way out of hand because they will not leave her alone, she has developed anorexia making it harder and now husband won't roll over and 'do as he is told'.

He knows too much about them, and so do I, this is why they will not let her be on her own with me, or him, because we speak to him rationally.

Yesterday after she was pulled in at the school her husband said she came home in hysterics screaming 'they have won, they have won' and then started eating herself senseless saying 'I am eating, I am eating'. She did the same today - but she makes sure she is eating in front of people and makes a point of it. It is so hard to see her doing to herself.

No, this is all because they want her to leave her husband. They really are evil vile people, they will not ackowledge me because I have none of it, when her mother started speaking over my friend I ignored her and turned my back on her and carried on talking to my friend. Despite all of this I want my friend to know that I'll always be here for her to talk to me, they might think they can push me away but they can't. I have had a couple of times of getting annoyed myself thinking 'why can't she stand up to them and say she is coming to see me' but I then remind myself why.

They are scared of her talking to me because my friend knows what they are doing is wrong. Last time she came to see me she found the strength to tell her family - in public - to f off and leave her alone and to stop harrassing her. That is why she is not allowed to talk to me. However, they got to her again. It is going to be a very long road. Evil despicable people that they are. :mad:

Sorry, ranting again. I am not going to let them destroy her. Or I am going to try my hardest anyhow.

jetta_wales

I think she needs to have herself committed. This might sound bonkers but she needs it for her health both physical and mental and for complete protection from their influence.

Pick her up from work early, half way through her shift if need be, pick the kids up from school at lunch time and just drive away. Meet their Dad somewhere to drop the kids off with him and then take her somewhere safe and disscuss her options and I honestly think she needs then to herself call social services and tell them that she wants her husband to have sole care of them for the time being so his back is covered in telling the school that he is the only one to pick them up to keep them safely away from the other family. She then also needs to really give serious consideration to going to a mental health hospital and admitting herself. They'll likely agree straight away just from the sight of her severe weight loss.

I honestly can not think of any other way to truly ensure that both her and the children are completely safe and away from them and for her to get ALL of the help that she needs.

gorgeouslatinrose

Triker wrote: »

I know its a long shot but have you tried contacting the 'elder's I think they are called from the Jehovahs witnesses group that the mother and sister are from. It may be an option as they have to take guidance from them....or so an old aqauintance told me many moons ago, also a JW.

This is a really good idea. I know you say about the sinbin and all that ,but I think there is a lot more to it. The risk of getting excommunicated by the elders is something all Jehovah witnesses fear and by the sounds of it, their behaviour is not in line with their code of conduct, taking into account the alcohol and smoking. It may be worth dropping round to their local hall, and just having a chat. It is a very long shot - but Jehovah Witnesses would hate having anything to do with the police or SS, so it may be worth mentioning it to them.

looby75

I don't know if this suggestion will help or not, but I would confront the mother and sister directly.

Let them know you know a lot about them and the father and that you are NOT going to stand by and see your friend and her children be harmed by them. That you are prepared to do all and anything to make sure they get their claws out of her, including contacting the police about the father.

If you call a spade a spade they might get worried and back off.

gorgeouslatinrose

looby75 wrote: »

I don't know if this suggestion will help or not, but I would confront the mother and sister directly.

Let them know you know a lot about them and the father and that you are NOT going to stand by and see your friend and her children be harmed by them. That you are prepared to do all and anything to make sure they get their claws out of her, including contacting the police about the father.

If you call a spade a spade they might get worried and back off.

Could make it worse though - anything could happpen. They have already tried contacting police in regards to the husband, they could start pressuring her into alienating her friend too.

blue_monkey_2

Really, rose, thank you, thank you. I'll do anything.

I do not know much about Jehovas Witnesses, I'll have a look at that tonight.

I feel exhausted from the worry, I think the worst has to happen before she realises they have destroyed her and she needs to confront them about what they did to her.

Jetta, I did think that I would offer to take her someone where and d what you suggested but then that makes me the same as her parents and I cannot risk that, I am the ONLY person left that she has to talk to, that they have not turned against her, she knows I am the safe one, she uses me as a cushion i think, so that if she is with me to walk to the school then no-one else will talk to her. I can't take that away from her otherwise she will have no-one.

I just sent her a text saying I realise she probably cannot get to see me but any time day or night she needs me, I'll be there for her. I just wanted her to know that there is someone else looking out for her and that cares for her. I hope they do not have her phone though, else she'll not get it and they will delete it.

I think the only hope now is her husband getting the injunction on stopping them coming to the house so she can have some space away from them. I told the police she has come to me asking for help - they said it has to be her that goes to the police.

I feel like I have let her down, that she told me everything so I could help her because she did not have the strength to do it, and I've not done anything.

How can people be like to this to another person? How? And your own flesh and blood?

looby75

gorgeouslatinrose wrote: »

Could make it worse though - anything could happpen. They have already tried contacting police in regards to the husband, they could start pressuring her into alienating her friend too.

by the sounds of it they are already trying to do that anyway.

But then again I do have a bit of a temper on me so as I said I'm not sure if my advice would help at all